To get annoyed when parents slag off PTAs

[KittyAlfred]

I see this so much on MN. Parents saying that the PTA is cliquey, that the Mums only join so they can suck up to the teachers and gain advantages for their kids. Many people on here seem to make a virtue of doing fuck all, just because they don’t like the PTA women.

Like many parents, when DS1 started at primary I didn’t really know anyone at school. It was an alien world to me. As a working single parent with a baby/toddler as well, I didn’t help the PTA at all for the first couple of years. Then I started to get involved on the periphery. Yes sure, lots of the mums knew each other well and socialised together, but that’s not to say they didn’t still need extra people to run stalls and sell raffle tickets etc. The first few times I felt a bit nervous and uncomfortable, but I got to know people, and by the time DS2 left primary I was running the PTA myself. I have no idea if people thought I was cliquey, but I really couldn’t help it if I’d known some of the mums for 10 years by then and was therefore friendly with them! We always needed help, and happily welcomed anyone who chose to muck in.

All you anti PTA snobs seem to have no idea how essential PTAs are, and how much hard work they do. I spent hours and hours and hours raising loads of money which went directly to stuff for the kids. School funding is so poor now that our PTA money subsidised all the trips, paid for books, classroom renovation, playground equipment, visiting activities, Christmas party/gifts - you name it, we paid for it.

And yes, I probably got to know the teachers slightly better, because if you’re running a school fair then inevitably you talk to the teachers. If you’re still cleaning up the village hall with the teachers an hour after the lazy mums have fucked off home , then you’ll talk to them!

If you’re too busy to help the PTA then fair enough. But don’t slag them off, because they work bloody hard and make your child’s school experience a lot better than it would otherwise be.

I would happily donate instead of being asked to find specific coloured clothing to fit in with the constant themed own clothes day. I can't imagine how lower income families cope with the demands.

There seems to be a complete lack of thought about the added pressures on families expected to source clothing at a moments notice. I would definitely donate in exchange for no longer being harangued for that mundane stuff which isn't important!

And im not a certain sort actually, i joined and was then hoodwinked into chair. Tje only reason i joined is because i was new to the area and wanted to meet people

Abitscattymum wish there was a like button for your post

This is what irritates them accusing parents who aren't obsessed with fundraising for school as lazy. Its self indulged twaddle and its usually SAHM who do the PTA so dont understand. I work in hospital a hugely responsible and stressful job, I deal with life and death but apparently I'm lazy for preferring not to bake some cakes on my days off for them to sell.

The one time I did it the bastards stole my good quality container and never gave it back.

No wonder most right-thinking women run a mile at the sight of one of you bustling over.

there you go, that's the perfect summary of parents too important to lower themselves to try fundraising for their children school.

It is easier to criticise than to actually do something.

Its self indulged twaddle and its usually SAHM who do the PTA so dont understand.

We have ONE mum on maternity leave in our PTA, everybody else works full time and the new treasurer is a surgeon 😂
But nice little goady post.

I totally agree, and as for the post above yours 😮

This.

I used to see similar at work all the time. People moaning non stop about things but nowhere to be seen when a meeting was called with management to discuss said issues.

I have been subjected to sugar coated passive aggressive comments from the pta queen bee in the past too ..

@Greensleeves

some of the other parents are probably doing jobs that actually save lives, you know? Surgeons, nurses, firefighters...I seriouslydoubt they are boiling with awed resentment at Molly from number 11 and her perfect buttercream layers.

OP, you are a living embodiment of the problem with PTAs. No wonder most right-thinking women run a mile at the sight of one of you bustling over.

LOL. It's very simple. If you're too important to care about this then you don't get to slag off people are are less important than you. Just make up your mind.

@strawberriesandkreme of all I had to do was a one hour slot that would be wonderful. That wasn't my experience. I did 5/6 hours every time and helped set up and provided baked goods.

It's great that it's only an hour once or twice a year at your school but that isn't my experience.

I don’t do it because meetings are in work time or on evenings where I have my dc so no childcare.

and we’ll done to all those with 12 children, working full time and also solving climate change who manage to volunteer.

I have an autistic child in crisis, currently not attending school, no support, work full time (although currently signed off due to stress of situation). I have another dc I try and give fair attention to. I’m barely treading water in my own life. I don’t want to share all that with complete strangers so they probably think I’m lazy too.

I've seen horrible comments on here about people who volunteer at their church: 'busybodies' 'nothing better to do' etc.
Where I live people are constantly moaning that the Residents' Association isn't doing this, that or the other; ignoring all the good things they do and never offering to help out with anything
Same here.
Quick to complain and very, very slow to volunteer to support in any way.

If they weren't complaining about the PTA, they'd be moaning about allocation of roles in the local youth theatre, or they'd be moaning that the extracurricular club that the teacher runs voluntarily is not running so they have to pick their child up, or they'd be moaning that their child didn't have a successful audition, or moaning that their child didn't get on the football team because all the football dads and committee folk rig it, and then they're moaning if subs for a club go up because fundraising has been low (but never anywhere to be seen to support), and they'll moan about the people who arranged the flowers in church because it's obviously a secret club to be mates with the vicar. The local parish council might invest lots in the local area and set aside political differences to make progress and bet your bottom dollar the people who whine about the PTA will be whining that the parish Council haven't personally visited their child's cricket club and that's some vendetta.

The thing with PTA parents vs non-PTA parents is that there's sometimes a lack of respect between them which is so unnecessary. I volunteer as team manager for DS' sports activity. It's a surprising amount of work but I don't mind and actually quite enjoy it as I've got to know lots of the other parents and children and I've really enjoyed watching them all get so much better.

BUT.... there's always one or two parents who seem to think that they are too important and that the team managers are some sort of skivvy they can be rude to without realising that actually, we're just parent volunteers with jobs and lives etc. So they don't read the notification re a change to a training session or match and WE get complaints. And then the endlessly annoying but not rude ones who seem to think we live to respond to their endless whatsapps about what kit to bring (it was in the email), where training is (it's in the WhatsApp chat), who is coaching (it was on the email) etc.

On the other hand, I've heard of TMs being incredibly entitled and genuinely thinking that as TM their kid should always be played/be put in a better team etc.

The bulk of TMs are just doing their best however and the bulk of parents are grateful for our efforts and are doing their best too.

Exactly, if a set amount was direct debited each month per family day 2. 50 or 3 quid there would be no need for all the drama & angst surroundeding pta events. More money would be raised & a lot less stress for the whole school community.
However our pta would never agree to that as they like the little bit of power they perceive themselves as having & wouldn't want their elevated social positions with the teachers & heads slipping...

When I was on the PTA committee a LOT of parents said they would rather just bung us £20 or whatever. Our school is a complete mix in terms of incomes so we thought okay, let's do it.

We offered people multiple ways to "bung us" £20.... I think we raised a grand total of something like £35 this way over a year.

Not sure why I was surprised - the school asks for a voluntary contribution of £25 per year per child.... I think someone told me that they consider it a good year if they get 50% of the parents to pay that.

Your post ust show how out of touch you are with the realities of the average parent and just proves the point of people on PTA's forgetting completely that lower income families exist.

The truth of it is most inner city school pupils don't live even close to life you decribe here. Infact I would say atleast 75% of pupils from all types of state primaries don't live that kind of life...

There's a huge difference between bunging the PTA £20 and asking for £20 per child...

Don't really understand your point? My point was that the wealthy parents all said they'd rather just bung us £20. But they didn't.

Seperately, very few parents, including the well off ones, paid the £25 per child which is why, in retrospect, we should have realised that the parents saying they'd rather just give us £20 ad hoc were, in fact, not really wiling to hand over that money. I was originally responding to people who say that they'd rather set up a small direct debit or give the PTA a once off amount. The reality is that it almost never works.

All the evidence is that people don't donate a regular £20/ £50/ £100 or whatever as an alternative to supporting and contributing to events. They say they'd rather but they don't.

The things my (secondary) PTA do are a mixture of fundraising (eg auction nights), community (eg low cost family BBQ's), straight appeals and services to parents (eg uniform shop).

It's a lot of work and no matter how much you dislike the individuals involved they are providing a service and don't deserve the level of vitriol on this thread.

If the posters on Mumsnet are representative of the parents of the children I spend my time working to benefit. I'd give up. So much jealousy and nastiness targeted at PTA workers. Problems with individuals have turned into excuses to denigrate a whole class.

We try not to always ask for money at ours and make it clear we really value when people can spate an hour at an event with zero long term commitment expected.

We do Christmas and whole school fundraiser in autumn, ks1 in spring and ks2 in summer with minimal other requests

I would set up a direct debit if it was guaranteed there would be no more harassing for money and little bits. I'd bite the schools hand off. If they still did the harassing on top there's no point.

The head of our PTA is like Amanda from Motherland, no joke.. Treats everyone on the PTA like poor Ann.. . Won't look at you if you're considered from the wrong side of the tracks.