To get annoyed when parents slag off PTAs

[KittyAlfred]

I see this so much on MN. Parents saying that the PTA is cliquey, that the Mums only join so they can suck up to the teachers and gain advantages for their kids. Many people on here seem to make a virtue of doing fuck all, just because they don’t like the PTA women.

Like many parents, when DS1 started at primary I didn’t really know anyone at school. It was an alien world to me. As a working single parent with a baby/toddler as well, I didn’t help the PTA at all for the first couple of years. Then I started to get involved on the periphery. Yes sure, lots of the mums knew each other well and socialised together, but that’s not to say they didn’t still need extra people to run stalls and sell raffle tickets etc. The first few times I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable, but I got to know people, and by the time DS2 left primary I was running the PTA myself. I have no idea if people thought I was cliquey, but I really couldn’t help it if I’d known some of the mums for 10 years by then and was therefore friendly with them! We always needed help, and happily welcomed anyone who chose to muck in.

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

And yes, I probably got to know the teachers slightly better, because if you’re running a school fair then inevitably you talk to the teachers. If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you’re too busy to help the PTA then fair enough. But don’t slag them off, because they work bloody hard and make your child’s school experience a lot better than it would otherwise be.

SmileyClare

you misunderstand me.

I just cannot understand why anyone would resent volunteers because they get the front row seats?

They are sitting last because they are busy doing other things for the school, makes sense to save them a seat? If nothing else, it's a small thank you. They are as busy as every other parent attending, but they help out at the event.
Why would you resent saying "thank you"?

Who's having a chip on their shoulder here?

Strong agree from me. The PTA at my DDs school are brilliant women. Really lovely, funny, helpful and giving of their time. The ones that sneer seem to me to be people with jealousy issues or have chips on their shoulders about popularity.

The PTA at ds school was very cliquey A
few from his prep went on to an elite private school the networking is
very important for some

I'm the chair of the PTA and have been in the PTA for 13 years.

Ours is not at all cliquey and is super friendly to all who come to help. I don't know many of the members that well so it's not as if I have lots of mates helping me out. We ask for help from the committee and if we don't get enough help then I do it myself along with a couple or others with no fuss or guilting. Never approach people in the playground to ask them to do things.

All my children, two of which have left, hardly ever got a speaking role at assemblies etc never mind a main part and aren't favoured despite being nice enough kids.

I do know a lot of the teachers but think that's more because I've been at the school a long time.

We still get slagged off as a group, nothings ever good enough and people always have something to say.

I totally agree OP. It is in very much the same category as the "bitchy/cliquey school gate mums" whinges.

It's largely the preserve of people who are too lazy to do anything themselves or who don't have many friends but don't like being shown up by people with more drive and dynamism and like women to stay in their appropriate box. It's classic tall poppy syndrome.

No one is required to join the PTA. The worst thing they can be accused of is a bit of emotional blackmail but if you're too busy you just ignore it.

Most moan bcos it’s all about raising funds if u live in a deprived area and his r no money the last thing u want is something to make yr kids ask for things u can’t afford.

I was part of the PTA for years. Initially as a volunteer and ad hoc helper, then as co-chair, then as a volunteer and ad hoc helper again - pretty much from when DS started school until year 6. And I can tell you that like any group, the attitude and culture shifts according to who is running it and how. I now refuse to have anything to do with our PTA even though DD is still there because the most recent PTA committee were extremely unpleasant and rude and completely clueless about the reality of the financial situation of many of the families at the school and therefore were quite happy to sit on an absolute FORTUNE for ridiculous reasons while simultaneously offering free book clubs and coffee clubs but then wanting parents to pay for 500 separate Christmas events....

The current committee appears to be very cliquey and I know they are not well liked by the broader community so I'm remaining out of it.

Having said that, I take the view that as I'm no longer involved, I don't get to have a say and I do not ever complain about events or activities. I turn up if my children want to go, spend the money and leave and if other parents tell me they are considering joining I always encourage them to do so.

When I was on the committee, the parents who didn't volunteer didn't bother me at all. The ones who complained constantly, while not volunteering, bothered me a LOT.

Urgh I don’t resent anyone having a seat.

I resent the entitled attitude and the expectation that (some) PTA members have that everyone should not only be falling over in gratitude but also feel sorry for them because it’s hard work.

PTA members on here seem to be going to great lengths to explain how much they enjoy doing it but can’t stop complaining

I also think there's a massive gender issue with PTAs. A man who volunteers his time as a committee member for some kind of group or non-profit is looked on positively by the broader community etc. But PTA - almost exclusively made up of mums - are always the one volunteer type who consistently get slagged off.

One of the great things about no longer being part of the PTA is that I can see how the WOMEN are constantly being guilted while the men just wander in and out as they like.

I hate our PTA because despite raising it several times with them they continue to run non uniform days, particularly in March when there is already Red Nose Day and world book day. My autistic daughter finds this so hard. They have no care for SEND or ND children.

They also consistently run meetings in the working day and add to the generals school admin (like wear a stripy shirt day, bring cupcakes instead of money for non uniform).

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

I find this aggressive and a prime example of why folks dislike the pta. You didn’t pay for it, thr parents did. You Co ordinated fund raising. Calling folks lazy if they don’t help isn’t ok.

Honestly I’d much rather just give them a set amount a year and be done with all of it.

No, aimed at the OP.

I came into it agreeing with the main point, but her tone and judgement came across so badly that she negated her own points.

I don't think this means you then. There are very many people who have lots going on in their life as they have full time jobs and kids and are running their own stuff on top.

But I think we all know people who don't join anything because they'd rather go home and do nothing/watch tv/go to the pub.

It is absolutely their decision to do that, but it's pretty lazy.

I find this aggressive and a prime example of why folks dislike the pta. You didn’t pay for it, thr parents did. You Co ordinated fund raising. Calling folks lazy if they don’t help isn’t ok.

the PTA ARE parents, and they paid just as much as you did. In most cases, they paid more.

If they had not coordinated, there would be no fund raising.

Of course these people are essentials, what do you think happens if they all step down?

Are you resenting parents because they believe playground equipments, membership to Twinkl, books et etc.. are essentials and children would miss out a lot without them?

And for the "set amount every year". You cannot have a set amount, it's not inclusive. Having asked in various places, all the schools who do accept and welcome a "yearly or monthly" cheque from parents raise very little , and need all the events to make up the difference.

Disco, fair etc are important for the children too.

I resent the entitled attitude and the expectation that (some) PTA members have that everyone should not only be falling over in gratitude but also feel sorry for them because it’s hard work.

most PTA members don't give a damn about gratitude, but would really want more people to volunteer and help them out instead of everyone relying on a handful of people to do everything.

It would be nice if the ones who can't be bothered could stop criticising and insulting them of course.

I'm leaving this year as my 3rd and last child leaves. I can't say I'm that sad about it.

It's a thankless job.

OK, some PARENTS are lazy. (Bloody sexist to single out the mums).

And some PTA members are cliquey.

Most parents only interact with one PTA. Who made you the arbiter of which ones are good/bad etc? You only work for one PTA. Which is a pretty narrow base of experience from which to comment.

They do it to salve their remnants of conscience,OP. ‘Oh I would help but they are all so horrid / don’t want / are exclusive/ snobs’ etc etc.

of course you are right, but don’t expect anyone who is in the taking brigade to admit it.

But isn't it their prerogative to go home and watch tv if that's what they prefer to do? The pta is your hobby, not theirs. Unless they are asking you to do fundraisers, in which case fair enough.
Maybe they'd just prefer to mind their own business and don't want you to be doing endless fetes and 'fun' days or would pay directly for extras that benefit their kids via a direct debit. The only reason those don't happen generally is because schools/PTAs wouldn't be happy with that and would still bug parents with endless dress up days and raffle tickets!

This is so true.

Oh God, I HEAR YOU.

I was on the Primary PTA for more years than I care to remember, Chair for 2, co-chair after that.

We had so much whinging and whining from parents about how we were cliquey and excluding them. They couldn't attend meetings in the evenings - so we set up an option to join on video conferencing, which nobody took us up on. They didn't want meetings in the school in evenings - so we used the free community room at the supermarket during the day and nobody extra came. They said they couldn't commit to monthly meetings, so we put up a list of ad-hoc jobs like emailing for raffle prizes or writing a newsletter, nobody volunteered.

Some people just like to have a good old moan.

My kids have moved on from that Primary school now but I bumped into the woman who took over from me as CHair a few weeks ago, the PTA and events ground to a halt over Covid as due to the restrictions none of the discos and fairs and other things that used to take place could happen. Lots of parents now up in arms that "nobody" is organising these things and their children are missing out! But simultaneously, nobody prepared to get off their arses and organise the events to fundraise for the school.

Volunteer or don’t. As with any charitable endeavour it’s best not to enter into it for personal gain (recognition or thanks) or to assume you’re better than people that don’t

For all the protestations, there is a definite sanctimonious vibe coming from this thread.

I have donated so much money and prizes to our PTA only to be messaged on Facebook to be told I'm a disappointment because I never volunteer my time or bake cakes.

So I stopped donating my money and prizes.

And instead I now buy stationary and books directly for the school.

Every time they have an event and raise money they say "we were disappointed by the low turnout and only raised £800"

Unbelievable. I support PTAs but that doesn't mean I have to roll over and let myself get shamed and bullied 😂 I have boundaries!

I even won our PTA a £2700 community grant. They didn't even say thank you and still had a whine several months later.

Can't wait for either DC to move up to secondary or new PTA volunteers to be elected. Whatever comes first.