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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That dh invited somebody for lunch without telling me

122 replies

Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 13:55

Single bloke at church, plans fell through so dh said come join us.
Otoh we have enough food and space and it's good to be hospitable.

Otoh I had not CLEANED THE LOO! And we've a daughter doing gcse's whose stuff is all over the dining table and is now being cleared away. And also I've not been 100% myself recently and was planning a big of a chill afternoon.

But then otoh again dh has come home and scrubbed the loo (guest not yet here) and I've been clear I'm still carrying out my planned activity.

And then otoh I've got no PUDDING! And he told him 2.30 and I was really planning a bit before that. And there's little ant traps down in the kitchen so we look plague ridden.

I'm honestly on the fence myself....

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 21/05/2023 13:58

I think you need to chill more. So what if the loo isn't bleached or you have no pudding? Surely it's more important to be kind to someone.

SeasonFinale · 21/05/2023 13:58

what does otoh mean?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/05/2023 13:59

On the one hand, on the other hand. The OP is up to four hands now. Grin

Mrsphilmiller · 21/05/2023 14:00

On the other hand

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/05/2023 14:00

Balancing on the fence with her four hands stretched out for stability ...

Nicknacky · 21/05/2023 14:01

So he did tell you?

Original poster
Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 14:02

@Gettingbysomehow you are dh and I claim my £5

Yes OBVIOUSlY that's the case but I think being kind can also involve a nice shiny loo and a bit of cheesecake aka an agreed plan

OP posts:
Original poster
Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 14:03

He texted on his way home, he was cycling. So dd and I had left beforehand.

My roast spuds are ready now! Aaargh!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 21/05/2023 14:03

Why are you making this such a drama?

Evaka · 21/05/2023 14:04

How gross is your bog normally?

AgentProvocateur · 21/05/2023 14:05

He’s coming for lunch - not to inspect your house. Relax and be grateful you have such a kind DH.

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 14:07

Am I the only person that would be severely fucked off if their DH invited someone to lunch without asking first!? I'd be raging!

ChaChaRealSmooth · 21/05/2023 14:07

If someone has been kind enough to invite me for a lunch, I wouldn’t be noticing the toilet or the clutter on the table. I’d be grateful for the generosity. Don’t worry about it, homes are meant to be lived in. :)

Original poster
Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 14:07

@Evaka it's actually fine but my mum would clean for three days before guests so inherited trauma

@Nicknacky to distract myself Grin and it's Aibu. A thread about dh doing something that I'm chill with would be boring

OP posts:
SmashedApricot · 21/05/2023 14:07

Just be gracious this one time after all the poor bloke was invited by your other half he didn't know you had plans . Just have a chat with your other half later and tell him in future not just to invite random people home for lunch but to discuss it with you first .

MasterBeth · 21/05/2023 14:08

Doesn't being a Christian mean you're supposed to be more bothered about human kindness than household etiquette?

Nicknacky · 21/05/2023 14:08

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 14:07

Am I the only person that would be severely fucked off if their DH invited someone to lunch without asking first!? I'd be raging!

It wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s lunch and it’s his house too. He doesn’t need
to ask permission and would you have said no?

FloofCloud · 21/05/2023 14:09

God .. awful! Sunday is for being chilled before next week starts

SparklyBlackKitten · 21/05/2023 14:11

Otoh otoh otoh

Wtf

TedMullins · 21/05/2023 14:11

Wouldn’t bother me but I’d sit back and let DH do all the hosting, I wouldn’t change my plans or do extra prep

BeautifulJames · 21/05/2023 14:11

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 14:07

Am I the only person that would be severely fucked off if their DH invited someone to lunch without asking first!? I'd be raging!

Me, too. I absolutely hate unplanned visits due to my introverted and anxious nature. I like a lead up to the visit to compose myself and scrub the hpuse from top to bottom. Lol 😆

LittleBlueBrioTrain · 21/05/2023 14:12

With all those hands you'll have a cheesecake made and the house guest ready in no time.

queenMab99 · 21/05/2023 14:15

Although I might panic a little at the thought of a less than shiny loo, I would like to think of myself as a person who could take this sort of thing in her stride. I would also be quite proud that my partner thought I was that sort of person. (Especially as he has cleaned the loo) My husband sometimes invited lonely single men from a group he was in , to share Christmas with us, although he did ask in advance. My mother also used to come for Christmas, she was sometimes a bit 😳at them, but enjoyed the extra company.

Original poster
Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 14:15

I wouldn't have said no but I would have planned in advance. He used my gravy pan to make his breakfast this morning so it's still in the dishwasher. Will the trials never end!

OP posts:
Original poster
Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 14:18

Tbh I would have been better able to cope were I not having a bit of a shit peri time atm which he knows about. He clearly has underestimated that. He's also the extrovert and I'm in the introvert in the house. So our natural reactions to guests differ

OP posts:
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