To ask why so many child-free people are on Mumsnet?

[DarlingClementine85]

I already know this is going to be divisive and I'm hesitating before I even type this. I don't mean this in a snarky or judgemental way at all. It's just a straightforward question that I've been pondering. It seems there's a lot of posters on here who are child-free by choice (I'm not talking about people dealing with infertility who would dearly love to be parents). And I was wondering why, as this is predominantly a forum for getting or giving parental advice? For questions about trying to understand their friends with kids, I absolutely get it. But I see plenty of threads about various parenting issues and there's always people saying things like "I don't have kids, but..."

TIA for not taking offence!!

My god, please read my original comment! I am clearly talking about people posting comments on the parenting threads here saying "I am child-free by choice but here is my opinion on parenting..."

@Mutabiliss

Parenting is only a part of this forum, the same as it's only a part of parents' lives. I have interests beyond my child.

Excellent point. As you say, being a parent is only a part of parents lives. They have much more going on too!

Do you get it yet @DarlingClementine85 ?

I got here by a style and beauty thread and never read the 'Parenting Stuff'.

I do agree that there is far more than parenting on here, however I do find it slightly unnerving when there are childless by choice men commenting on here.

This space was originally set up for mums, and has morphed into a wider space, but I just think that there are so many spaces for men, set up by men that I don't particularly welcome their contributions to threads or the tapping into the female hive mind that some of them seem to use this forum for- we do enough free emotional labour for men irl.

I understand dads using the space (even though I do think perhaps they could set up their own space) as parenting advice for men is harder to come by- but the childless by choice men who start sentences with "I'm a man and I think..." do irritate me - especially when they comment with things like "everyone on Mumsnet says xyz" it just makes me want to write "Stand down women, a man has spoketh".

I think maybe it needs to be called ‘peoples net’ because the name is misleading for people when they join, there are lots of men on here as well. I guess it’s like blackmumsnetters, even though it’s in the title you’ll get lots of people who aren’t black hijacking threads and what not. If people were respectful then that’s fine but it’s the ones that aren’t that annoy me especially when they’re men as they’re deliberately trying to hijack women’s spaces again. Yes I am aware it’s the internet and anyone can pretend to be an anyone but you can usually tell.

I googled to see reactions to furlough during lockdown. It was a top link.

I searched reviews of a beauty product, ended up in Style and Beauty, never left. I’m childless not by choice, and don’t tend to read the parent threads - but there are plenty of others to choose from.

Yes! Exactly this. Yes, this space is vast and brilliant because women built it for women.

how often does this happen though?

But you originally asked on this thread 'why are child free people on mumsnet?'

Many people have explained why...

You are not accepting any answers. You have now moved the goalposts, and are claiming you said 'why do child free people post opinions on parenting?'

Also. I don't think I have actually witnessed child free people posting opinions on parenting anyway.

The other thing that bugs me, is all the threads on “what’s the most annoying mumsnet phrase/thing mumsnetters do/typically mumsnet/etc, thing you hate?”.

Literally threads on what people hate most about the site’s own users.

Such bad form.

I joined Mumsnet half a dozen years before I became a mum, way before becoming a parent was on my agenda. I found the site randomly by googling something related to mental health and a Mumsnet thread came up first in the search. The majority of threads I engaged with had very little to do with having children. It just so happened that some of the posters were parents too.

There's some really sound advice on here, especially on the relationships board. I'm happily married now but I've had some unhealthy romantic relationships in the past and I wish I'd been privy to Mumsnet wisdom back then – I would have recognised the red flags and not let myself stay in those situations for so long.

I rarely post about anything relating to my DC on here. I have plenty of mum friends in real life I can talk to about parenting if I want to. I come here because I find it interesting to read such a broad spectrum of opinions on a vast array of topics, some of which have made me question my own outlook in a positive way.

I think this post is being deliberately mean although OP is trying to make out that she doesn’t intend to be. Only a spiteful smugmum would ask such a question and attempt to exclude women who don’t have children.

Yeah being passive aggressive and calling someone a tit. Does that make you feel better now? Well done you 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@CKL987 I love the drama.

Pamelaaaa

JHC please can we have a section of the forum specifically for this type of recurring post so all the OPs can benefit from the numerous reasons as to why people without kids (shock horror!) would post here!

There’s a ‘new’ OP every week

I agree @CabbagePatchDole And on that note I am out, because whilst I originally thought the OP was just genuinely curious and puzzled, her subsequent posts make it clear she is just being goady. CBA with her any longer.

I'm technically childless and childfree by choice

Because I could have continued to try to have children, I could have adopted, I could have used doner eggs - I could have tried harder as one poster charmingly implied earlier today. But I didn't, I made a conscious decision to stop trying. So I am both childless and childfree by choice.

Luckily MN didn't make me revoke my log in details when I miscarried my child.

Sometimes the repetition of this question makes me wonder why I didn't.

Is this poke at childless/childfree people day today, the threads are wild? Normally we at least get them spaced out by a week or so or clustered around a major holiday.

Passive aggressive? I think you need to brush up on your definitions. Don’t you agree that OP looks foolish?

I am actually a mum now. But joined a decade prior to being one. This is the only female centric U.K. based forum on the net.

It’s a great place!

I love it’s openness and at times bluntness. So many people from different walks of life with a wealth of experience and shared knowledge. No question too stupid to ask. And some great humour.

I know some people are secret MNers but I am proud. I spoke to my dad about it a few years back as he’s interested in technology, the net and SM; and we had a laugh because he said whenever he asks an obscure but must know question 99% of the time it’s mumsnet which provides the answer.

What can I say - behind every great man is a woman, or mumsnet 🤣

You wanted to be divisive so why are surprised that you are getting so many diverse replies? Wasn't that your intention?

We are all different and we all have opinions, I could not care less whether posters on here have children or not, you obviously do and that is fine. I would never comment on anyone's parenting skills, but I have no problem with anyone else doing that, whether they have children or not.

I will be honest

I am 37. No kids only step kids

I come on here to check that my views re stepkids are valid

Most of what I find is shite and I pay no notice

I also come on to read about the pettiness of parenthood and to validate my feelings that its not for me.

Also I love the snobbery. A bunch of lower class people masquerading as middle class. Hilarious. I especially love the 'how much do you REALLY earn' threads ...

Even those who do not have children did have parents (for the most part...I'm sure some came up in custodial care). And those people all remember being a child, and knowing what they wish their parent's had done or said, or had not done or said. Regardless of your status (or non-status) as a parent, we ALL have experience with being a child, and almost all of us have experience at having parents, for good or for ill.

Yes, our outlooks change when we become parents, but sometimes it is helpful to listen to those who are simply remember what it was to be a child.

Ok I really am sorry I seem to have misread this forum. I thought it was predominantly a community of women who had kids. That doesn't make us better or worse than people who don't have kids, I just thought it was a degree of common ground, and found it surprising when I read a number of posters on parenting issues threads saying they didn't have children through choice.

Of course I don't have a problem with people who don't have kids (but thanks for trying to push that narrative). You can all put your pitchforks down now 😬

i used to think that but looked at some threads and realised you can talk about anything you want

i dont have dc i still enjoy posting its not like turning up to a baby group without a child