To think my (ex)manager was too harsh?

[cocunut]

Sorry for the long post, don't want to drip feed. Tonight I got sent home from my minimum wage hospitality job. I recently started working evenings and weekends to get some extra money (no kids of my own but I'm an early years teacher for context as to why I'm on here).

I've not worked in hospitality for a few years but started this job a few weeks ago and have really enjoyed it so far. All my colleagues are lovely, studenty types, and I thought the managers were lovely too until tonight.

I basically f**ked up big time with a hygiene breach. My colleague messed up an order for a table and the kitchen were getting food out as quickly as they could. I wasn't sure exactly what each table had ordered as they weren't in my section but long story short I took the wrong food to the wrong table. No biggie, I thought, and the customers hadn't touched the food as it had been down for about 10 seconds, when I realised it was the wrong order. I quickly picked the food back up and ran it to the next table over. Thought nothing of it.

My manager basically pulled me aside and told me what I'd done was unacceptable and I should've taken the food back to the kitchen and got them to remake the dishes (again, as my colleague had messed them up already). Another manager came and said the same thing, at this point I'm feeling quite ganged up on and said "Okay, I'm really sorry. I've apologised to everyone, Bollocking accepted, can I just get back to my tables now."

At this point I'm told to "just clock out". I'm honestly gutted as I'm still on probation and it was a genuine error of judgement with the food. I was just stood there trying not to burst into tears as I clocked out. I said "see you next week" to which I got no response and I'm about 90% certain they won't have me back.

Did I seriously fuck up that badly, or was my manager just being harsh?

Ok but did you have any training on what to do if the food goes to the wrong table specifically?

Nope! I just did what I thought was right. To me it makes sense. Food goes to wrong table, customers haven't touched it, ok no drama just put the food on the right table. I don't know maybe I am wrong in thinking that but no I wasn't specifically told the protocol.

So they expect you to magically know something without them telling you. Tell me again how people with ASD have a communication disability?

There's not an awful lot more to it. I've tried to be transparent with the post.
Here's how the dialogue went:
"I've got some new potatoes here?"
large party of about 6 are chatting and ignore me entirely as I'm putting the food down
"Okay, I'll just pop these in the middle cos I'm not sure whose they are."
party agree and start to discuss who ordered potatoes
I go and check the ticket and then realise the potatoes aren't theirs; they're for another table whose order my colleague got wrong beforehand. So this table have already had to have their food remade. I thought the best course of action was simply to move the potatoes to their rightful owners so they could have their meal quickly.
"Have any of you guys started on the potatoes? It's okay if you have but if you haven't is it alright if I move them to the table that ordered them?"
party laugh and say yes of course no worries
I move the potatoes, then that's when the bollocking off the managers commences. But that's the entire prelude to that if it helps for transparency.

The fact you’ve had to asks suggests that you have no idea if anyone has touched, poked or sneezed on the potatoes!

I absolutely would not want food that had been on someone else’s table.

You still don’t seem to grasp that it’s absolutely not a done thing.

I know. It's kind of gutting because I don't consider myself as having a disability as it's never held me back before, except obviously in situations like this one. It's one of the reasons I chose to work in education; everything is mapped out, planned, structured etc and I also love working with children. I had mentioned I had ASD but only after I started working for them. I've never felt the need to before as I said it's never caused me an issue 😭

I also think it’s not the error that’s the issue here, it’s your response. If you’d simply said, ah ok, I wasn’t aware of protocol. I will know if it ever happens again, which hopefully it won’t, I suspect you’d have continued about your duties,

your response was akin to telling them to bugger off and stop bothering you. And the use of the word bollicking says that’s what you interpreted it as and failed to see the issue with what happened.

for me that’s what they sent you home for. Not the fact you made a mistake.

Now I have read your update I am on your manager's side. Does autism mean you don't understand that someone could have touched the food even though they said not.

@FawnFrenchieMum The food had been down for about ten seconds and I had my eye on it anyway as I went to check the ticket (kitchen is in full view of all tables). I'm 100% certain no one had touched them. Maybe I am just not up to speed on hygiene; I am quite lax generally with that kind of stuff and personally I would've eaten the food anyway and laughed it off. But some people are funny about that kind of stuff so I probably should have checked.

You made a decision in the moment, you hadn't been told what the rule is for this situation, unfortunately you got it wrong.

Your response does sound a bit rude, and was the second manager your bosses boss? If so they perhaps felt you were questioning their authority and your boss felt they needed to look firm.

It is a bit harsh, but chalk it up to experience. No matter how friendly you are with your manager, at the end of the day there is a hierarchy and you have to show respect for that hierarchy especially when you make a mistake.

I know they hadn't touched the food as I was watching them and it hadn't even been down for an entire minute before I moved it. What's the difference between myself/kitchen staff touching plates of food vs other customers?

I did say all of that to the first manager! I was genuinely apologetic and felt bad. I think once the second one came along I was a bit fed up of being lectured at for ten minutes and I had to get back to my own tables as I was genuinely busy.

Personally I'd ring and apologise, the food mistake is not huge as you didn't know the protocol, your reply to the managers was a bit curt, you also didn't need telling twice.
All round a bit of a mess.
If you want to keep the job ring and say something along the lines of.
" I just wanted to apologise if I was curt last night, the orders got messed up and I was a little confused and didn't realise the protocol, I didn't mean to be curt or rude"

So 10 seconds is a massive exaggeration. Did you speak to them when you have them the food? And you realised yourself the mistake? If you had been in front of the food at all time fair enough. But you left and watched it. And also I assume anyone working there has food safety training. Or food handling.

I swear it genuinely isn't. The kitchen pass with the tickets was literally five steps from said table. I turned my back to peer at the ticket when I realised my mistake. I was stood within about 2 metres of the potatoes at all times. Maybe 30 seconds is more accurate.

Yes that's not a bad idea, I just feel as though im probably in bad taste with them now. Im not actually due in until late next week now anyway so im not going to say anything unless I get a text or confirmation etc from the GM. I just don't really know what they actually expect me to do about it now. I can grovel all I want but it's not gonna take back the mistake I made and probably won't do me that many favours...

There is absolutely no way you left their table and went to the kitchen not taking your eye off the potatoes, it's simply not physically possible. You have no idea if anyone touched, sneezed coughed or reached over the potatoes to another person. I'm on your managers side.

I think at the moment with these responses you have all made good points. I just don't know:

• a) what can I actually DO about any of it now? The mistake was made and I listened to the lecture off both managers (when I knew what I did was wrong), apologised, and that still wasn't good enough for them.
• b) I struggle to apologise now for something that I don't feel was particularly out of order. They DID give me a bollocking. I SAID "bollocking accepted". I literally just told the truth.
• c) how were they expecting me to react? Was I supposed to apologise more than once? What reaction would have been appropriate in that situation?

I'd check minimum wage for your age as it depends how early 20s
UK does NOT allow wage top up via tipping. We aren't America

It's not that we don't understand that, but we take people at face value. So if they say they haven't touched it, we believe them.

Did the rightful owners of the potatoes notice or mind that they’d been sat on another groups table for a minute?

To be honest, I wouldn’t fancy a bowl of luke warm potatoes that another group may have spoken/leant over. Surely rustling up a fresh bowl wouldn’t have taken long?

Saying the word bollocking to your managers was probably the trigger for them to send you home. It would’ve sounded to me like you were only apologising under duress, and you actually didn’t think you were wrong or give a shit. It makes you sound like a liability as an employee, what else are you going to get wrong and casually throw out “yea soz bout that, bollocking accepted”.

Not saying that’s the way you meant it, but it is the underlying message that the manager would’ve heard.

you’ve been sent home because of your response, not the underlying issue and what happened to you sums up roles in service industry v everywhere else perfectly.

You made a mistake, you apologised and then another person joined in the reprimand. In any professional scenario your response “bollocking accepted let’s move on” whilst not ideal would be accepted.

But you’re working in an industry where you’re considered disposable and managers are on power trips.

chalk it up to experience.

I honestly dont know. I wasnt told the full story but the potato people didn't say anything to me when I put them down. I think the potato people were a bit pissed off at my colleague getting their order wrong so maybe I was the final straw for them.

“I’m sorry, I understand the mistake I made and it won’t happen again”.

Professional and without emotion.

The mistake is absolutely not the issue here I suspect, I think that they found your minimising, rationalising and dismissive behaviour what they would have had trouble with dealing with in the future.

When someone makes a mistake and they acknowledge it and they proactively seek out how they need to handle it next time, there is a sense that they can adapt and make necessary changes but when someone adopts behaviours that stand in the way of that it does not reassure people training them that they can adapt.

I find my logic and matter of factness is useful most of the time but in situations like this it has really held me back. I genuinely think it is this not working for you in this particular situation. My husband overuses logic in situations where emotion matters too.