Sibs think we should sell to pay care home fees

[SeriouslyTryadifferentstory]

Context: Victorian semi, converted into two one bed flats by myself and my parents in the '90s. I married and DH and I have continued to live in and own the ground floor flat, with extension and garden (and paid off the bloody mortgage!) , parents owned (paid for outright) and lived in the upper flat. Mum died a decade ago and Dad has recently moved into a care home so his flat has to be sold to pay the fees. DH is also battling a chronic illness.

My brothers (2 of them) think that we should "just sell the whole house and we'll find you "somewhere to live". My Sis is telling them to back off and I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone.

Sorry, just needed to vent.

I liked the bottom flat so bought it from them for the FULL market value. I haven't gained financially in any way.

Just seen this so they are being bonkers. Did they get offered the opportunity to buy it?

If the flat is in your name then I don't even understand where your brother is coming from.
It's not for sale it's your home. Nothing selfish about it.

Your brothers can sell their homes too then and include that in 50/50 split. What a load of absolute bollocks. One of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard.

You'd also potentially just be giving money to the council. If your Dad lives for any length of time anything he has to leave may well be swallowed up by care home fees - £1-1.5K a week plus extras adds up to frightening amounts very quickly.

What you're proposing is that rate-payers fund someone's living costs. If a person has the means to pay for their care, they should.

@SeriouslyTryadifferentstory shouldn't sell her flat, of course not. And her brothers are bastards to try to force her.

But if their father has sufficient assets to fund his living costs, why should tax-payers pick up the bill just so that the OP and her siblings "get their inheritance"? If their father needs to use his assets to live, there IS no inheritance.

As you bought it a market value, that’s case closed and they’re just being arses.

Perhaps your brothers could sell their homes and find somewhere else to live just because their dads flat is being sold. Who has power of attorney for your dad? I hope you have this and not your brothers. You can then sell the flat and pay the fees whilst managing your dads money.

Given that your Dad has advanced dementia he has possibly himself forgotten about selling the ground floor flat to you and refers to the whole building as his and your brother has in his greed clutched at that.

I imagine that the flat has increased in value a fair bit too and your brother is in retrospect wishing he'd bought it as an investment.

I think you need to write an email to all your siblings reminding them that you bought the flat from your parents at what was then a fair price and that this all discussed at the time at the family meeting. I'd also remind them that if you hadn't bought that flat you would have bought somewhere else, and that flat would also have increased in price , as would the flat if your parents sold it to someone else

I imagine in your brother's head he is saying you " only paid X amount for the flat " and that is all you are entitled to forgetting that any other flat you bought in the 1990s would have similarly increased in value.

If , as I suspect to be the case , you also did a larger share of looking after your parents due to proximity I would also remind the others that they benefitted from that

It's not wrong to point out that any money the family makes by persuading the OP to sell her home even though she doesn't want to might not benefit them in any event.

I don't think anyone, including the OP is suggesting the dads flat should not be liquidated to pay his fees, when he dies, any residual can be split up - if his funds run out the LA will take over paying.

Thats the system, the OP does not have to pay anything, neither do her siblings.

Anyone with half a brain would check the deeds on the Land Registry, to show who owns the property. If the siblings can't understand that, there is no point in further conversation.

I have never said that tax payers should fund Dad's care to protect my inheritance and find it quite distasteful that you would even suggest it.

I don't understand why your brothers think you should do this. Obviously his flat needs to be sold or someone has to apply to the LA for a DPA if its not out of timescale. But he would be expected to this with his own property not yours. Where you live doesn't come into it as you need to keep living there. Once theoney from his home runs out that's when the LA need to support with funding towards the placement.

Or perhaps brother can sell his home if he thinks it's so necessary.

Calling you selfish is on another level especially as I imagine you have given lots of support to your parents over the time living so close by. I would refuse contact if he's to carry on with personal insults especially unfounded ones.

Sorry that should say once the money

Sorry previous message was aimed @DollyParkin

Remind your brother that any money from your flat is 100% yours. Not money that would go into the family pot.

I can't decide if he's thinking that that flats are maybe worth £150k each but a lot more sold together, say £400k for the complete building.

They are taking the piss. Their plan seems to be to sell the whole lot giving you 50%, despite the fact your flat is worth more than 50% because you say it has the garden etc.
Their idea is that there will then be more money in Dad's pot. They assume that he won't live that long based on his age and current health and therefore by basically stealing money from you that increases the pot which means that if your Dad doesn't use up all of his assets in the care home, there will be more to divide up when he dies.
It's disgusting if that is their plan.

If he uses up all of his assets in the care home, that's it, no inheritance.
They have no right whatsoever to start demanding that you sell your flat. They are trying to rip you off.

I purchased my house in '99 for £120K, recently valued at £425K, thats how property works. So I'm guessing the OP purchased for much less than its now worth, nothing wrong with that at all. She is also mortgage free, what will be happening in the brothers mind is pure and simple jealousy, that she made money (notionally) from something purchased fairly from the parents, and is now free of debt.
I'm putting money on he is still paying a mortgage and is upset at your good fortune OP, even though he is probably not comparing like for like, still its wrankling him and hes doing a cash grab attempt.
Problem for him is the OP is watertight and his jealousy / insecurity are nothing to do with her, ha!!

Last thought from me on this one, many others have said put it in writing to your siblings that you are not interested.

I'd go further, get a solicitor to write to them explaining in no uncertain terms that you are not interested in their scheme and are not selling. and will not enter into further correspondence on the matter.

Yes, it will cost about £200, yes it will piss them right off, but its final - as someone in business I can say there is nothing quite like a solicitors letter, 9 times out of 10 it shuts people up once and for all and is worth the outlay.

I would expect a letter like that to cost a lot more than £200, @tonyatotter.

Guess it depends where you live, solicitors letter from our local firms (rural south west) is £150/£200 (just had one drawn up and paid the bill on friday!)

In London I'll guess a large premium on that, but whatever it will be worth doing.

https://www.armstrongfamilylaw.co.uk/news/how-much-does-a-letter-cost/#:~:text=A%20short%20and%20straightforward%20letter,including%20VAT%20at%2020%25).

I'd answer their calls and let them rant their tits off while I cleaned the bathroom.

this ^

Not read the entire thread but I bet you and your DH have taken care of any parental needs over the years and your brothers have probably done little or nothing. Whether that's the case or not they have a bloody cheek even making the suggestion, let alone being nasty and forceful in their contacts with you. They are just being greedy bastards who are trying to increase their inheritance. Your flat has absolutely nothing to do with your father's estate. Infact you may have been in the position to have sold it in the past, if that had been the case this wouldn't have come up. Tell them to take a hike!

Where did I propose that OP's father's means should not be used to pay for his care? Hint for you: absolutely nowhere. Nor did I suggest anywhere that this would somehow enable OP and her siblings to "get their inheritance". I can't fathom how on earth you drew such weird conclusions from my post, unless it was wishful thinking on your part.

For the hard of thinking, what I was pointing out was that it would be absurd for OP to be made to sell in order to give her own and her husband's money to her father, particularly given that the only benefit could ultimately be to decrease the council's potential liability. Would you do that, @DollyParkin?