AIBU to tell 8 year old to entertain themselves at 7am on Sunday morning

[naturallydelicious]

Every weekend morning without fail as soon as she opens her eyes my 8 year old keeps telling me and my husband to get up
Out of bed . This can be as early as 6am . She keeps saying she's bored or she has nothing to do& will keep going on about it until one of us gets up . Bear in mind she has a room full of toys , books , puzzles , arts and crafts , a tv and iPad so loads to do . We never stay in bed past 8.30/9am on weekends and we're both up at 6am Mon to Friday . I usually get up when she insists because I feel guilty lying in bed when she asks me to get up . But ,this morning after her moaning at us to get up I shouted at her to go play in her room and I'd get up soon . I now feel awful ... was I being unreasonable?

Nope. I’ve actually had this conversation with a colleague this week about making it easy for their DS 7 to get his own breakfast in the morning, because he wakes up about 5:30am starving.

I think it’s totally OK to leave them to play for an hour or so at that age. In general, DH and I take it in turns to get up so we each get one good weekend lie in. On a weekend the “on duty” parent might come back to bed for an hour or so or doze on the sofa after getting some toast and putting Moana on the telly or whatever.

But we also have a “don’t wake us up before 7am” policy so we’ve invented this thing called “picture of the day” where if DC wakes before 7am they have to draw us a picture and come and show it to us at 7. You get some really cute pics and they learn to tell the time while you’re asleep.

@naturallydelicious
Absolutely tell her to go and play in her room and not disturb you unless it's an emergency.

She's dictating!

There is no way I would be accepting this! Nothing wrong with telling them to go away and amuse themselves. You have made a rod for your own back by giving in for so long though. Work out a consequence (hopefully natural e.g. "if you wake me up I will be too tired to do x or take you to y" if they wake you up next weekend, share what will happen if they do and follow through (this is the most important bit). Otherwise you are basically teaching them that if they moan and nag they will get their own way.

At 8 months? Yes. At 8 years old? Absolutely not. She can read, play, put the TV on and get herself some basic food and drink if she wants to. You’re not being unreasonable at all.

My DS would get up at 3, get a bowl of cereal (liked it dry) and a glass of milk and would put the telly on, if he was up before 7-DH trained him!

I'm surprised you've lasted till 8 years letting her boss you around

I had to instill in DS much earlier he was not to wake Mummy on a weekend

DS is 9 and we have had a rule in place for a few years that he can't come in before 7. To be fair it is easier for us though as the earliest he wakes up would be 6.30 anyway. He doesn't go downstairs (his choice) he just lazes in bed for half an hour.

My husband doesn't sleep well so I generally get up with DS but again I have it easy (I love my sleep but I go to bed at 10 so I would never lie in until 9!)

Honestly? I think 6-9am is a long time for a solo kid to entertain themselves in the morning. I would be getting up 7.30 or 8 at the latest. But in principle no she should be able to entertain herself for a while. My DS didn't used to like going downstairs by himself in the morning before I was up but he'd come and get my iPad and take it to his room for a while if I wasn't ready to get up.

Not at all. At that age , and even younger she's perfectly able (bar any SEN) to not only entertain herself, but also understand that you need your sleep and that other people's needs matter too.

DD would watch her tablet and play for a while if she was up early. Sometimes she likes to say hello and then go off which was fine.

I have a friend whose daughter is similar. She would go and wake them at 5.30am demanding attention. I know it was still going on at aged 11. She used to try and get her to stay at others houses all the time, by then DD was sleeping really late and wouldn’t have her round.

Definitely time for some changes.
I think I'd go for no going downstairs before 6.30, no waking parents before 7.30. Can get own breakfast before parents are up, and play or watch TV.
6.30 -9 is a very long time, and I think one of you should be up by 8 at the very latest.

You're a little unreasonable to always get up and then one day shout at her, it's not her fault that you've let it build up as something that annoys you and then snapped about it. You should have sat down at some point and explained you need to lie in at the weekends, she needs to entertain herself and the new rule is she can't come into your room until 8am.

But YANBU to ask her to entertain herself for an hour ona weekend morning, perfectly reasonable at her age.

Absolutely no chance that would happen in my house. I'm up at 830 anyway but I would expect them to entertain themselves if they got up any earlier. They are perfectly capable of putting the TV on, getting a drink and grabbing a croissant from the kitchen at that age. OP put your foot down.

@NuffSaidSam we have had numerous chats about it , she still continues to do it . We only spoke about it yesterday afternoon when we were talking about what our plans where going to be for today .

I don't love getting up super early on weekends but what bothers me the most is that she's trying to dictate to us and then sulks and complains when we don't give into her immediately . This is what I want to nip in the bud

I think apologise for shouting but then have a chat with her about making a plan going forward. I would probably dress it up as being a bit of a grown up treat to be more independent - so talk about leaving some cereal out for her so she can make her own bowl etc. Also agree a time with her when she can come and wake you. I'd probably say 8am is reasonable at this age.

I think one of you should get up.

She clearly doesn't feel comfortable being up alone.

At 8 she should definitely be able to sort herself out for an hour or 2.

YABVU to shout. You have taught her, up to now, that you will get up if she persists. Can she tell the time? If not, all she might know is it's been light for ages. Could you try a clock with agreed OK to get parents up time either marked with little/ big stickers for acceptable time , or a digital clock with reminder sticker. Discuss night before three activities she can do on waking, and have them set up? Make it clear if unwell/frightened she can come and quietly snuggle at any time. Calmly return her to her room, consistently, if she breaks the rule, and go back to bed, until the penny drops. Be consistent, and get up when you promise to.

And I should of mentioned she's not up alone she is with her 10 year old
brother who is also up

Similar to others, our three are not allowed up until 7 (they’re 8, 7, and 3) and then all head downstairs to watch tv/iPad. An adult comes down at 7.45/8 though to get them breakfast and solve any problems. I wouldn’t leave them solo longer than that, especially if they were an only.

Ah ok. Just seen your update. With a 10yo too I’d happily leave them until 8.30 unless they were squabbly scrappy siblings.

@FabFitFifties she can tell the time and she is perfectly welcome to lie in our bed for a cuddle but she doesn't want to , she wants us to get up

Of course she shouldn't be dictating what time you get up at 8 years old, you need to be very assertive and maybe have some form of "loss of treats" if she continues to disturb you. At 8 years old there is plenty she could be doing on her own .. and with her DB. Leave out some homework that might stop her from getting up so early.

Not unreasonable at all.

Don't allow her to start thinking she gets to dictate your sleeping at age 8 or you'll regret when she's older and expects to dictate your bedtime by being out late or up late.

Make sure she can access the iPad and tell her she can knock at 8am (or whatever suits).

I always found natural consequences worked for ds. You could ask him not to do something a million times/ or to do something and he's always do it when asked - without fuss - but he'd not maintain it. So for example if he woke me at 6am and I said back to bed/ watch iPad he'd do it no fuss. But the next week he'd be back in at 6 🤦‍♀️🙄

So if he didn't do a chore then fine - I'll do it - but it means I didn't have time to take him to X club etc.

Won't allow me to sleep - fine - can't stop him waking me up - but I was then too tired to take him swimming or to a club in the evening or take him to the park etc.

I was lucky that ds is quite compliant so I only ever had to follow through each once. But I did find he was a child (and is still the same at 18!) where telling him something wasn't enough. He needed to see the consequences of what I was asking if him.