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Original poster

Lodger and booby traps

510 replies

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 15:25

Hi

I have had a lodger for the past year , clean tidy and shares house.

I have an ensuite so she generally has main bathroom to herself. She does not I stress have an ensuite , she shares main bathroom and usually has to herself

In the past year a handful if visitors have used the main bathroom and this really upsets her and she will then loudly and obviously start cleaning it and disinfecting it and sighing , this could be when someone has just washed their hands , I'm not talking about leaving a filthy toilet etc

Realised yesetrday she has wedged toilet paper in the bathroom door so she can see if ils been opened and toilet paper around the toilet seat so she can see if it has been lifted

Hasn't spoken to me about any of this, if someone's used that bathroom she will clean up noisily, spray air freshener everywhere and not speak to me for a while

I know it's weird , I can't stop visitors using the main bathroom unless I tell them to use my ensuite , had a friend over at the weekend and did actually do that so as not to cause issues ..but they look at me like I'm crazy

Apart from this she is great, but I'm thinking it's bloody odd , it makes visitors feel really awkward !

OP posts:
newnamethanks · 19/05/2023 07:59

It will be the fridge and kitchen next. Find another lodger who knows what a boundary is.

WickedSerious · 19/05/2023 08:13

Scirocco · 19/05/2023 06:03

I'm disappointed @Hoppygolightly . When I read 'booby traps', I was expecting buckets of water balanced above doors, cellophane on the toilet seat... She needs to try harder.

This is probably her next move.

MzHz · 19/05/2023 08:16

@Hoppygolightly well done for opening the subject- I know it’s awkward

but what’s this “both having a think”nonsense 😆

if she gets her way in this YOU don’t have any guests. Ever. Her behaviour makes it super awkward for them, and it’s plain weird for anyone coming to your home using your en suite, going past a perfectly good bathroom and through your bedroom

this is your house.

I get that it’s her home, but for the majority of the time she does get some use of the main bathroom, she knows that if she were to move next door for example in the same layout anywhere else she’d be paying a lot more and it’d be no better than she has now.

you do need to be gentle but firmer “Look, the bathroom is predominantly yours in that I have my own and we don’t have to share, but it is the main bathroom for the rest of the house and it’s the only logical bathroom for visitors to use.”

she’s living in zone 1 for an absolute steal! The only compromise she’s needing to make is that occasionally visitors use her bathroom. She has to stop with the PassAgg stuff. For one thing it’s a waste of toilet paper that you are buying, and it’s not on for her to make your friends feel bad.

KittyAlfred · 19/05/2023 08:18

Marchitectmummy · 19/05/2023 04:36

Who cleans the bathroom regularly? If she is the only one cleaning it, I can see why she's annoyed.

In saying that your flat and your boundaries.

Read the OP’s posts

Bananarepublic · 19/05/2023 08:22

OCD is something you have to manage if you suffer from it, it's not your landlord's responsibility.

If she wants exclusive use of a bathroom then she needs to get an en-suite or her own flat. But she's unlikely to be able to afford that in central London! I do wonder how she manages when she goes out though or goes to work.

Anyway it's definitely not OP's problem and the best solution seems to be that the lodger moves out.

caringcarer · 19/05/2023 08:29

Nodinnernogift · 18/05/2023 15:43

Yeah I'd be really annoyed in your shoes. I'd probably say "can I've a word?" walk with her to the door, point at it "what's this about?"

Say absolutely nothing so that she has to hear for herself how ridiculous her reasoning is then respond "this bathroom is for the whole house, myself and guests included. I rarely use it as I hace an ensuite but that doesn't make it your private bathroom"

The cheek of her. It's your house.

This is perfect.

Redebs · 19/05/2023 08:30

The reason why she probably wants to clean after men have used the bathroom is the urine spray. I can see her point. Most men stand to pee.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 19/05/2023 08:51

Since when does a lodger get to dictate the social life of the person they rent a room off?

She does not get to assume/control how many visitors you have.

You could invite every mothertrucker you know around for a weekend bender and party in the bathroom, and it would still be none of the lodger’s damn business.

She took a room with access to the rest of the house, all she can control is the inside of her room. If she can’t cope with that, she needs to reassess, not you.

Do not engage further with ‘discussion’. Do not make your guests use your personal bathroom. If she starts with the idiotic cleaning capers, calmly tell her she’s making people uncomfortable and to stop. I’d also be looking at giving her notice (are lodgers entitled to that? Am genuinely unsure, as I know they have very different rights to tenants) as this is not goi g to get better. She’s laid the groundwork for the ‘I don’t like you living your life in your home, you must cater to me’ bollocks.

At the end of the day, you let a room for a really good price for the area, and I doubt you’ll be without a lodger for long. Just make sure the next one knows they don’t get the bathroom to themselves.

HurryShadow · 19/05/2023 09:03

On the basis that the cheapest room share rate I can find in Bloomsbury on OpenRent is £920 a month.

I can understand not wanting the hassle of a tax return, but at £320 per month difference, you're throwing away almost £4k a year in rent OP. If you don't want to do your tax return, you can find an accountant that would do it for you for a couple of hundred quid. Set aside half of the extra rent and you'll clear your tax bill.

It may be that her moving out does you both a favour.

MarkWithaC · 19/05/2023 09:16

user1492757084 · 19/05/2023 04:25

Explain that it is unreasonable and non sustainable for her to object when others use the shared bathroom.
Discuss whether she thinks this is the right fit for her living arrangements. She might have to leave.
Discuss cleaning of the main bathroom.
Do you supply cleaning products and paper?
Do you take a turn and clean that bathroom every month?

The cleaning questions have all been answered comprehensively.

WickedSerious · 19/05/2023 09:26

I can't get over her thinking that you'd never have visitors.

Did she find you on a 'Friendless Hermits Seeking Lodgers' website?

ejbaxa · 19/05/2023 09:35

id be careful here op. She sounds like a lovely tenant other that this toilet issue. The issue is so minor and so easily solved by just sending guests to your en-suite. I can’t actually believe that you’d take the risk of getting a new tenant just over this. The scale of issues that could arise is mega! My db has a lodger who proceeded to get CCJs and aggressive bailiffs came round - he paid them out of his own money out of fear and intimidation. The lodger broke stuff in the flat and eventually did a runner leaving db out of pocket quite majorly. On paper, lodger had a job and was normal.

often on MN, posters like to crucify people for very minor transgressions. Be careful that the keyboard warriors aren’t clouding your judgement here.

EsmeSusanOgg · 19/05/2023 09:53

Hoppygolightly · 18/05/2023 20:56

Lol come here !.

Double room, garden view , shared kitchen and big loungeand garden, mostly own bathroom sometimes shared !!!!!

Show quote history

£600 a month in a two-bed zone 1 garden flat is a steal! I paid £800 in 2013. And I shared a bathroom (just one other person too).

She is trying to take over a while bathroom by stealth for way below market rate. I'm sure you can find an equally nice lodger who won't do that.

EsmeSusanOgg · 19/05/2023 09:58

HurryShadow · 19/05/2023 09:03

On the basis that the cheapest room share rate I can find in Bloomsbury on OpenRent is £920 a month.

I can understand not wanting the hassle of a tax return, but at £320 per month difference, you're throwing away almost £4k a year in rent OP. If you don't want to do your tax return, you can find an accountant that would do it for you for a couple of hundred quid. Set aside half of the extra rent and you'll clear your tax bill.

It may be that her moving out does you both a favour.

Or, she could up to the max allowed which is £625 a month.

EsmeSusanOgg · 19/05/2023 09:59

IncyWincyGrownUp · 19/05/2023 08:51

Since when does a lodger get to dictate the social life of the person they rent a room off?

She does not get to assume/control how many visitors you have.

You could invite every mothertrucker you know around for a weekend bender and party in the bathroom, and it would still be none of the lodger’s damn business.

She took a room with access to the rest of the house, all she can control is the inside of her room. If she can’t cope with that, she needs to reassess, not you.

Do not engage further with ‘discussion’. Do not make your guests use your personal bathroom. If she starts with the idiotic cleaning capers, calmly tell her she’s making people uncomfortable and to stop. I’d also be looking at giving her notice (are lodgers entitled to that? Am genuinely unsure, as I know they have very different rights to tenants) as this is not goi g to get better. She’s laid the groundwork for the ‘I don’t like you living your life in your home, you must cater to me’ bollocks.

At the end of the day, you let a room for a really good price for the area, and I doubt you’ll be without a lodger for long. Just make sure the next one knows they don’t get the bathroom to themselves.

You can pretty much kick out a lodger as and when, most people give between a week and a month's notice though.

UndermyShoeJoe · 19/05/2023 10:07

Time for her to leave. She knew it was a shared bathroom and it’s laughable at the few people who think the owner of the property should have to have any of quests walk though her bedroom to use a bathroom when there’s a shared one that invades nobody’s private space.

MarkWithaC · 19/05/2023 10:09

ejbaxa · 19/05/2023 09:35

id be careful here op. She sounds like a lovely tenant other that this toilet issue. The issue is so minor and so easily solved by just sending guests to your en-suite. I can’t actually believe that you’d take the risk of getting a new tenant just over this. The scale of issues that could arise is mega! My db has a lodger who proceeded to get CCJs and aggressive bailiffs came round - he paid them out of his own money out of fear and intimidation. The lodger broke stuff in the flat and eventually did a runner leaving db out of pocket quite majorly. On paper, lodger had a job and was normal.

often on MN, posters like to crucify people for very minor transgressions. Be careful that the keyboard warriors aren’t clouding your judgement here.

The OP has said she doesn't like 'just sending guests to her en suite' and has explained why.
There is a shared bathroom, which the lodger knew when she made her decision to take the room. If she can't handle that, this is not the right living arrangement for her.
I don't know how 'lovely' she is really, or how grown up. She could have asked the OP for a chat and broached the subject in an adult way, rather than setting toilet paper traps (?!? who the eff does that?) and engaging in PA huffing and sighing.

ILikePizzas · 19/05/2023 10:22

You need to assert dominance over your territory. Start doing your No 2s in the main toilet and don't use the brush.

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 19/05/2023 10:30

Well.....

She will stay if she gets advance notice of guests and when they are going to use the bathroom , otherwise she said she would start looking for somewhere else

I think she includes me in the above , not that I would go in there generally apart from cleaning

I'm generally easy going , but irritated now, and toilet paper traps still there which I find pretty childish !

I think she needs to rent a proper ensuite somewhere personally

OP posts:
GasPanic · 19/05/2023 10:34

If she wasn't like this at the start then clearly she is capable of supressing this behaviour. She does it now because she thinks she can get away with it.

She's a piss taker. She's got it good with a low rent and what seems like a kind landlord, but that's not good enough.

She wants more, to run your home how she likes and dictate who does what.

If it were my place she'd be out pdq.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/05/2023 10:37

Hoppygolightly · 19/05/2023 10:30

Well.....

She will stay if she gets advance notice of guests and when they are going to use the bathroom , otherwise she said she would start looking for somewhere else

I think she includes me in the above , not that I would go in there generally apart from cleaning

I'm generally easy going , but irritated now, and toilet paper traps still there which I find pretty childish !

I think she needs to rent a proper ensuite somewhere personally

Tell her to shut the door behind her.

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 19/05/2023 10:37

Thanks, I'm not commiting to giving advance warning of when someone may go in shared bathroom as that seems a little ridiculous so I suspect she will start looking for somewhere else to live

OP posts:
CaffeinateMeNow · 19/05/2023 10:47

Yeah, I think it’s time for her to move on. “Advance warning” is ridiculous given it’s not her bathroom. I think this will just get more and more awkward.

Have you responded to that request?

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/05/2023 10:47

Good luck to her finding equivalent lodgings in the same area at that price with a landlord who's ready to give her "advance warning" every time someone comes over and might use the loo.

Original poster
Hoppygolightly · 19/05/2023 10:48

Yes said that wouldn't be possible

Think we are back to silent treatment now

OP posts: