That dh invited somebody for lunch without telling me

[Northernlurker]

Single bloke at church, plans fell through so dh said come join us.
Otoh we have enough food and space and it's good to be hospitable.

Otoh I had not CLEANED THE LOO! And we've a daughter doing gcse's whose stuff is all over the dining table and is now being cleared away. And also I've not been 100% myself recently and was planning a big of a chill afternoon.

But then otoh again dh has come home and scrubbed the loo (guest not yet here) and I've been clear I'm still carrying out my planned activity.

And then otoh I've got no PUDDING! And he told him 2.30 and I was really planning a bit before that. And there's little ant traps down in the kitchen so we look plague ridden.

I'm honestly on the fence myself....

How rank is your loo that it needs ‘scrubbing’?

Apart from that, I’d be furious if my husband invited over some random without asking me.

Raging ? No , as long as there was enough food.

It's really not very christian of you to whinge about giving someone some lunch. Make sure your dh does all the clearing up after and chillax.

I can only assume the bloke was going through something

I'm sorry to say but it would bother me.
But then I'm miserable.

Nice thing to do, people should do a bit more of this sort of thing. Glad it went well.

And can't you work miracles with 5 loaves and 2 fishes???

Honestly, I think its disrespectful of your DH not to check with you that this is ok. Sunday is your chill out day. Bugger that.

You’re right about the irritation threshold, so one out of three.

Can’t you hear the self-deprecating tone? She half means it of course but is pushing herself out of her comfort zone which is why she is trying to make light of it. She sounds brilliant to me.

I think if your DH invites guests he should be cooking or at least check with you first. Who wants to be cooking Sunday lunch on a hot sunny day like today? We had a picnic on the coast path

Some people are flexible. They are able to be spontaneous and go with the flow. They are in relationships where everything doesn’t have to be planned and agreed 6 months in advance, and each person is able to broadly accept the other making decisions without them always checking first.

Others are very inflexible and not spontaneous. Having people in their house is a chore and having things happen without much warning is either upsetting or makes them furious.

Most people are somewhere in-between, and life is generally easier if you’re more towards the first version.

I think OP knows she’s being a bit ridiculous. She knows inviting someone who is having a bad time is the right thing to do. She knows having lunch a bit later than planned is fine and that DH has cleaned the loo. In likelihood she will be glad they had the bloke over, and be glad her DH is the kind of man to do this. It reflects well on him, in my view.

I don’t think being a Christian means you automatically always feel charitable or kind. People misunderstand if they think it does, or say ‘that’s not very Christian’. OP is having a bit of. Struggle….on one hand she feels out out (fine) but also knows it’s a bit daft. There will be those who tell her it’s right to be furious and they would throw their DH out for doing such a selfish and terrible thing….they are probably the ones OP shouldn’t take notice of. Those who remind her that it doesn’t matter if there’s pudding, or the house isn’t spotless, and that her DH has done a kind thing which reflects well on him are worth listening to….and really OP already knows that.

Hopefully they’ve had a nice afternoon. I’d see this kind of thing as a bit like having family members over if they’re having a bad day….whether you really want to or not. Family and community is about being supportive and hospitable. These are values that are on the wane, and unfortunately more people are only interested in exactly what they want and when, with no sense of ever putting themselves out. We’re all worse off because of it.

Perhaps you’re not an introvert.I become terrified when people call round. My house is always in a state - it isn’t. My thinking it is is just an excuse to keep people away. I just can’t handle it. Wish I was like you.

Your guest will just be happy to have lunch. He’s not going to be worrying about your household standards.

😂😂😂

😯
Memo to self....
Don't read MN posts while taking a mouthful of coffee...

Thanks @CabbagePatchDole and @WombatChocolate
You get me

I think in future if he invites someone then he should be the one to do the entertaining and you should be able to relax as you planned. We all need some time to recharge sometimes.

That. I'm astonished that some people are taking OP's posts entirely seriously!

My husband used to do this all the time, quite often invite a whole family over! Our house was always on the verge of chaos so I used to get stressed, and the lack of food. I know I'm an uptight type of a person, and can't just go with the flow, but as I get older I'm getting better and I'm genuinely pleased if the late teen kids invite a friend over spontaneously or a friend calls by (we have one friend who comes and never rings). I've also relaxed about my inability to cook and now we just have a bit of a picnic or my friends bring stuff too! It is possible to change a little.

OP, you went with it, you sound fab!

I’m only taking them ‘seriously’ to the extent that she felt strongly enough about it to post in detail about it on the internet, when supposedly homily hyperventilating about the loo and roast potatoes!