Found secret instagram account

[wellwellwelll]

I've found that my DH had a secret Instagram account, purely for the purpose of looking at young women. He's not messaging them but he's active on the account. He only has one follower. AIBU to follow the account, so he knows I know, should I just ignore it or should I say something?

It's not a necessity but they're still gonna watch it whether their wife likes it or not.

@silverspoonsz Maybe if you accept the lie that ‘all men use porn’ and have a loser for a boyfriend, yes a lot will try and get away with it.

But you honestly believe that zero men out there have more respect for their wives/partners than to lie and disrespect them by wanking to other women? I’m a rad fem and even I have more respect for men than this.

They do exist, stop wasting your time with scrotes that tell you they don’t, don’t settle for accepting this.

Oh please, there are couples who watch porn together, there are couples who are fine with their partner watching porn. There are sex positive couples who don't view porn as an evil.

@silverspoonsz The wife may as well let them know that she thinks they’re a creepy perv and she’s lost respect for them. And perhaps doesn’t want to sleep with said creepy perv.

Then they can decide whether it’s worth it.

You've never heard of vintage erotica have you?

If anything, modern life has opened up erotica and porn to both sexes.

What's the difference between a man watching porn and a woman reading an erotica novel?

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld Doing something as a couple though is completely different to having a secret account. The secrecy implies that the husband knows it would be an issue for his wife.

Yeah the wife can crack on and do what she wants. So will the husband.

Also the idea married women don't look at men for their bodies is laughable...
Just go see who's at a male strip show and tell me that again

@silverspoonsz I hope you don’t take your own advice in your RL
relationships!

Personally I'd follow and then just stay quiet until he realises.

I do. Me and my partner have a very happy and healthy relationship. Neither of us dictate to eachother what we can and can't watch online in our own spare time, nor do we care.

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld Yep, all married women drool at naked male bodies…not. And go to strip shows…not.

I don't understand why looking at pictures that the women themselves have put on the internet is creepy. They're not putting these pictures up on their accounts in the hope they'll get some riveting conversations about gardening and classical music. They want lots of men following them and the attendant attention.

If OPs DH was perving on women at the swimming pool or at the beach, or sending unsolicited PMs to these women then yes that's most definitely creepy. But looking at a picture the woman has put on Instagram specifically for men to look at? No.

@silverspoonsz if no one cares then it’s by mutual consent. But the OP is referring to a secret account that she clearly has a problem with-that’s different. Everyone has boundaries, @silverspoonsz , yours aren’t “better” than the OP’s.

You've never seen the queues for Magic Mike at the Hippodrome have you.

It’s the shady nature of a secret account. I’d lose respect for him because of this.

Have they put it up to be wank fodder? If so perhaps there should be a special emoji. Like a "you have my permission to wank over this" emoji

I'm not referring to the OP. I responded to the posters who were separately discussing porn use.

@Astralitzia As I just said, everyone has different boundaries. If this secret account crosses the OP’s boundaries, it’s a problem for them. 🤷

It's very simple. It doesn't matter that other men do this. This is your husband and you're unhappy about it. You need to talk to him and tell him this.

Not all, but many of them.
The audience for a male strip show isn't just young, single women...

Same as those who buy "firemen" calanders

I don’t see the issue. Nothing wrong with a bit of window shopping.

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld If you honestly believe that vintage images of scantily clad women were as ubiquitous, or bore any similarity to today’s pornography, you sound incredibly naive. There’s a reason why huge numbers of teenage girls report being strangled during sex, why erectile dysfunction is now being reported amongst teen boys, why the average age that children come across hardcore pornography is getting younger and younger.

If you enjoy using porn with your partner, whatever, enjoy contributing to the problem I guess. But to make out that porn use is healthy or normal, rather than something that we have been flooded with to the point that both sexes believe that it’s acceptable if not encouraged, is insane.

You will have to explain what he’s done wrong before anyone with any intelligence can comment.

My dissertation was in erotica. Those images you dismiss as mere scantily clad ladies were scandalous images. They were traded in secret and did extend as far as full nudity.

Porn is not evil. Sex workers aren't bad people. The fact people treat porn as evil is the problem. Instead of being more accepting and then opening up discussion about why is this depiction harmful, how can you practice BDSM safely, why it's ok to like this but how to make sure you don't get hurt it's treated as a dirty little secret. Meaning those questions aren't allowed to be asked and people have to "figure it out" themselves or are left feeling ashamed of their desires.

Children finding porn is due more to the unrestricted access they are given to the Internet, rather than being taught safe Internet habits.