To think my (ex)manager was too harsh?

[cocunut]

Sorry for the long post, don't want to drip feed. Tonight I got sent home from my minimum wage hospitality job. I recently started working evenings and weekends to get some extra money (no kids of my own but I'm an early years teacher for context as to why I'm on here).

I've not worked in hospitality for a few years but started this job a few weeks ago and have really enjoyed it so far. All my colleagues are lovely, studenty types, and I thought the managers were lovely too until tonight.

I basically f**ked up big time with a hygiene breach. My colleague messed up an order for a table and the kitchen were getting food out as quickly as they could. I wasn't sure exactly what each table had ordered as they weren't in my section but long story short I took the wrong food to the wrong table. No biggie, I thought, and the customers hadn't touched the food as it had been down for about 10 seconds, when I realised it was the wrong order. I quickly picked the food back up and ran it to the next table over. Thought nothing of it.

My manager basically pulled me aside and told me what I'd done was unacceptable and I should've taken the food back to the kitchen and got them to remake the dishes (again, as my colleague had messed them up already). Another manager came and said the same thing, at this point I'm feeling quite ganged up on and said "Okay, I'm really sorry. I've apologised to everyone, Bollocking accepted, can I just get back to my tables now."

At this point I'm told to "just clock out". I'm honestly gutted as I'm still on probation and it was a genuine error of judgement with the food. I was just stood there trying not to burst into tears as I clocked out. I said "see you next week" to which I got no response and I'm about 90% certain they won't have me back.

Did I seriously fuck up that badly, or was my manager just being harsh?

Answering back and getting defensive is also how you'd expect a toddler to behave - not a grown adult.

You may be the same age but you're not equals in this scenario - she's your manager, not your peer or your friend or your colleague.

Yes, you made a mistake - but you then went on the defensive and got a bit stroppy - but you can't speak to your manager like that and expect there not to be any consequences. It's basic workplace etiquette.

Sometimes you just have to take the bollocking and shut up - no matter how unfair you think it is.

I predict you are going to have a lot of problems in the workforce in the coming years, if you think feedback and even discipline is for toddlers.

Thing is, your manager is right. She can't just let it slide just because the supervisor has told you it's not correct. They have ultimate responsibility and need to know you have been told this is very wrong.

But you didn't do your job efficiently or effectively.

Your refusal to accept the majority's feedback on this thread that you have an attitude problem is a bit sad but also further evidence that you do indeed have an attitude problem. Try some self-reflection rather than blaming everyone else.

As others have said, hospitality isn't for you.

You shouldn't have to tell it to an adult. If I am told a rule in my workplace or told I've made a serious breach my response isn't to say yeah yeah I know no need to bollock me. It's to listen, to understand and then to ask questions if I don't understand.

Lol ok. I hope every time one of you lot who agree with the manager attempt to go out for a meal, the service is slow and the staff are miserable, seeing as you think it's acceptable for them to be treated like that 😁👍🏻

You're just proving your manager was correct in sending you home.

Only in hospitality is this level of disrespect towards staff considered acceptable. I worked in hospitality in my younger days and the staff were invariably treated like shit by management. Spoken to with absolutely no respect, shouted at, swore at, etc. Over the pettiest infractions - we're serving up sandwiches, not performing brain surgery.

Let's be realistic here - this is not about customer safety or anything like that - it's about overinflated egos and young immature managers who don't seem to know that you don't need to treat staff with disrespect to get your point across. These managers have probably never worked outside hospitality and have no idea how to effectively manage staff. They hire young people on minimum wage, barely train them and treat them like crap, and then wonder why they can't retain staff.

OP has said she's autistic, but the replies here are harsh and ableist. There are ways to get a point across and explain your view without being mean. Everyone's such a tough guy on the internet.

You are getting an unnecessarily hard time from some of the muppets here, OP, but tbf you're not coming across brilliantly yourself either.

I suspect you may well have pissed on your chips at this job, but hospitality jobs are plentiful in most areas, so just go somewhere else and chalk this job up to experience.

@Primulabrandyb Over the pettiest infractions - we're serving up sandwiches, not performing brain surgery.
Someone can become seriously ill or die due to cross contamination or food hygiene not being followed.

I've said multiple times this has nothing to do with allergies, which obviously are taken very seriously by myself and hopefully all hospitality workers!!

Yes, but is that what OP's manager said? I bet it's not. I bet she pulled OP aside and just gave her a rude bollocking and expected her to cower, and didn't explain WHY it's such a big deal. Or perhaps considered that she should do a training session with staff to explain what to do in this scenario and why.

What - to be told by the person who's in charge that they shouldn't call being picked up on something "a bollocking"

Food hygiene should also be taken seriously

At least we will be served by someone who takes food safety seriously.

Yes I'd also add for all the NTs on here that this kind of unnecessary repetition is incredibly hurtful to Asd folks. We heard you the first time, stop going on about it like we're stupid. If it was that important then those responsible for managing her should have made her aware before the situation arose.

And another aspect of autism is not caring about about social hierarchy. Treat everyone as you would like to be treated, don't speak down to someone just because they didn't know something. If you have a problem with the way we express or do something SPIT IT OUT. Tell us exactly what we said, how you hear it, and why you find it rude. Cue: isn't it obvious? NO ITS FUCKING NOT TO SOMEONE WITH ASD.

Op do they know you are autistic?

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale
Yes I have told them in passing but never put it in writing which I am gutted about because it would have at least given me some sort of leg to stand on re discrimination 😫

This is not 'a bollocking'...
My manager basically pulled me aside and told me what I'd done was unacceptable and I should've taken the food back to the kitchen and got them to remake the dishes (again, as my colleague had messed them up already). Another manager came and said the same thing so op has been told something isn't acceptable, that's not a bollocking, it's factual. Am wondering if response to first manager was as stroppy as to 2nd which led 1st to mention it to 2nd?

Let's be realistic here - this is not about customer safety or anything like that - it's about overinflated egos and young immature managers who don't seem to know that you don't need to treat staff with disrespect to get your point across.

I don't see where OP was treated with disrespect.

She made a mistake and got pulled up on it by her supervisor. Then her manager stepped in and repeated the same thing - OP then got defensive/stroppy and the manager told her to clock out and go home. If anyone was disrespectful, it was OP.

OP has said she's autistic, but the replies here are harsh and ableist. There are ways to get a point across and explain your view without being mean. Everyone's such a tough guy on the internet.

I don't see where anyone has been ableist or mean either - a bit harsh maybe, but most of us are speaking from personal experience. For the record, I'm also autistic and I've learnt that as much as I might want to defend myself, it's not always appropriate in the workplace - and sometimes you just need to accept you were wrong, shut up and take it, no matter how unfair it might feel.

So the first manager to tell you about your mistake was a shift supervisor and the second was the actual manager. Maybe your manager feels that as the manager she needs to make sure you understand.

Maybe she herself is ND and is rigid about her accountabilities. Or maybe she is under a lot of stress and her job is at risk due to staff mistakes. Sometimes it seems like people have a lot of excuses for their own mistakes, but no tolerance for anyone else's.

OP, were you paraphrasing or is that exactly what your managers said? How did they said it (tone, facial expressions, volume etc)? Did they keep repeating themselves or did they say it once and then hear you out? After you apologised, did they accept it or did they carry on scolding you?

Ableist in repeatedly saying how OP isn't cut out for the job, has an attitude, shouldn't work with children and so on. It would be more helpful to kindly explain to her what she could have said instead and how to say it to come across well, but people would rather stick the boot in.

That's genuinely what was said. And the scolding continued after my apology hence why I'm so pissed off. They just didn't seem to hear me when I'd accepted it and asked to move on which is probably why I became snippy.

I'm also autistic and I find repetition incredibly comforting - so IMO it's not accurate to say "unnecessary repetition is hurtful to ASD folks". People with autism are all individuals and have different stressors and comforters.

Managers don't repeat things because they think you're stupid - they do it to make sure you understand and to cover themselves in case it happens again. A good manager would also have a written record of the conversation and get both parties to sign it, so that it can be referred back to in the future if needed.

You may not care about social hierarchy but sometimes you just have to fake it. Lots of NT people do it in the workplace - it's simply not appropriate to speak to a manager like a peer, no matter how you feel about it inside.

It isn't abelst to say if you're so stressed out after doing your job (whatever it is) perhaps it isn't the job for you