To ask why so many child-free people are on Mumsnet?

[DarlingClementine85]

I already know this is going to be divisive and I'm hesitating before I even type this. I don't mean this in a snarky or judgemental way at all. It's just a straightforward question that I've been pondering. It seems there's a lot of posters on here who are child-free by choice (I'm not talking about people dealing with infertility who would dearly love to be parents). And I was wondering why, as this is predominantly a forum for getting or giving parental advice? For questions about trying to understand their friends with kids, I absolutely get it. But I see plenty of threads about various parenting issues and there's always people saying things like "I don't have kids, but..."

TIA for not taking offence!!

Non-parent here, didn't know there were many others!

I joined as I'm a writer, and used MumsNet as a research tool for characters who are mothers or expecting. I've found exploring the AIBU's quite enlightening to see how perspectives may shift and understand pressure points in raising children which would have never occurred to me. Most of all, it's been educational in seeing how parents support or judge one another and the way these communications play out.

Even going through the responses here says a lot.

Back to my observation corner I go.

I'm CNBC and have been here a long time. I read a lot of random threads, eg threads about dogs and neighbour issues even though I have neither. Rarely ever comment on parenting threads but there have been times when I might have something useful to add; funnily we don't live in a bubble. I have a lot of kids around me, a lot of personal experience with autism and LDs, work in mental health etc so if I know something that might help I might comment, but obviously never in a judgemental 'parenting is easy way', because I'm not a dick and it isn't. I'm excluded from lots of spaces in my life through being CNBC and disabled. I'm really glad that Mumsnet isn't one of them, but these threads never make me feel good.

I can't remember why I discovered Mumsnet, it was totally by accident though, I'd asked some question about something on Google and Mumsnet popped up.

I found the advice helpful, and then I discovered other chats which I found intriguing, curious and funny.

I've been able to change my outlook after reading some posts, and I've been challenged, and rightly so on some occasions, and changed my opinion because someone has provided education.

I'm not on any other social media, and so it is quite nice just to read about things that people might be going through, and maybe offer a bit of support when relevant.

I've also been an arse when I've been drunk, sorry about that.

I don't have kids, and I'm also a gay man, but, I do love reading about how to efficiently dry washing when it's too warm to have the heating on, yet too wet to hang it outside. I also love looking at all your beautiful dresses when you are asking if 'this will suit this occasion'.

I was wondering that as well. Then further down she posts:

It's the posts where people are judgemental towards parents just trying to do their best and then it transpires they don't have any, through choice. It's peculiar.

She’s new and has only been reading parenting threads but a lot of the posts she’s seen have been by childfree women judging parents? Seems odd, I mean I know some childfree do stick their nose in where they don’t belong but for her to then create a thread about it implies a disproportionately large number of these women commenting.

Thank you for your genuinely lovely reply, it's restored my faith in this community. There really are a lot of surprisingly angry people on here.

Where do you decide the line of angry vs passionate debate?

In your opening op, you did put this may be decisive,

What did you expect everyone sit down and have a cuppa and explain as polite as possible your reasons for x,

This is the loveliest and most honest reply I've ever seen on one of these posts.
No defensiveness, no confrontation, no judgement, just open and genuine. We could all learn a lot from your approach, myself included 💗

@DarlingClementine85

Just because people disagree with you does not make them angry. You got diverse views, that should be the thing which makes you realise the forum is a sort if community.

We are all different and really that is exactly what I want on a Forum. Who wants everyone to agree, that would be so boring.

I guess it would be anything you wouldn't say to someones face. E.g.

"How dare you?
What a stupid post, clearly meant to rile and shame childfree people. Silly little cow.

The childfree of us are allowed to function you know. Idiots like you really shouldn't breed."

Clearly unhinged but I would say that crosses the line into anger, borderline abusive.

It’s a good forum for discussion things.

OP, you stir the pot by writing what you yourself describe as a 'divisive post' and then act injured when you get some snarky responses.

Try to be less of a wet wipe.

@DarlingClementine85 Thanks. There will be some people who will try to argue with you, no matter how sincere your post or comment may be. They'll try to invalidate your opinion or turn it into a mountain out of a molehill. I'd say ignore it, but I usually respond 🤣. Like I said though, there are plenty of people on here that give great advice.

Hopefully you'll enjoy the site.

@CountZacular, yes exactly that, your question wouldn't get my back up, with the phrasing suggesting genuine curiosity. The OP - and the others who post this weekly - with their urgh, why are you even here vibe - very much do get my back up.
I'm baffled sometimes why us evil childfree folks do stay when so many posters would rather we fuck off! Somehow the toilet brush wars and dozens of threads that are not remotely to do with parenting keep luring me back though.

I originally joined Gransnet, but honestly, this forum gets way more traffic, and is much more interesting! Too many games threads over with the Grans, although they are a lovely bunch.

This site is unique in that is a moderated chat forum for all women's topics, not just parenting, and it's easy to navigate. I don't know of any other like it, and I am not from the UK, there is no equivalent in my country, so I come here for entertainment, comraderie, advice, and sometimes a laugh.

Overdramatic much?

I'm baffled sometimes why us evil childfree folks do stay when so many posters would rather we fuck off!

I don’t think anyone wants people to fuck off because they are child-free. It’s the people who enjoy judging and belittling and scolding parents that bother me.
In the same way I don’t want the blokes to fuck off either, just that they mind their manners.

This place has a unique culture because it was started up by and for mums.

❤️ What a lovely comment. Thank you.

I am guilty of being a dickhead on occasion though, especially if I've had a drink and if it is a provocative post instigating argument.

Each instance has been a way for me to reflect though 😅.

You don't need a child to be on MN.

Loads of different things to talk about,

I don't have kids, and I'm also a gay man,

I am a single mum and my gay friends have been there for me, babysitting, teachers at school. Thank you for all you do.

I used to be surprised too but there are so many other discussions, most of which pop up when you use google, so it makes sense. The original idea was: Mumsnet is a London-based internet forum, created in 2000 by Justine Roberts for discussion between parents of children and teenagers.[2][3]
But it's moved on, so maybe the name should too!

It only annoys when posters say they don’t have children but then are extremely judgemental of people who are having problems with things like their toddler not sleeping or teen being difficult or issues with an adult child. Often very normal and common things. They say ‘I’d do this or that’ and ‘I wouldn’t stand for it.’ They over simplify because they don’t know and the judgement is off the scale. It’s all very easy when you’re not actually dealing with or haven’t dealt with it.

What a bizarre question OP! Most of the threads aren't about parenting. I'm a parent and I find most of those threads boring tbh!!

I didn’t realise there were so many child free by choice people on Mumsnet! I am currently pregnant but I joined a few years ago for the women’s health and infertility topics. I was really concerned about my fertility because I was in my early 20s and felt odd for having ‘issues.’ Thankfully I am pregnant now and still in my 20s, but I’ve stayed on Mumsnet for the other topics too.

I assumed that everyone on Mumsnet was a parent/carer, pregnant/expectant parent, worked with children/provide childcare, ttc or had fertility issues. Then those people also stay for non-parenting related topics. I do wonder how people who never wanted children end up on Mumsnet and stay here.

I joined as I wanted children, but didn't have them.

It's a fast moving forum and can be quite useful for questions about anything really, or just general chat. There's a lot more to it now than parenting, whatever the initial purpose of the site was.

I agree, don't apologise op, you are allowed to ask questions..