To cut DD's beautiful hair short?

[Eurydice84]

DD (4yo) has beautiful blonde hair, down to her bottom. It has lovely curls but she absolutely hates having it brushed, so the result is often a tangled mop of knots. We also go swimming two or three times a week in the pool, and despite using a swimming cap and hair masks the chlorine is not very kind to her hair. We decided to cut it in a French bob (think Amelie from the movie) and donate to the Little Princess Trust, but I am getting a lot of "oh poor her" comments. People saying it might be easier to have long hair for reception next year, as it can be tied in a ponytail? I am planning to use Alice bands and barrettes but not sure whether they are allowed at primary school?

I have long hair so yes, if I cut my hair into a Bob then it would be really extreme. It’s a huge change. Obviously different if you’ve always had mid length hair and then cut it into a Bob.

Sounds similar to my DSD at that age. To be honest, a lot of the tats when brushing was due to not using the correct hair products for her hair so we brought her specifically for curly hair ones.

I use cantu leave in conditioner mixed in a spray bottle with water. This is spritzed into her hair every day before brushing and styling even if it's being kept down. On swimming or club days, I just spray a little bit extra on after she's out the pool for example so if it starts drying before we get home to do a proper hair wash, it isn't dry as such. For the showering/washing of it, I just just the cantu again - tried the kids specifically one but found the adult one was just as good and more value for money. With conditioner I brush through once applied, scrunch up and then very loosely rinse. Use a microfibre towel for hair wrapping, touch drying and change her pillow case to a silk pillowcase.

On nights her hairs either in a very loose bun at the top of her head or plaited quickly. She's now 9 and does this all herself and still use the cantu products - the grape seed gel is fantastic for school as it stops flyaways when in a pony and if plaited or curly, I just spritz the water with conditioner then run a little through to stop any friction. Never had an issue since with her crying at brushing except when she's not put any leave in conditioner in for a few days and her hairs dried out despite not feeling as such.

Definitely do it. When she was 5 my DD had her hair cut from well below shoulder length to above her ears and she's never looked back. It makes mornings so much easier. I did have a slight concern she might hate it and then be sad it'd take so long to grow, but she loved it. And a bob is a recognisable 'girl' cut so there's no 'she looks like a boy' bit to negotiate (we negotiate this bit but DD doesn't care so it doesn't matter).

Do you have curly hair yourself? How curly is her hair - is it waves or coils?

Ive always had curly hair that was long and badly handled when I was a kid (not deliberately but it wasn't really thought about/a thing to deal differently with curly hair then, standard family shampoo etc, daily brushing) I was always miserable with it being brushed/styled and hated it as a teen because I always looked frizzy and scruffy, because it was dry and badly handled. Curly products and methods totally changed how I feel about it.
I have used them with both DS and DD (shes currently got waist length curls she wants to keep for now and DS has had all sorts of lengths from his waist length corona hair to chopping it for a 'meet me at mcdonalds' look. I decided I had to teach them to look after and embrace their curls early so they didnt grow up like me, unhappy with their natural look, feeling it was a problem and wasting time and money on pointless styling that only ever made me look frizzier and tangle worse.

I would suggest looking up the curly girl method, (paraben sulphate and silicon free products). There are some great advice threads on here and other sites. What works for DD is not washing every day, tonnes of conditioner, wet combing and detangling spray (wet conditioner comb for nit check, shes never yet had any) and no dry brushing, air or turban to dry. Plaits when shes most active and swimming. It will never look or be like straight hair, always a bit more difficult to manage but there are ways to make it much easier for both her and you - work with the curl rather than against it.
By all means have it trimmed to neaten the ends, it can get straggly and of course if your daughter really wants it cut shorter then do it but its not an either/or - and badly handled curly hair doesnt become miraculously easier because its cut shorter.

Why is a bob “really extreme”

You see, my answer to that is because it’s a lot higher maintenance than hair that just grows and sits somewhere below your shoulders. You need to tie it back for school - for science, PE etc. And a bob is long enough to, say, be a danger with a Bunsen burner, but is actually quite challenging to tie back because it’s not long enough just to go into a bobble without faffing with pins or slides. And it’s a style that requires much more regular maintenance to stop it looking scruffy, especially if it’s one with a thick fringe involved. It’s a lovely style, but it requires effort to maintain.

@Eurydice84 the problem here is that you're discussing this with people who have outdated, gendered ideas about how a little girl looks 'beautiful.'

If your dd really doesn't mind what length her hair is then a) that's great! She's not absorbing this weird notion that hair down to her bottom is the blueprint of what a girl should have and b) listen to her and get it cut!

It doesn't have to be a bob, the main thing is to get it cut so it's manageable for her and the lifestyle, swimming several times a week in a pool. Matted and tangled hair isn't a good look on anyone, and I don't blame her for hating having it brushed if it gets like this.

We live in an era when little girls and boys can wear their hair short, long or inbetween. Thank heavens!

My DD had hair like yours at that age, she was adorable. What wasn't adorable, though, was the torture of hair brushing. She took things into her own hands and started secretly cutting her hair from time to time until I finally offered to cut it short and she was so happy. She now wears it very short and is committed to keeping it that way. She hated it long.

I think bobs are much cuter on little girls than long hair especially when it's straggly

But if you did want to keep it long, have you tried a tangle teaser?

badly handled curly hair doesnt become miraculously easier because its cut shorter.

I’d missed that her hair was curly! Length weighs down curls; you may find that if her hair curls it doesn’t sit neatly in a bob. I have that sort of hair. Mine certainly wouldn’t and would need a lot of blow drying etc to keep it in that style and not a mass of frizz.

You say she has very long curly hair. Are you trying to brush through it when it’s dry? That will really hurt. My hair is the same. Only ever brush it when wet.

What on earth are barrettes?!

I don’t know why people say things like this. My son has lovely blonde wavy hair, it’s never been cut (he’s 2), and it’s down to his shoulders, shiny and in good condition. I constantly get asked when we are going to cut it short!!

Don't brush curly hair!!!

Look up the Curly Girl method, you can do it without the products and styling for now...just the ways to maintain and manage curls. Don't brush it!!!

You don't need to cut it.

Did I mention that you SHOULDN'T BRUSH CURLY HAIR????

If children put their heads together, as they frequently do, it won't matter if the hair is tied up or not.

American for hair slides.

If she wants it cut, cut it. But bobs are awful. I’d do collar bone length, and keep it braided / tied up for school, activities where it might get tangled, swimming etc.

Don't do that either. Wet hair is elastic and will stretch and snap.

If the curls are loose, or just waves, you could possibly use a wide toothed plastic comb. But don't brush it!

If the curls are tight enough, you don't ever need to brush it. Use your fingers to get conditioner all over, if that.

DON'T BRUSH CURLY HAIR!!!

Doesn’t brushing wet hair cause it to stretch and break?

My hair is wavy not curly. DD has loose curls/ringlets. I tried the curly method on me but found it aggravated my eczema and skin allergies with the extra products and the air drying. I also struggled with not being able to dry brush. Have looked Merwave products online (specifically for wavies) but they are quite £££ are worried they might give me the same issues.

Completely agree. I had short hair several times as a kid and teen.

My dd has had various bobs and twice (age 6 and 10) a proper pixie cut. Both times, the hairdressers were so reluctant to do it, even though she wanted it. She looked gorgeous, like a little elf. She got lots of interest and compliments at school and LOVED the absolute ease of washing and going.

My daughter asked to have a haircut in her first term of Reception and we did cut into a bob and donate 12 inches to the Little Princess Trust. Like you, the tangles were becoming a nightmare and I suddenly got 15 mins back every morning with not having to deal with long hair.

Get it cut! Especially for such a worthy cause.

People are daft, she isn’t a princess

I’d cut it into a bob now so she stops having a difficult relationship with hairwashing, and then grow it just long enough to be tied back for

I have v fine curly hair so I sympathise - I’d get some leave it light spray conditioner and a silk pillowcase so it doesn’t tangle so much in the first place

If your daughter doesn't mind, I would cut it. My son has long curly hair and he loves it, so doesn't want it cut. A stipulation of him keeping it long is that he has to let me wash and comb it properly without too much whinging!

Having said that, we only do it a couple of times a week. Copious amounts of conditioner when wet. Comb it through. Rinse it off. Then loads more leave in conditioning cream. Comb through again. Never ever brush when dry.

This.
This is your issue - not the length of it!