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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That dh invited somebody for lunch without telling me

122 replies

Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 13:55

Single bloke at church, plans fell through so dh said come join us.
Otoh we have enough food and space and it's good to be hospitable.

Otoh I had not CLEANED THE LOO! And we've a daughter doing gcse's whose stuff is all over the dining table and is now being cleared away. And also I've not been 100% myself recently and was planning a big of a chill afternoon.

But then otoh again dh has come home and scrubbed the loo (guest not yet here) and I've been clear I'm still carrying out my planned activity.

And then otoh I've got no PUDDING! And he told him 2.30 and I was really planning a bit before that. And there's little ant traps down in the kitchen so we look plague ridden.

I'm honestly on the fence myself....

OP posts:
WashAsDelicates · 21/05/2023 14:20

Your dh sounds a good guy. Not only did he extend hospitality to someone who might be lonely, but he also cleaned the loo.

You (the two of you) are being welcoming, you're not selling a show home. You're sharing what you've got, not selling restaurant food. And if you want to go off and have a nap or whatever it is you planned to do, dh will socialise with the guest.

Happy Sunday Smile

Firstmonthfree · 21/05/2023 14:21

Get off of mumsnet and go and clean the bog?

WashAsDelicates · 21/05/2023 14:22

Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 14:15

I wouldn't have said no but I would have planned in advance. He used my gravy pan to make his breakfast this morning so it's still in the dishwasher. Will the trials never end!

No that is serious. I can only make gravy in one specific pan, so I really feel for you.

foreverbasil · 21/05/2023 14:25

I don't quite believe this. What's wrong with being friendly and a bit spontaneous

mrswhiplington · 21/05/2023 14:25

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/05/2023 14:00

Balancing on the fence with her four hands stretched out for stability ...

😄

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 21/05/2023 14:25

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 14:07

Am I the only person that would be severely fucked off if their DH invited someone to lunch without asking first!? I'd be raging!

No, I'd be pissed off too.

If you make plans that impact the whole house, it's polite to check first. I would have thought that was basic manners/common sense?

I'd never invite anyone over for lunch without a quick check with DH beforehand.

EmptyBedBlues · 21/05/2023 14:27

Are you normally this much of a drama queen about minor stuff, OP? I might be mildly miffed if DH invited some stranger for lunch at no notice if I wasn’t feeling like company, but it’s his house too, and if he’s doing the extra work involved, I’m not sure it’s worth all the emoting about loo-scrubbing, revision notes on the dining table and PUDDING….?

Original poster
Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 14:30

Oh ffs. The capital letters were indicating a bit of tongue in cheek. But also a bit pissed off. guest is now late! Doesn't he know I'm on the edge.....
I'm doing all the cooking btw, dh is a decent cook but not if a Sunday lunch

OP posts:
ImthatBoleyngirl · 21/05/2023 14:31

I'm with you OP, this would really upset me. I don't like last minute plans or people seeing my house in a mess

UnsolicitedOpinions · 21/05/2023 14:34

WashAsDelicates · 21/05/2023 14:22

No that is serious. I can only make gravy in one specific pan, so I really feel for you.

Show quote history

I’m surprised that a special gravy pan is going in the dishwasher though!

diddl · 21/05/2023 14:37

Northernlurker · 21/05/2023 14:30

Oh ffs. The capital letters were indicating a bit of tongue in cheek. But also a bit pissed off. guest is now late! Doesn't he know I'm on the edge.....
I'm doing all the cooking btw, dh is a decent cook but not if a Sunday lunch

How convenient for him.

There's surely plenty he could do though re prepping veg, basting meat, washing up stuff that you need?

HinnyInAPinny · 21/05/2023 14:38

My husband often wanders in with a mate for food, whether it's a planned meal or not. I always seem to make enough for a spare.
Our adult kids, who are all married, often wander in with a random mate and set about making some food.
I don't care, visitors are always welcome in my home, whether it's for food or not. Take me as you find me.

ReachForTheMars · 21/05/2023 14:39

It was church, he had probably listened to a sermon about kindness so of course he invited him.

MysteryBelle · 21/05/2023 14:47

He should have asked you first before inviting someone last second. At that point he knows you’ve al ready got in your mind what you’re doing and a guest wasn’t planned. Very rude. Especially since you’re the one making the lunch and neatening the house.

He can be invited another time. Presumably he’s not destitute or in crisis or you would have said. That would be completely different. He doesn’t have to have lunch plans every single week. That’s ridiculous.

ittakes2 · 21/05/2023 14:49

My children are doing their gcses and I think I would prefer to let them have the house to themselves without needing to clean up kitchen table for sudden guest.

CabernetSauvignon · 21/05/2023 14:49

I hope you told your husband to pick up a pud on the way home?

BeverlyHa · 21/05/2023 14:51

If you are a christian and real one, this is the least you can do for this man whom your husband invited. Just be hospitable and stop making these world types excuses

BeverlyHa · 21/05/2023 14:52

I lived in one bed flat, my husband worked from home long before covid from the bedroom, me and baby and all our girls stuff in the day in the living room and I still had people for lunch in that very same living room

YouveGotAFastCar · 21/05/2023 14:53

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 14:07

Am I the only person that would be severely fucked off if their DH invited someone to lunch without asking first!? I'd be raging!

"Severely fucked off" seems a massive overreaction to inviting someone over, unless it's someone you don't like or don't feel comfortable around.

maddiemookins16mum · 21/05/2023 14:56

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 14:07

Am I the only person that would be severely fucked off if their DH invited someone to lunch without asking first!? I'd be raging!

Nope, not me, I’d embrace it.

2bazookas · 21/05/2023 14:56

So what?

I've had people turn up unexpectedly and find me in pyjamas (or on one occasion, stark nekkid sunbathing in the back garden); they take pot luck on the food and domestic presentation.

2bazookas · 21/05/2023 15:00

BirbFriend · 21/05/2023 14:07

Am I the only person that would be severely fucked off if their DH invited someone to lunch without asking first!? I'd be raging!

Not in the slightest. This is our home. Mine and his.

SunflowerLovers · 21/05/2023 15:04

Is it really hard to be hospitable to someone from church? This is why I hate accepting invites from couples. There is always one of them sitting there with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

HoneybeesAndBluebells · 21/05/2023 15:09

@SunflowerLovers

Are you aware that some people are introverts and plan their day around not having people over so it's a bit of a shock to have someone turn up unannounced?
Not to mention the having to get ready if you were hoping for a lazy pj day, cleaning and cooking etc.
Or just not being in the mood to present or having an off day.

Not everyone is little miss perfect hostess and yeah I would be annoyed if my dh randomly decided to invite a stranger over that day without consulting me first.

Shhhquirrel · 21/05/2023 15:13

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/05/2023 13:59

On the one hand, on the other hand. The OP is up to four hands now. Grin

Are you an Octopus 🐙 OP?