To get annoyed when parents slag off PTAs

[KittyAlfred]

I see this so much on MN. Parents saying that the PTA is cliquey, that the Mums only join so they can suck up to the teachers and gain advantages for their kids. Many people on here seem to make a virtue of doing fuck all, just because they don’t like the PTA women.

Like many parents, when DS1 started at primary I didn’t really know anyone at school. It was an alien world to me. As a working single parent with a baby/toddler as well, I didn’t help the PTA at all for the first couple of years. Then I started to get involved on the periphery. Yes sure, lots of the mums knew each other well and socialised together, but that’s not to say they didn’t still need extra people to run stalls and sell raffle tickets etc. The first few times I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable, but I got to know people, and by the time DS2 left primary I was running the PTA myself. I have no idea if people thought I was cliquey, but I really couldn’t help it if I’d known some of the mums for 10 years by then and was therefore friendly with them! We always needed help, and happily welcomed anyone who chose to muck in.

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

And yes, I probably got to know the teachers slightly better, because if you’re running a school fair then inevitably you talk to the teachers. If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you’re too busy to help the PTA then fair enough. But don’t slag them off, because they work bloody hard and make your child’s school experience a lot better than it would otherwise be.

For all the protestations, there is a definite sanctimonious vibe coming from this thread.

someone just called volunteering for the PTA a "hobby" 😂.

That's the exact attitude people have a problem with.

It is ironic that a thread seeking to highlight unpleasant criticism of PTA members has turned into a massive criticism of PTA members.

Not all PTA's are created equal but fundamentally they fulfil a role (in this case fundraising and school community building) which if it wasn't there would be missed. No need to take your personal experience, clouded by your own particular issues, and extrapolate it across the board. That's lazy debating.

Of course which is why I said it was their choice and why I don't guilt anyone and largely just suck it up and do stuff myself. But this is a thread about how people moan at and about the PTA whilst doing so.

Many of the people who do so are also those that moan when the events get cancelled due to lack of volunteers or prizes etc.

Of course it's people's prerogative to go home and watch tv if that's what they prefer. It's a free country.

But these people are invariably the same ones who whinge about the school fair being shit or whatever. You can't have it both ways. You can't both decide to be directionless and lame in the use of your personal time and then slag off people who have more gumption than you (which is basically what this boils down to). People are always moaning that the PTA won't leave them alone/always hassling etc but they just don't like being reminded that other people are more dynamic and organised and have better things to do than watch TV or go to the pub.

It costs nothing to receive an email saying "please donate your time" or whatever. I have never known a PTA give people who don't have time or money a genuinely hard time, it's just lazy people who don't like having their inadequacies pointed out who don't like the PTA.

@TorviShieldMaiden non uniform days/dress up days aren't usually anything to do with the PTA.
The only time I have known a PTA to be involved with something like that is doing something like a Christmas jumper exchange.
Your school must have an odd set up if the PTA are the ones in charge of non uniform days.

You can't both decide to be directionless and lame in the use of your personal time and then slag off people who have more gumption than you (which is basically what this boils down to).

I had loads of gumption. I wasn't being "lame" in the use of my personal time when I said I couldn't go to meetings at 3.30. Neither was I being "lame" when I said I couldn't man a stall for a whole day - I expected the same courtesy extended to every other member of the pta to only do an hour. I didn't get that.

I wasn't being "lame" when I told the head of the pta I couldn't attend x or y event and made up an excuse - I had loads going on that I didn't want to share with the gossips on the pta. Pta is voluntary remember.

Well said OP!

Couldnt agree more.

Yeah basically I agree OP. But people don’t understand or don’t want to understand the funding crisis. Without the PTA our school would be missing a fair amount of playground equipment, gym equipment, IT equipment and a lot of trips / extra curriculars.

I also kind of raise an eyebrow at the ‘too busy to help’ thing. I have no doubt some are but surely most parents could spare an hour at some point over a school year.

I work full time and have three small kids and manage to give my time and effort! But sure!

I'm part of a PTA which has 2 dads in the 2 (of 3) senior roles.

I'm lucky to work flexibly and from home a lot so can contribute my time.

TBH it did feel a bit cliquey when I first joined but that's because the old guard whose children have now left the school knew what worked and how to do it. I continued because I knew it was so needed in terms of fund raising.

We try hard to include everyone and parents can volunteer at one event or regularly. Many do at specific events but don't join in with the organising.

It's pretty thankless and when the last DC finishes primary I don't think I'll join a secondary school PTA.

Having said that we don't get too many parents moaning. We try to publicise what they PTA do for the school to prevent this.

It's very sad that in 2023 we are discussing allocating a sum of money to each year group to be spent on basic supplies as funding for schools is now so tight. PTA contributions no longer pay for just the fun stuff unfortunately.

I think op that all volunteer organisations have similar issues with the vocal complainers who don't actually help. I can confirm that scouting does as well.

I was PTA Treasurer for 7 years and really enjoyed it. Lots of moans by parents who didn't help out but we just used to ignore those. And no benefits either that I could see! DS certainly didn't get special treatment. The teachers didn't come to the meetings (other than sometimes the HT) so I didn't know them any better than any other parent.

I think there is a massive difference between private schools and state schools when it comes to the PTA. At private school it raises money for the move to have stuff generally but state it really does raise money to the necessities. (I have experience of both)

the PTA certainly wasn’t a hobby at my children’s state school. It was a lovely lovely school but they really stretched their budget. The hall equipment was from about 1960! the PTA consistently managed to raise between £15 and 20k through monumental fundraising to buy computers and whiteboards etc the school would not have ordinarily had. That benefited every child. I honestly can’t fathom why everyone didn’t want to help even a little bit as it benefited their child monumentally. To call it a hobby when many of us felt obligated to help to an ensure that ALL children got the benefit from the money raised is quite insulting tbh.

@Quinoawoman some of the fundraising my PTA did was to be able to purchase leavers hoodies (or whatever) for those who could not afford them.
It was always done in a private way - ie the PTA would have the funds but the school themselves would be the ones who knew who needed help (so no-one in the PTA knew who got a free hoody and/or the reason why).
It's a shame your school didn't do similar.

Pta is voluntary remember.

technically every school parent is a member of the PARENT Teacher Association.

You need a group to run it, and formal roles given to get a charity status, but the PTA is every school parent and carer responsibility.

My sloppy phrasing then. Participation in the pta events and/or meetings and/or any other PTA run or organised activities is voluntary.

@Thepeopleversuswork no one owes the PTA their time. But the PTA seem to think that parents do! And it is a hobby - those people volunteer because on some level they enjoy it or derives some personal satisfaction from it. I'd say that if you aren't getting something out of it, then stop. And if your kids are getting fed up or are feeling embarrassed by you being at the school disco, then put them first and stop. No one is forcing you to be there.

I do agree that parents who want no part of it, have no business complaining about lack of funds for niceties that specifically benefit their children, but maybe the flip side to it, is they are fed up of school constantly hassling them for money/time.

When mine were little, I used to regularly act as a spare pair of hands for trips and activities that needed lots of adult (very outdoorsy school). But I did it for my dc, because they valued it. I certainly wasn't thinking that all the other parents should do it too or thinking them lazy if they didn't.

"Lazy mums"

No criticism of the dads who don't help out, OP?

To be honest it sounds like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder about the 'snobs' and 'lazy mums' you seem to perceive every mum note not the dads who doesn't volunteer to be. This is why so many have a problem with PTAs.

I started helping with events last year as I think they do great work. I was asked to run a stall at a recent event which I'd run before. I said I couldn't do it, my child had a sports event on and I was also working for some of the time. I did attend later though and spent plenty of money. The chair of the PTA completely blanked me from then on.
I guess I'm considered 'lazy' now and will be blacklisted which is probably a blessing in disguise.

Not all PTAs are equal, and I would suggest if you're on one and starting to resent other parents who don't get involved then it's time to take a step back before you become part of the problem.

no one owes the PTA their time.

but every parent owes their children the best opportunities they can give.

Giving at leat 1 hour or 2 of your time once a year to help with necessary sport equipments, playground equipment and the endless list of things the PTA has to fund should be a priority when your children are concerned.

I find it a very odd attitude when everything school related is "not my problem". You'd think your children should be "your problem".

I also lose sympathy entirely for anyone who waste time on social media to go into great length to explain how too busy and too important they are to get involved with school related issues.

Giving at leat 1 hour or 2 of your time once a year to help with necessary sport equipments, playground equipment and the endless list of things the PTA has to fund should be a priority when your children are concerned.

That is not the level of investment of time that the pta at my kids school required.

@strawberriesandkreme you just said "but every parent owes their children the best opportunities they can give."

Surely those parents that are attending PTA-led events and donating money are doing exactly that?

PTA fundraisers only work if people are there to donate money.

We’re not debating the role of a PTA.

Posters are basing their view on their own experiences and using anecdotal evidence to illustrate.

PTAs worked well in say the 70s or 80s when many more bored housewives who didn’t work relished the chance to use their skills and volunteer while their children were at school.

In this climate, it seems even the volunteers are bitter and resentful of the hard work (most trying to juggle a job, caring responsibilities alongside) and time they sacrifice and raising funds is a near impossible task in this financial climate.

Many PTAs resorting to aggressive tactics, guilt tripping parents into giving time or money and bitter when that approach is criticised.
Its all a bit broken.

PTAs should not be above criticism or complaint simply because they are made up in part by volunteers should they?

Also

but every parent owes their children the best opportunities they can give.

That's why I spent my time on my own children and supporting them academically and took myself through further study.

The best opportunity I could give my children was not always participating in PTA activities. Especially when I was looked down at and sneered at.

I think you are being both UR and NUR.

I did about 6 years on the PTA. My DC never got a main part of benefited in any other way. Seats at assembly were allocated on a first come first served. PTA members didn't get seats saved for them. We also weren't involved in plays in anyway so were able to queue up like everyone else. Actually the deputy head did save me a front row seat once, but that's because I was in the building doing a totally unrelated thing which he wanted me to spend time on. (Education related)

It means I never got to enjoy the school fares with my DC, instead I had to send them off with another adult/eachother and hope they were OK. I gave up evenings and weekends, often missing other community events as a result. DC often had to spend an entire day helping set up and take down from fayres. I heard other parents moaning about how rubbish xyz was and how the dc didn't benefit from anything anyway.

School started adding a section on the newsletter at that point making clear what we spent the money on.

Other parents were always lovely and grateful for what we did.

Or PTA was a good mixture of working/ non working parents and we did some meetings in the school day and some at the weekends so everyone could attend some of them and no one was excluded.

Overall it was a stressful thankless task and I definitely needed to leave when I did. But I made some great friends from it and have some lovely memories.

That would just have been FSM kids though - not those who are just budgeting carefully like I was.

It's interesting that across the UK the same complaints are said again and again about PTAs, and have done for years. It's potentially an "image" thing, and I'm not hugely sure how that can be overcome.

But as I said before, from my experience, I would be more likely to get involved with the PTA if they said a) what they were fundraising for, b) how close they were to the target. Ours keeps everything very tight to their chests, no one is ever told how much has been raised per event, or what the money is being used on.

Instead, we get endless things, often with just a day or two's notice. Before February half term, we had five consecutive weeks of donation requests - there was a dress down day fundraiser, a donate a present for mothers day fundraiser, buy back the present for mothers day fundraiser, kids rules day fundraiser, cake sale day fundraiser.

It became too much - and no one knows how much was raised from each one.