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Original poster

Sibs think we should sell to pay care home fees

731 replies

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 21/05/2023 23:15

Context: Victorian semi, converted into two one bed flats by myself and my parents in the '90s. I married and DH and I have continued to live in and own the ground floor flat, with extension and garden (and paid off the bloody mortgage!) , parents owned (paid for outright) and lived in the upper flat. Mum died a decade ago and Dad has recently moved into a care home so his flat has to be sold to pay the fees. DH is also battling a chronic illness.

My brothers (2 of them) think that we should "just sell the whole house and we'll find you "somewhere to live". My Sis is telling them to back off and I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone.

Sorry, just needed to vent.

OP posts:
KCandtheSunlightBand · 22/05/2023 14:05

Your Father (and Mother originally) have already had the money for your flat, which you effectively purchased from them. So the estate has already benefited from the money. What have they done with that? I’m hoping you say lots of holidays, cars, fun etc. worth reminding your D bros of that, and if your DPs spent it, then so be it.

XelaM · 22/05/2023 14:05

Send estate agents round to your brothers' houses to get them valued for sale to give to your dad 👍

GnomeDePlume · 22/05/2023 14:10

Is it possible that OP's DBs got the wrong end of the stick a couple of decades ago and just can't let go?

This is just the sort of thing my DB would do then fume about it. Even when he finds out the truth he would still fume!

Exasperatednow · 22/05/2023 14:11

Your brother sounds like an idiot. If you really want to settle this, I suspect you need to write a timeline of what happened, when. If he is really that bothered, I would then suggest he pays for a solicitor to look it over and expensively tell him, he's an idiot.

aloris · 22/05/2023 14:16

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 11:31

Two different flats registered with the Land Registry. Dad's name is on the deeds for the top flat, mine and DHs on the deeds for the bottom flat. The whole family have always been aware of this. I'm not sure why people think we'd pay a mortgage on a property we would never own?

When my oldest brother called earlier for his daily "have you come to your senses yet?" chat I told him I have arranged for a couple of EAs to come and give us a price for Dad's flat only. He called me a selfish little bitch and hung up on me!

Wow, that is awful, sorry your brother treated you like that. They know you bought the flat for fair market value and want you to simply give half of it to your dad, and hence themselves. Would they give your dad half the value of their homes? "We'll find you somewhere to live." Like you're a stray dog. Have they always treated you like this?

sueelleker · 22/05/2023 14:16

I'm wondering what miserable sort of property the DB's would "find" for OP to live in. Probably be the cheapest, scruffiest place they could find.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 22/05/2023 14:17

XelaM · 22/05/2023 14:05

Send estate agents round to your brothers' houses to get them valued for sale to give to your dad 👍

I was about to say this - get them to sell their houses too and put some of the money towards your Dad's care.

Can you imagine if you were mad enough to agree - you can bet they would stitch you up with Estate Agent and Legal fees. Utterly selfish bastards.

Original poster
SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 14:18

KCandtheSunlightBand · 22/05/2023 14:05

Your Father (and Mother originally) have already had the money for your flat, which you effectively purchased from them. So the estate has already benefited from the money. What have they done with that? I’m hoping you say lots of holidays, cars, fun etc. worth reminding your D bros of that, and if your DPs spent it, then so be it.

They went to all the far-flung places they'd never been able to afford before and had an absolute ball!

OP posts:
Tara336 · 22/05/2023 14:21

It's your home, why should you sell it? Stand your ground if its not something you want to do. I completely understand how you feel wanting to be left alone the stress of your DF needing to go into care is enough on its own without being pressured to sell your home,

Original poster
SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 14:23

GnomeDePlume · 22/05/2023 14:10

Is it possible that OP's DBs got the wrong end of the stick a couple of decades ago and just can't let go?

This is just the sort of thing my DB would do then fume about it. Even when he finds out the truth he would still fume!

Nope everything was transparent so that situations like this didn't arise. My sister remembers the family meeting clearly, even down to my eldest bro being pleased that parents would have someone nearby as they got older.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 22/05/2023 14:23

Stick to your guns OP. Your own home is nothing to do with your siblings.

GnomeDePlume · 22/05/2023 14:23

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 14:18

They went to all the far-flung places they'd never been able to afford before and had an absolute ball!

Show quote history

I wonder if this is the source of DBs' issue? They remember the ground floor flat being sold to you but don't remember (or have mentally discounted the cost of) the holidays your parents took.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 22/05/2023 14:27

I can't get over the sheer brass neck of your brothers. Stick to your guns OP - this is absolutely about them wanting to increase their inheritance at the cost your (hard-earned and paid for) home.

Irritatedmum · 22/05/2023 14:28

This isn’t what you’re asking but would you buy the upper flat from your dad for yourself and reconvert into a single house?

As for your brothers, I wouldn’t even answer the phone any more. They can fuck off. What a bully.

DrDavidStarKey · 22/05/2023 14:30

I don't know your full details but if it helps. I owned a house jointly with my father 50/50. The government told me I had to sell to pay his fees but via a solicitor I told them I would not sell and as half a house is valueless, he got council care without further ado. He had left me his half in his will and so that was sorted once he died and I had the deeds put in my name only.

GnomeDePlume · 22/05/2023 14:31

@SeriouslyTryadifferentstory I'm not doubting you by the way just trying to get my head round why your DBs seem to see the two flats as in some way joined together.

diddl · 22/05/2023 14:32

even down to my eldest bro being pleased that parents would have someone nearby as they got older.

I bet he was🙄

Even if you had had some discount on the flat your parents would probably have felt it worth it to have had you as the occupier rather than someone they didn't know.

Your brother sounds nasty & stupid tbh.

If you sold your flat neither he wouldn't benefit anyway!

DollyParkin · 22/05/2023 14:36

Well, of course you all need to sell your father's flat to pay the care home fees. He can't live there any more, and he needs security where he can live. You can't expect other tax-payers to fund your father to live in two homes!

But as for selling the whole building - well, you could look into that? I assume that the conversion into 2 flats, and the transfer of half of your parents' asset to you (cutting out your siblings) was done legally & you paid a market rate?

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/05/2023 14:37

You would have to be insane to sell up!

Floppyelf · 22/05/2023 14:37

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 14:23

Nope everything was transparent so that situations like this didn't arise. My sister remembers the family meeting clearly, even down to my eldest bro being pleased that parents would have someone nearby as they got older.

Show quote history

Then the grubby little golddiggers are attempting to get their hands on your flat. I’d be a lot more explicit especially after the way he spoke to you on the phone. Men like that would only gamble it away and spend it on sexual services from vulnerable/trafficked people.

MargotBamborough · 22/05/2023 14:38

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 14:18

They went to all the far-flung places they'd never been able to afford before and had an absolute ball!

Show quote history

Good for them!

mainsfed · 22/05/2023 14:38

It’s crazy that you’ve owned the flat since the NINETIES and yet your brothers still think you should sell your home.

I hope there’s not a penny left for either of them.

Teentaxidriver · 22/05/2023 14:41

No no no. Your brothers sounds like entitled bullies. Stick
to your guns. Come back to MN if you need to vent or reassurance 😊

ClawedButler · 22/05/2023 14:43

Ask your brother if he'd like a kidney while he's at it.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 22/05/2023 14:46

The reason everyone has asked so many questions is that it doesn't make any sense at all for them to be asking you to sell your own house you paid for with your own money!

I would not answer the phone to such an awful person again. Full stop.

I bet you did all the caring of your dad these past years, you are the opposite of selfish!