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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child never picked..

111 replies

Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 15:43

My child's communion is in a couple of weeks & loads of children have been given roles in the mass... My dc had her reconciliation in Feb, the teacher said whoever doesn't get a role will have something in the communion mass.. My dc has been given nothing in this either & is so disappointed. Especially as the teacher said that those who didn't get a part in the reconciliation would have a part in the communion mass.. I feel so disappointed on my childs behalf, please talk sense into me. I don't want to be that parent!

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:03

Anyone?!

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 17/05/2023 16:06

Is the communion through school? I would have asked the teacher if there had been an oversight, if he'd been told he'd have a role and then wasn't give one.

Cantthinkofaname2203 · 17/05/2023 16:07

What kind of role?

iirc the role is receiving communion. None of the kids at ours did anything else.

the reconciliation wasn’t a big thing either and no one had “roles”.

some of the older kids were altar boys/girls as they would do normally.

otherwise have a quick word with the teacher. “Just wondered what dc’s role is in the ceremony as the kids were told those who didn’t have a role at reconciliation would do”. Kind of thing.

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:07

It's through school... Others didn't get jobs either.. I asked dc again & he said teacher said if somone had a job at the reconciliation they wouldn't get one at the communion service. Some dc mightnt be bothered but mine is crushed...

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Shadyladyo · 17/05/2023 16:08

Give up religion?

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:08

Cantthinkofaname2203 · 17/05/2023 16:07

What kind of role?

iirc the role is receiving communion. None of the kids at ours did anything else.

the reconciliation wasn’t a big thing either and no one had “roles”.

some of the older kids were altar boys/girls as they would do normally.

otherwise have a quick word with the teacher. “Just wondered what dc’s role is in the ceremony as the kids were told those who didn’t have a role at reconciliation would do”. Kind of thing.

Singing, readings, prayers & bringing gifts..

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/05/2023 16:08

People may not be crystal clear what is going on due to the terminology!

But I think it would be totally reasonable to have a word with the teacher so she can carry up an offering or something. They've just overlooked her and you won't be That Parent for reminding them.

StephanieSuperpowers · 17/05/2023 16:09

Do you have a parent's meeting?

wildfirewonder · 17/05/2023 16:10

Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:07

It's through school... Others didn't get jobs either.. I asked dc again & he said teacher said if somone had a job at the reconciliation they wouldn't get one at the communion service. Some dc mightnt be bothered but mine is crushed...

This does not mean everyone will get a job...

I'd tell them it doesn't matter, tbh, and say I'll take you for a treat after.

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:10

@TheYearOfSmallThings she said there's others too who aren't doing anything..They are combined with two other classes so 60 kids in total..

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IrregularChoiceFan · 17/05/2023 16:12

I was always forgotten, it was not a great feeling. I don't think you would be 'that' parent if you went to speak with the teacher.

My personal confidence was never good enough to even tell my parents about things like this, even now I wish I had.

ThatFraggle · 17/05/2023 16:14

Teacher probably forgot. Just send in a message saying:

"Jenny was disappointed not to have a role in x, but was reassured she would have one in Y. Y is on the 30th of May and the roles have been given out and Jenny was left out. She is disappointed, especially in light of assurances from her teacher that she wouldn't be left out twice. I know there is a lot to organise and that this might be an oversight, so please let me know when you can now the matter stands."

StephanieSuperpowers · 17/05/2023 16:16

I don't think I'd message the teacher as if I was her line manager and she was one step from having a chat about performance.

Fruitful82 · 17/05/2023 16:18

* I don't want to be that parent!*

so instead just start a mumsnet thread about it 😐
drop the teacher a line. No drama. Just a heads up that your dd has been missed off

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:18

According to dc there was no guarantee to get a role in either but a child wouldnt have a part in both but one does as it turns out...

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Fruitful82 · 17/05/2023 16:18

ThatFraggle · 17/05/2023 16:14

Teacher probably forgot. Just send in a message saying:

"Jenny was disappointed not to have a role in x, but was reassured she would have one in Y. Y is on the 30th of May and the roles have been given out and Jenny was left out. She is disappointed, especially in light of assurances from her teacher that she wouldn't be left out twice. I know there is a lot to organise and that this might be an oversight, so please let me know when you can now the matter stands."

Bloomin heck… that will raise a laugh in the staff room 😂

Fruitful82 · 17/05/2023 16:19

Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:18

According to dc there was no guarantee to get a role in either but a child wouldnt have a part in both but one does as it turns out...

How old is your child op?

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:28

Child is 9 & yes @Fruitful82 i don't want to be the laughing stock of the staffroom, we have a number of years left in the school.
Dc did volunteer for jobs..

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MammaTo · 17/05/2023 16:31

I’m afraid you’ll have to be the pushy parent.

My junior school was exactly the same, same kids picked time and time again; their mums were prominent PTA mums or altar boys/girls.

I was a really good dancer as a child and never got picked for this dance troop thing and I was heart broken (so dramatic I know) but my mum bounced up the school and told the teachers straight and that it was always the same kids etc.

Low an behold I got a role thanks to my mum.

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:35

Thanks everyone, yes I'll have to do it. It's just choosing the words for the email. Dc has just reiterated that not everyone had been promised a job!

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Scienceadvisory · 17/05/2023 16:36

If there are 60 kids then across the 2 services that would be giving 30 children jobs per service. That is clearly impractical.

There is also a difference between the teacher saying anyone who didn't get a role in the first service will get a role in the second and the teacher saying those who got a role in the first wouldn't get a role in the second.

There's nothing to suggest your child has been forgotten. There probably weren't enough jobs for everyone. So yes, raising it with the teacher would make you that parent.

Fruitful82 · 17/05/2023 16:40

Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:35

Thanks everyone, yes I'll have to do it. It's just choosing the words for the email. Dc has just reiterated that not everyone had been promised a job!

Your dc doesn’t sound too bothered and seems very keen on you not contacting the school

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:42

Yes you're right @Scienceadvisory it would be. However one child has a role in both & pta kids all have jobs. More roles created specifically for them today.

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Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 16:43

@Fruitful82 no dc is very upset.. Says its unfair x got a part in both & it's always the same ones... (prominent families & pta kids from the names I can gather)

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Jonei · 17/05/2023 16:43

I would mention that she's very upset and is there anything she can do? There's no harm in advocating for your child when she can't do this herself.