Page 16 | Sibs think we should sell to pay care home fees

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 2023-05-21T22:15:43+00:00

Context: Victorian semi, converted into two one bed flats by myself and my parents in the '90s. I married and DH and I have continued to live in and own the ground floor flat, with extension and garden (and paid off the bloody mortgage!) , parents owned (paid for outright) and lived in the upper flat. Mum died a decade ago and Dad has recently moved into a care home so his flat has to be sold to pay the fees. DH is also battling a chronic illness. My brothers (2 of them) think that we should "just sell the whole house and we'll find you "somewhere to live". My Sis is telling them to back off and I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone. Sorry, just needed to vent.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 22/05/2023 14:48

If anyone asks again, tell them you are happy if they want to sell their homes to pay for dad's care.

Otherwise, your flat is yours, paid for and owned, and is a separate property which is not relevant to the care costs of your father's property anyway.

Edwina83 · 22/05/2023 14:49

Unfortunately these situations bring out terrible sides to some people even when the cost is the breakdown of family relationships. Do not be bullied. You have every right to stay in your home. Your brothers are being greedy in a most unpleasant way and should not get what they want.

HowcanIhelp123 · 22/05/2023 14:51

Dear CF,

This is my home, for which I payed full market value as you are well aware. Had I not bought it, parents would have sold to someone else. You would not be harassing them to sell their flat, and as such you should not be harassing me to sell mine.

If you would like to put your own home up for sale to contribute to dads estate feel free, but I shall not be doing so.

Fuck right off then fuck off some more,

OP

NatureNurture85 · 22/05/2023 14:51

I can’t see how your brother thinks this is even something he could ask of you! You own the flat I mean Joe Bloggs could own the flat and he can’t ask him to sell. He’s absolutely bonkers (your brother not Joe!).

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 22/05/2023 14:52

DollyParkin · 22/05/2023 14:36

Well, of course you all need to sell your father's flat to pay the care home fees. He can't live there any more, and he needs security where he can live. You can't expect other tax-payers to fund your father to live in two homes!

But as for selling the whole building - well, you could look into that? I assume that the conversion into 2 flats, and the transfer of half of your parents' asset to you (cutting out your siblings) was done legally & you paid a market rate?

The parents were going to sell the ground floor flat anyway, OP and her DH bought it from them at market rate. The parents then used that money - their money - to enjoy life, as they are perfectly entitled to do so.

If they'd sold the flat to a random, or the OP had bought a different flat, would anyone think the brothers had a right to insist that flat be sold?

The OP hasn't deprived her brothers of anything. She bought a flat, with her own money. She just happened to buy it from her parents.

CarolinaInTheMorning · 22/05/2023 14:56

The 50-50 split the brothers want is bizarre in my opinion. Even if the two flats were sold as one house, the proceeds should be apportioned according to the relative value of each flat. OP's is obviously worth more so she should get more than 50 percent. YANBU, OP.

JenniferBarkley · 22/05/2023 15:01

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 14:18

They went to all the far-flung places they'd never been able to afford before and had an absolute ball!

Show quote history

Wonderful!

ArdeteiMasazxu · 22/05/2023 15:03

There's no rational reason for the brother to be doing this. He may be deeply stupid, or he may be trying to manipulate OP if he underestimates her intelligence, because anyone with any sense can see his whole take on this situation is mad.

He may simply be thinking that OP got a discount and therefore is "ahead" on inheritance (this isn't true), but given that Dad has dementia is it possible that Dad has confused the situation by not having a clear grasp on reality and thus talking about the flats to dbro in a way that made it seem less clear-cut?

Tanith · 22/05/2023 15:14

"There's no rational reason for the brother to be doing this. He may be deeply stupid, or he may be trying to manipulate OP if he underestimates her intelligence, because anyone with any sense can see his whole take on this situation is mad."

Or he may want to sell the site for redevelopment.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 22/05/2023 15:15

But as for selling the whole building - well, you could look into that?

Why would OP do that?

EdieLedwell · 22/05/2023 15:23

DollyParkin · 22/05/2023 14:36

Well, of course you all need to sell your father's flat to pay the care home fees. He can't live there any more, and he needs security where he can live. You can't expect other tax-payers to fund your father to live in two homes!

But as for selling the whole building - well, you could look into that? I assume that the conversion into 2 flats, and the transfer of half of your parents' asset to you (cutting out your siblings) was done legally & you paid a market rate?

Yes why?

mainsfed · 22/05/2023 15:28

My brothers want to sell both flats and split the proceeds 50/50. As I own the bigger flat with its own large garden, I'd effectively be giving money to Dad.

I would ask him who will find your solicitors fees, surveys, moving fees, time and effort finding a new joke, cleaning it and decorating it?

If dad’s money finds it, surely any savings made by selling the wholes house just get sucked into your moving costs?

He called me a selfish little bitch and hung up on me!

Please go NC with him.

mainsfed · 22/05/2023 15:30

DollyParkin · 22/05/2023 14:36

Well, of course you all need to sell your father's flat to pay the care home fees. He can't live there any more, and he needs security where he can live. You can't expect other tax-payers to fund your father to live in two homes!

But as for selling the whole building - well, you could look into that? I assume that the conversion into 2 flats, and the transfer of half of your parents' asset to you (cutting out your siblings) was done legally & you paid a market rate?

Why should she look into it? This is her home.

I want you to look into selling your home and buying somewhere cheaper. I then want you to give the leftover money to charity.

Let me know when you’ve looked into it.

CheshireCat1 · 22/05/2023 15:30

If you’re happy where you are and you seem to be, I wouldn’t get involved with conversations with your brothers about it, if they bring it up again just tell them straight and that you don’t want to fall out with them but if they carry on you will. Stick to your guns and I hope they start to knock it on the head.

Newspeaker · 22/05/2023 15:31

DrDavidStarKey · 22/05/2023 14:30

I don't know your full details but if it helps. I owned a house jointly with my father 50/50. The government told me I had to sell to pay his fees but via a solicitor I told them I would not sell and as half a house is valueless, he got council care without further ado. He had left me his half in his will and so that was sorted once he died and I had the deeds put in my name only.

Why would that help? It’s a completely different situation. It’s very easy to click on see all on the Op’s posts and at least read the information they have supplied.

Strawberrydelight78 · 22/05/2023 15:31

You shouldn't have to sell your home I'm sure you have enough stress to deal with without moving house on top of that.

CantFindTheBeat · 22/05/2023 15:32

"
In this case it doesn't matter. My parents decided to convert the house to two flats with intention of selling the bottom flat and living in the top flat. They liked the area and the neighbours and didn't want to move.

I liked the bottom flat so bought it from them for the FULL market value. I haven't gained financially in any way."

Looks like your siblings are bonkers then, OP.

And I imagine your siblings have also benefited from the care and support you've given your parents by being so close by.

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 15:34

Tanith · 22/05/2023 15:14

"There's no rational reason for the brother to be doing this. He may be deeply stupid, or he may be trying to manipulate OP if he underestimates her intelligence, because anyone with any sense can see his whole take on this situation is mad."

Or he may want to sell the site for redevelopment.

How, when he doesnt own the site.

And one person doesnt own the site either, father owns a flat and below that OP owns a different flat. There isnt a site as such

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 15:35

CheshireCat1 · 22/05/2023 15:30

If you’re happy where you are and you seem to be, I wouldn’t get involved with conversations with your brothers about it, if they bring it up again just tell them straight and that you don’t want to fall out with them but if they carry on you will. Stick to your guns and I hope they start to knock it on the head.

Although even if she wasnt happy where she was and also wanted to sell her flat, she would then take her money from the flat and move somewhere else with it, it has no bearing on the fathers flat being sold to pay for his care, OP is nothing to do with that financially

ScribblingPixie · 22/05/2023 15:36

Absolutely astonishing suggestion from your brothers that can only have been made in order to benefit themselves financially. Shameful of them actually.

loislovesstewie · 22/05/2023 15:40

No is a complete sentence.
Don't engage with anyone who thinks you should sell. No need to explain.

CabernetSauvignon · 22/05/2023 15:41

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 12:07

My brothers want to sell both flats and split the proceeds 50/50. As I own the bigger flat with its own large garden, I'd effectively be giving money to Dad.

Dad is in his late 90s, has severe dementia among many other health issues and quite honestly could pop off at any moment. Any money he leaves will be split equally 4 ways. So by selling my flat and giving some of the proceeds to Dad I could actually be increasing my brothers inheritance.

Thank you all for your input. Its forced me to think properly about what I want to do, rather than just getting upset about my brothers.

You'd also potentially just be giving money to the council. If your Dad lives for any length of time anything he has to leave may well be swallowed up by care home fees - £1-1.5K a week plus extras adds up to frightening amounts very quickly.

Next time your brothers push you to sell ask them whether they're offering to sell their homes to contribute to the pot. When they say no, point out that that makes them selfish little bitch equivalents, because the position is certainly no different.

Tellmeimcrazy · 22/05/2023 15:44

Even if OP were to sell her flat for whatever reason (she isn't obligated to, of course), no one is entitled to that money apart from her and her DH.

Not sure what the hell her brother is thinking. All I can think is perhaps he still sees it as the family home? Does he even know the full story? Odd behaviour.

Sorry OP your brothers sound horrible. I'm glad your sister is on your side.

curtainsfringe · 22/05/2023 15:46

You paid of a mortgage which means it was all done properly.

Doesn't it depend on what was paid though?

Tellmeimcrazy · 22/05/2023 15:47

Also it's crazy they think they can get 50% of what's yours anyway? If your flat sells for let's say 400k and your parents for 300k. You'd be losing 50k. Makes no sense at all. If they want to sell your dad's an split it 4 ways after the care has been paid for that's a different matter.