Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

11 month old in restaurant

576 replies

Anoushkaka · 20/05/2023 14:00

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 21/05/2023 17:23

I believe in effective, responsible, considerate parenting. I don't hate children. What utter fucking nonsense.
👏👏
I don't hate kids; I hate entitled, selfish parents!
👏👏

BodegaSushi · 21/05/2023 17:33

Um yeah, I'm a nanny, kids feeding themselves is a thing Confused

Really good for motor skill development. And you know, independence

Violinist64 · 21/05/2023 17:42

@@BodegaSushi just because we spoon fed our young babies doesn’t mean that they did not develop motor coordination or independence. Once they could sit in a high chair they would be given pieces of apple, breadsticks, banana chunks and so on so that they could try and feed themselves. When it came to the messier food they were given their own spoons and we would guide them in their usage. As I said upthread, my daughter was using a spoon and fork to feed herself by the time she was fifteen months so I don’t think her development was too badly affected. It wasn’t a case of either/or but a bit of both with the emphasis on true independent feeding with cutlery.

letthemalldoone · 21/05/2023 17:44

BodegaSushi · 21/05/2023 17:33

Um yeah, I'm a nanny, kids feeding themselves is a thing Confused

Really good for motor skill development. And you know, independence

My word, I have no idea how my kids got through to adulthood...!!🙄

Violinist64 · 21/05/2023 17:44

@GingerCoi and @LolaSmiles, well said both of you.

BodegaSushi · 21/05/2023 17:45

Violinist64 · 21/05/2023 17:42

@@BodegaSushi just because we spoon fed our young babies doesn’t mean that they did not develop motor coordination or independence. Once they could sit in a high chair they would be given pieces of apple, breadsticks, banana chunks and so on so that they could try and feed themselves. When it came to the messier food they were given their own spoons and we would guide them in their usage. As I said upthread, my daughter was using a spoon and fork to feed herself by the time she was fifteen months so I don’t think her development was too badly affected. It wasn’t a case of either/or but a bit of both with the emphasis on true independent feeding with cutlery.

Pointing out that kids feeding themselves in the manner above is good for motor skills doesn't mean spoon feeding is bad. Clearly, as I'm a spoon fed child myself.

My comment was addressing the fact that the OP was so shocked about it and equating it to lazy parenting.

Tinybrother · 21/05/2023 17:47

What’s with all the “omg at last someone talking common sense!”
this stuff is completely bog standard. It’s not unusual. If you think it’s unusual on mumsnet then you haven’t been around long, and if you think it’s unusual in RL then you move in a unique circle

Tigofigo · 21/05/2023 17:48

I'm all for BLW but there is a limit.

I remember a woman letting her toddler feed himself in a small cafe and he threw most of the fish pie on the floor in small lumps and all over the high chair tray. The mum made ZERO effort to prevent it or clean any of it up and just picked him up and left when he'd had enough. So rude.

letthemalldoone · 21/05/2023 17:48

BodegaSushi · 21/05/2023 17:45

Pointing out that kids feeding themselves in the manner above is good for motor skills doesn't mean spoon feeding is bad. Clearly, as I'm a spoon fed child myself.

My comment was addressing the fact that the OP was so shocked about it and equating it to lazy parenting.

Show quote history

I don't think it was the child feeding per se - it was (a) the mess they were leaving for staff to clean up, (b) the complete insouciance they displayed towards other diners, and, (c) the inappropriateness of the food itself, when they could have opted for something much easier for the child to manage!!

Nothingisblackandwhite · 21/05/2023 17:49

letthemalldoone · 21/05/2023 17:10

That's just nonsense. How are they developmentally delayed?

Show quote history

It’s not nonsense , baby lead are less fussy eaters that start having a more appropriate varied diet sooner . There is lots of research on it . Times have changed , I know it wasn’t the norm 20 years ago when I had my first but both my youngest where baby led and ho estou they where so much better with eating anything my 1 year old . I would never go back to old spoon feeding puréed food .

letthemalldoone · 21/05/2023 17:50

Tinybrother · 21/05/2023 17:47

What’s with all the “omg at last someone talking common sense!”
this stuff is completely bog standard. It’s not unusual. If you think it’s unusual on mumsnet then you haven’t been around long, and if you think it’s unusual in RL then you move in a unique circle

I wasn't commenting on its usualness or unusualness. There's been so much utter shite posted on this thread!

Violinist64 · 21/05/2023 17:54

@BodegaSushi l don’t think that the op meant that baby led weaning was lazy parenting but the fact that the food chosen for said baby was so inappropriate for picking up by hand and made such an incredible mess. After this, the op had her eardrums assaulted by a screaming of the baby who was then left to run amok in the restaurant. This was the lazy, selfish parenting to which she was referring. Other people, including the op, who had paid good money to enjoy a meal out had the experience spoiled because of this. Unfortunately, this type of parenting seems all too common nowadays. I reiterate: a restaurant is a public place and not a crèche.

Happygirl79 · 21/05/2023 17:56

wintersprung · 20/05/2023 14:12

You're not wrong IMO. If you take a messy child out in public it's your responsibility to clean up after it. It shouldn't have to fall on restaurant staff and it shouldn't affect other patrons. Your desire to take a baby to a restaurant doesn't trump common decency or the rights of others to enjoy their meal in peace.

Unfortunately some people just aren't kind parents. It can be pretty easy to have a child, but it's far less easy to actually parent it.

I totally agree with this.

LolaSmiles · 21/05/2023 17:57

Tinybrother
I think it was more with reference to some of the bizarre defences of what is (to most parents with common sense and consideration) totally unreasonable behaviour from the parents.

If I remember correctly on this thread people have been accused of hating children because they don't think it's ok for parents to allow their children to throw food around the place and rip plants and soil up. Others seem to be working very hard to argue that it's baby led weaning to order a weaning 11 month old a load of gravy to tip everywhere, or presenting baby led weaning as an inevitable shit show where food goes all over public places and everyone should embrace it.

Meanwhile there's loads of us who have done BLW, purees, or a mix who've managed to take our own children out, order appropriate food for our children's abilities and context, and not have them trash the place.

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/05/2023 18:11

fitzwilliamdarcy · 21/05/2023 16:06

You’ll have to stop being so sensible @LolaSmiles, you’re going to confuse the heck out of the parents on this thread.

Yeah - coming on here with courtesy, common sense and practical suggestions . . .

We don't want her kind round here . . . 😠

Tinybrother · 21/05/2023 18:13

LolaSmiles · 21/05/2023 17:57

Tinybrother
I think it was more with reference to some of the bizarre defences of what is (to most parents with common sense and consideration) totally unreasonable behaviour from the parents.

If I remember correctly on this thread people have been accused of hating children because they don't think it's ok for parents to allow their children to throw food around the place and rip plants and soil up. Others seem to be working very hard to argue that it's baby led weaning to order a weaning 11 month old a load of gravy to tip everywhere, or presenting baby led weaning as an inevitable shit show where food goes all over public places and everyone should embrace it.

Meanwhile there's loads of us who have done BLW, purees, or a mix who've managed to take our own children out, order appropriate food for our children's abilities and context, and not have them trash the place.

Yeah but the vast majority on here agree with you and have done or are doing the same as you did. Then you get a “this is going to confuse the heck out of the parents on here” (what, all of them?) and hailing the common sense that most parents are demonstrating as something unusual. It’s odd

SamW98 · 21/05/2023 18:15

GingerCoi · 21/05/2023 16:52

@Nothingisblackandwhite I have two children. I both love them and like them very much. I enjoy spending time with them. I'm also a teacher, a career I chose because, you know, I like children.

It's such typical, lazy, entitled parenting to peddle out the "you must hate kids" line when those of us who choose to parent effectively and with consideration to others then object to a meal out being spoiled by parents, who choose to parent selfishly and completely ineffectually, who allow their children to chuck food around and generally run riot.

Let me spell it out: restaurants are a public place where it is not socially acceptable to throw food or chuck soil. No doubt you also find it acceptable for your children to run around disturbing others. This isn't ok either. Your home is where this behaviour is ok. Not public places.

This entitled nonsense is what has led to a generation where too many children find it appropriate to behave however they see fit, regardless of the impact on others, to answer adults back and have little to no respect for anybody, because they've been brought up by adults who believe that we can't expect anything more from children (how sad, because children are capable of so much) and that anybody who has high expectations for their children or who expects parents to remove their children from a social setting if they aren't able to behave appropriately, so that others are not overly disturbed must hate children.

I believe in effective, responsible, considerate parenting. I don't hate children. What utter fucking nonsense.

Abso fucking lutely 👏👏👏👏

SamW98 · 21/05/2023 18:16

GingerCoi · 21/05/2023 16:52

@Nothingisblackandwhite I have two children. I both love them and like them very much. I enjoy spending time with them. I'm also a teacher, a career I chose because, you know, I like children.

It's such typical, lazy, entitled parenting to peddle out the "you must hate kids" line when those of us who choose to parent effectively and with consideration to others then object to a meal out being spoiled by parents, who choose to parent selfishly and completely ineffectually, who allow their children to chuck food around and generally run riot.

Let me spell it out: restaurants are a public place where it is not socially acceptable to throw food or chuck soil. No doubt you also find it acceptable for your children to run around disturbing others. This isn't ok either. Your home is where this behaviour is ok. Not public places.

This entitled nonsense is what has led to a generation where too many children find it appropriate to behave however they see fit, regardless of the impact on others, to answer adults back and have little to no respect for anybody, because they've been brought up by adults who believe that we can't expect anything more from children (how sad, because children are capable of so much) and that anybody who has high expectations for their children or who expects parents to remove their children from a social setting if they aren't able to behave appropriately, so that others are not overly disturbed must hate children.

I believe in effective, responsible, considerate parenting. I don't hate children. What utter fucking nonsense.

Abso fucking lutely 👏👏👏👏

StampOnTheGround · 21/05/2023 18:19

I don't think you can control a baby screaming though can you? It's just tough luck, if a restaurant has high chairs, they welcome babies and these babies don't always play by our rules. Also baby led weaning is very popular, although I agree that the parents should clean up the floor and not leave it to restaurant staff.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 21/05/2023 18:21

@Tinybrother That was my comment and intended as tongue in cheek but there have been a number of posts on here defending throwing food and soil etc. (not least the baby-hating comment). I should’ve said “some parents”. That said my experience on MN and irl is that inconsiderate parents are more common that in your experience, so that’s contributing to my being facetious.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/05/2023 18:22

Tigofigo · 21/05/2023 17:48

I'm all for BLW but there is a limit.

I remember a woman letting her toddler feed himself in a small cafe and he threw most of the fish pie on the floor in small lumps and all over the high chair tray. The mum made ZERO effort to prevent it or clean any of it up and just picked him up and left when he'd had enough. So rude.

Don’t see how anyone could think that’s ok

SouthLondonMum22 · 21/05/2023 18:23

Nothingisblackandwhite · 21/05/2023 17:49

It’s not nonsense , baby lead are less fussy eaters that start having a more appropriate varied diet sooner . There is lots of research on it . Times have changed , I know it wasn’t the norm 20 years ago when I had my first but both my youngest where baby led and ho estou they where so much better with eating anything my 1 year old . I would never go back to old spoon feeding puréed food .

Show quote history

Is there lots of research? All I can find is anecdotal evidence.

The NHS also has no mention of traditional weaning causing developmental delays or fussy eating. In fact, they outright say that there is no right or wrong way when it comes to weaning.

Your baby's first solid foods - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

nhs.uk

Your baby's first solid foods

Get advice on starting solids (weaning), including when to start, what foods to give your baby, and which milks to offer as they grow.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/weaning-and-feeding/babys-first-solid-foods/

fitzwilliamdarcy · 21/05/2023 18:23

@StampOnTheGround No, but you can take them outside until they stop. The restaurant having highchairs doesn’t mean it’s exclusively for those with babies and it’s tough luck for everyone else’s experience.

StampOnTheGround · 21/05/2023 18:28

fitzwilliamdarcy · 21/05/2023 18:23

@StampOnTheGround No, but you can take them outside until they stop. The restaurant having highchairs doesn’t mean it’s exclusively for those with babies and it’s tough luck for everyone else’s experience.

Imagine a winters day, feeling like you had to take your baby outside because they were being a baby. What a dumb comment.

shammalammadingdong · 21/05/2023 18:29

Do babies explode if they go outside in the mild Uk winters then?