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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found secret instagram account

91 replies

wellwellwelll · 20/05/2023 20:36

I've found that my DH had a secret Instagram account, purely for the purpose of looking at young women. He's not messaging them but he's active on the account. He only has one follower. AIBU to follow the account, so he knows I know, should I just ignore it or should I say something?

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 20/05/2023 21:50

Surprised so many people saying this is fine. The fact he has another secret account suggests that he knows he's doing something that isn't really ok.

pandarific · 20/05/2023 21:52

Idk I follow an exceptionally hot underwear model on my insta for eye candy purposes and I’m married. I don’t know why it matters, really?

Fizzadora · 20/05/2023 21:56

Triselly · 20/05/2023 21:32

I can’t believe all these women saying it’s fine, all men do it. They don’t, it’s not fine, it’s incredibly disrespectful to you.

They do you know and if they say they don't they are lying.

Littlelovebug · 20/05/2023 22:14

Yes definitely follow it. Make him know you know.

itsmylife7 · 20/05/2023 22:19

You could set your own account up and follow lots of hunky men OP but don't keep it a secret.

Leave it open on your phone screen so he can see..... he can't really say anything to you about following all the hunky guys, can he ?

Ladykryptonite · 20/05/2023 22:42

How does one find a secret Instagram account

Londonlady1423 · 20/05/2023 22:45

MrsSamR · 20/05/2023 20:44

Eww. Ignore PPs - the fact he set up a designated account to perv on women half his age is not OK. I would have it out with him personally. Hopefully he'll have the good grace to be mortified. How did you find out incidentally?

I agree, this is not typical male behaviour and is something that would make me as his wife uncomfortable with. To take the time to create a whole new account to follow younger women is concerning

Emmamoo89 · 20/05/2023 22:49

It's not fine and not all men do it.

Hairday · 20/05/2023 22:58

It's not fine, of course. Nobody would be thrilled to find such a thing. But what to do about it? I think probably OP's idea about doing nothing is best. As Internet-based secrets go, it's towards the more harmless end of the spectrum.

CarpetSlipper · 20/05/2023 23:11

It’s gross and he’s a creepy old bastard.

Stomacharmeleon · 20/05/2023 23:21

If it's not an issue then why not do it on his normal account? It's the secrets that would bother me. It implies he knows he is doing something wrong. Why not be open?

MsCactus · 20/05/2023 23:32

This really isn't normal for men

MsCactus · 20/05/2023 23:37

Fizzadora · 20/05/2023 21:56

They do you know and if they say they don't they are lying.

Show quote history

They really don't. I have several brothers and close male friends... none of them do this. (Unlike a partner, these men have no reason to lie to me about it). It's creepy.

All the men I know watch porn though - that's normal

Starhead69 · 20/05/2023 23:40

I’d create a secret account of my own and follow him and see what he does.

silverspoonsz · 20/05/2023 23:41

MsCactus · 20/05/2023 23:37

They really don't. I have several brothers and close male friends... none of them do this. (Unlike a partner, these men have no reason to lie to me about it). It's creepy.

All the men I know watch porn though - that's normal

Show quote history

Eh? You ask every male in your life if they have secret instagram accounts to follow attractive women?

Dotcheck · 20/05/2023 23:42

silverspoonsz · 20/05/2023 20:39

I'd ignore it. Plenty of men have these accounts. He's likely to just make another secret account and just keep it more hidden from you. Don't go there.

Jesus

Really?

mydoghasanattitude · 20/05/2023 23:44

I'd find this gross and disappointing, but less offensive than porn. As for why he keeps it secret, that seems obvious. For the same reason that you don't generally discuss sexual fantasies about other people with your partner. It's embarrassing, it's private, and they don't usually want to hear about it. It's one of those things that I wouldn't like, but I'd be more hurt that he didn't do a better job of keeping it out of our shared space. I shouldn't have to know about it, essentially.

QueefQueen80s · 21/05/2023 00:38

Also surprised at the low standards on here. This is gross.

rainbowlou · 21/05/2023 01:36

MsCactus · 20/05/2023 23:37

They really don't. I have several brothers and close male friends... none of them do this. (Unlike a partner, these men have no reason to lie to me about it). It's creepy.

All the men I know watch porn though - that's normal

Show quote history

Why or how on earth would you know what your brothers watch online in the privacy of their own homes? How weird you think you know, want to know or that you’re even entitled to that information!

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/05/2023 02:15

MsCactus · 20/05/2023 23:37

They really don't. I have several brothers and close male friends... none of them do this. (Unlike a partner, these men have no reason to lie to me about it). It's creepy.

All the men I know watch porn though - that's normal

Show quote history

So it's creepy just to look but normal to watch them have sex?

Seems a weird take

Downunderduchess · 21/05/2023 03:01

I have an Insta account, I have over 1000 followers. I know less than maybe 40 of them (family & friends). The rest are men who just decided to follow my account. I don’t post much on there nowadays. But in the past I have had many, many DM’s from random men asking & saying the oddest things, most filthy. The men following me range from young guys who have a thing for older women to very average men who in some cases you can see their family photos on their own account. It is more common than you might expect. The most recent messages you can see attached.

Found secret instagram account
Found secret instagram account
Triselly · 21/05/2023 10:06

@Fizzadora I feel very sorry for you that your bar for men is so low. Of course not all men use porn.

How do you think men got by before the year 2000, before porn was so easily accessible and men and women were conned into thinking that it was a totally normal thing that everyone uses?

It’s not, plenty of men and women never go near it, don’t put up with men who claim ‘everyone does it’.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/05/2023 10:08

Triselly · 21/05/2023 10:06

@Fizzadora I feel very sorry for you that your bar for men is so low. Of course not all men use porn.

How do you think men got by before the year 2000, before porn was so easily accessible and men and women were conned into thinking that it was a totally normal thing that everyone uses?

It’s not, plenty of men and women never go near it, don’t put up with men who claim ‘everyone does it’.

Lads mags....
Videos from the back room of the shop...

Porn was accessible pre 2000

Triselly · 21/05/2023 10:10

@AnObserverInThisDarkWorld And for the thousands of years prior to the 1950s? God women need to raise their standards. Porn is not a necessity for men.

Ladykryptonite · 21/05/2023 10:13

No-one in our house has Instagram, unless they're hiding it, but not sure where one hides such things