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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I pay half the mortgage?

116 replies

2Servings · 22/05/2023 12:00

Me and my OH have split up.
He announced there was no longer any love and refused to talk about it.

After a few weeks of this I said fine I'll leave. I don't want to waste my life with someone who doesn't love me.

I took my children (mine not his) and moved out. He is still there with his 2 adult children. I am sleeping in the living room as couldn't afford anywhere with enough bedrooms. Children have a room each. Age, gender means not appropriate for them to share.

He is expecting me to pay my half of the mortgage. I know its still my responsibility, but I felt he forced us out, upended our lives. I'm now sleeping on a sofa. He is getting what he wants, no change or disruption, still in the nice house etc..

He earns more than me, plus he could ask his adult children to pay some board.

I now have my own rent and new bills to pay.

I don't want to pay my half of the mortgage (until the house sells).

AIBU?

OP posts:
pontipinemum · 22/05/2023 12:45

Legally you still have to pay it.

If his children are paying rent surely that at the minimum should be split between you. E.G. they pay £200 rent each, £200 of that should be yours.

How many rooms are in the house? Can 1 be let out to a lodger to cover your part of the mortgage? I am aware he will most likely not want that but you can't afford rent and a mortgage.

The house needs to be sold.

wistfullyfocused · 22/05/2023 12:45

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 22/05/2023 12:42

If your name is on the mortgage, then you are liable for half. You should continue to pay. Just because you moved out, it doesn't mean your responsibility for the mortgage stopped.

They are jointly and severally liable, so you’re actually wrong. She’s responsible for all of it, but then so is he.

Starseeking · 22/05/2023 12:46

Of course you have to pay half the mortgage, assuming your name is on it.

I would move back in and make life very uncomfortable for him in order to force the sale.

If you don't, your ex he has very little incentive to sell, and could easily drag a sale out for a long time, including using the court system.

Starseeking · 22/05/2023 12:47

Unless you plan never to have any kind of credit or financial transaction again (even something like a new phone), you absolutely should care about defaulting on the mortgage, as it will ruin your credit rating for years.

Starseeking · 22/05/2023 12:48

Think of it as temporary discomfort for long term gain.

HeidiUpTheMountain · 22/05/2023 12:48

You should care if you default on the mortgage, because it will affect your ability to borrow in the future, as well as his.

You are, understandably, thinking short term here, but you need to keep an eye on your future and not do things to punish him which end up backfiring and affecting you. Think all the terrible things about him, you are right to do that, but please don’t make rash decisions which end up cutting off your own nose to spite your face.

Swansandcustard · 22/05/2023 12:49

@Umbrolly not in law. If both names are on the mortgage then both pay, regardless of who is resident. OP has made herself voluntarily homeless. She should move back in and both of them work like adults and put the house on the market. Nothing in her post indicates ‘untenable’.

Tippexy · 22/05/2023 12:52

SunnySaturdayMorning · 22/05/2023 12:01

Of course you should still pay your half of the mortgage. It’s still your responsibility.

Case law states that the person who remains in the house should pay the full mortgage - half of the payment is in lieu of having full occupancy of the house.

LovelyJublee · 22/05/2023 12:58

I also don't really care if we default on the mortgage.

If it can affect your credit I would care. If you're renting and don't plan on staying there long term, you might struggle to rent or get a mortgage with a shit credit rating or if you're needing to loan in future to buy furniture or car repairs etc a bad credit rating can make it hard if not impossible.

Swansandcustard · 22/05/2023 13:01

@Tippexy can you post the case law?

Should I pay half the mortgage?
Original poster
2Servings · 22/05/2023 13:12

Apologies if I wasn't clear. My question is this, am I being reasonable to say to him

"you created this situation, you have what you want i.e me gone, you can pay the full mortgage until the house sells. You have the privilege and luxury of the house all to yourself, you pay for it"

If he didn't want that. Him and his adult children should have though about that before they alienated me and my younger children in our own home.

Literally everything changed. I considered these people my family. Just days after telling me, they had a birthday celebration we were completely not included in.

They have combined income of more than double mine, nearer to triple actually.

These are my reasons.

OP posts:
HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 22/05/2023 13:17

Mumsnet pins a site called Advice Now on the divorce/separation board I’ve found them very helpful. You’re getting some really poor opinions on here OP - get off MN and call CAB or book a 30 minute free consultation with a solicitor.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 22/05/2023 13:18

Just realised you’ve posted this in AIBU aka “Is this the right room for an argument” - report and get moved to divorce/separation!

Tippexy · 22/05/2023 13:19

Swansandcustard · 22/05/2023 13:01

@Tippexy can you post the case law?

Look at your screenshot - it’s defined as ‘occupation rent.’ Yes, both parties remain liable to the bank (and OP may decide to continue paying in case there is any risk her ex won’t pay ‘her’ half), but certainly a judge would consider that it is fair for the resident to pay 100%.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 22/05/2023 13:19

You need legal advice.

When I was in your shoes I was told he would have to pay the interest element of the entire mortgage as well as their half for sole use. They cannot change the locks or prevent access.

but talk to a solicitor to get the legal side for your situation.

and you do care if there’s defaults and repossessions, it will fuck you forever and you might even struggle to privately rent. It’s just right now you don’t care and want shot Flowers

good luck. It’s shit.

PickledPurplePickle · 22/05/2023 13:22

Surely you will care if the mortgage defaults and it affects your credit rating?

Yes the situation between you and your OH sucks, but you are liable for the mortgage

IamnotSethRogan · 22/05/2023 13:23

Op I can't advise on the legalities and wouldn't try to, but I absolutely think it is unreasonable for him to stonewall you out of the house, then expect you to still pay for half of it when there are 3 adults that could presumably cover the mortgage until the house sells.

Not sure about legal aspects, but he is being morally unreasonable

Dillydollydingdong · 22/05/2023 13:25

If you pay your half of the mortgage (assuming the house is in joint names) he can stay there forever. If you don't, the lender will expect the mortgage to be paid by him. If he can't pay, either he'll have to sell, or be evicted. You were a bit hasty moving out, but you could move back.

But if you're not asking about the legal situation, what do you want from us?

MessyBunny · 22/05/2023 13:25

Is there any equity in the house?

Swansandcustard · 22/05/2023 13:26

OP, you can live in the home and separately. No, he’s not being nice, but that’s his stance. Having a celebration and not inviting you is unfortunately up to him. Divide the home up between you, get it on the market asap and get it sold. I can see that you’re very hurt by his decision, but you’re not helping things with your current actions.

@Tippexy what a judge agrees as part of a split has no bearing on what’s owed to the mortgage company. They both need to ensure this is paid until the house is sold, and then they could look at a sum equating to effective ‘occupation rent’. But they’re not at that stage yet - the mortgage must be paid until the house sells, and the OP is jointly responsible.

AnotherForumUser · 22/05/2023 13:29

Technically you are liable but as he has sole occupancy along with HIS adult children you can charge them occupational rent. You don't have use of the house you both own. He does. He pays. Speak to a solicitor.

Gymmum82 · 22/05/2023 13:29

If you’re not bothered about defaulting on the mortgage don’t pay it. You will still be entitled to half the house on sale.
My friend is getting divorced. STBXH moved out and hasn’t paid a penny. She has been told by a solicitor she still has to give him half of the equity.
I wouldn’t give him a penny.

Nordicrain · 22/05/2023 13:30

2Servings · 22/05/2023 13:12

Apologies if I wasn't clear. My question is this, am I being reasonable to say to him

"you created this situation, you have what you want i.e me gone, you can pay the full mortgage until the house sells. You have the privilege and luxury of the house all to yourself, you pay for it"

If he didn't want that. Him and his adult children should have though about that before they alienated me and my younger children in our own home.

Literally everything changed. I considered these people my family. Just days after telling me, they had a birthday celebration we were completely not included in.

They have combined income of more than double mine, nearer to triple actually.

These are my reasons.

You are not being unreasonable to say that, no.

HRTSavedMyHusband · 22/05/2023 13:31

I wouldn’t pay if defaulting didn’t bother me. His adult children can chip in.

honeybeeeee · 22/05/2023 13:32

It doesn't sound as though it's actually an option for you to pay half of the mortgage, seeing as you're already paying rent elsewhere and sleeping in the living room. If I were you I'd tell him either he pays it until the house sells (as he has sole use of it) or the mortgage defaults and they take possession of the house & sell it.

I don't know him, but it's unlikely he'll let that happen if he's in a position to prevent it.

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