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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

494 replies

somethingunpredictable2012 · 16/05/2023 15:57

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

OP posts:
Billyoh · 17/05/2023 19:46

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 17/05/2023 19:43

With 4 families on one booking, there was always a significant possibility that one family might have to pull out for some reason. Did you not agree how this scenario should be handled before making the booking? Or is it that people now want to deviate from the original agreement?

I think the only fair way is to stick with whatever was agreed at the outset. If the possibility that one family might have to withdraw was never discussed, then that's more tricky but I don't think the other families should be out of pocket, so the withdrawing family should cover the cost of their share or the cost of the whole deposit, whichever is less. They might not, though....

I wonder why the couple trying for a baby didn’t agree how it would play out, if they successfully conceived?

MeridianB · 17/05/2023 19:50

They know. They know they should pay it, and they are hoping it will go away. But why should three other families suck up their rude attempt to duck out of their £800 debt?

I’m all for letting your DH do his bull-in-a-china-shop thing and get the money. Partly because this pair seem to have zero qualms about burning all the friendships, but mostly because of the principle.

LoisLane66 · 17/05/2023 19:50

@EcoChica1980
Why should the OP have the worry of trying to fill their space? They cancelled, their problem. Theirs is not a friendship I'd want. Laying out an extra £260+ out EACH because a 'friend and wife' won't honour their commitment? Nah...good riddance to them if they refuse.

shammalammadingdong · 17/05/2023 19:50

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 18:05

Their solution will probably be cancel and lose the deposit.

Show quote history

That isn't an option open to them though.

OP, your friendship is probably fucked either way. You might save it with real honesty though, tell the straight: they have to pay, or you have to pay, and that is not fair.
Stop pussyfooting around and be blunt.

Daisychain97 · 17/05/2023 19:55

somethingunpredictable2012 · 16/05/2023 15:57

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

Can you find another couple to join you and take over? If it’s a big shared villa that might not be possible with people you don’t know but can’t be too hard if you’re at a hotel. Otherwise they should pay for it, you all made a financial decision together and they’re now backing out.

EcoChica1980 · 17/05/2023 19:55

Really? You’d just bin them off forever because they were preoccupied with their difficult pregnancy and hadn’t read your mind about paying for a holiday?

Probably they’d see that they have an obligation to pay if it was
pointed out to them.

And they didn’t you can say good riddance at that point.

randomuser2019 · 17/05/2023 19:59

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

SparklyShoesandTutus · 17/05/2023 20:01

This really depends on conditions of contract. What does it stay about changing booking? What are the implications of reducing booking by 2 people. They should be asked to pay for any unrecoverable costs incurred by their cancellation. If they don't want to pay they should check their insurance and claim through that

Redebs · 17/05/2023 20:08

I think you need to be very direct about them paying.

'Hi Jack and Jill, Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Just a quick reminder that the remainder of the holiday money needs to be paid by xxx date, please.
I know you said you might not be able to come along, but the holiday company still needs the full payment I'm afraid.'

Don't put anything about finding a replacement couple or splitting the payment between the rest of you. Just proceed as if you expect them to pay.

If they get back to you and say it's a problem, ask THEM what solutions they think might work.

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 20:12

shammalammadingdong · 17/05/2023 19:50

That isn't an option open to them though.

OP, your friendship is probably fucked either way. You might save it with real honesty though, tell the straight: they have to pay, or you have to pay, and that is not fair.
Stop pussyfooting around and be blunt.

Show quote history

It literally is. All they have to do is say we won’t be paying anymore. Cancel it. You cannot force them to pay.

MarnieCres · 17/05/2023 20:14

Safety in numbers. I think all couples involved should meet with the non paying couple, challenge their thinking and let them know the financial implications for all of you.

Feel for you OP.

Newmum0322 · 17/05/2023 20:15

Billyoh · 17/05/2023 19:29

But they are CFs and PPs pointing that out to you I’d not unreasonable.

Show quote history

They don’t need to point it out to me. They need to point it out to the OP who is actually interested in hearing a range of different opinions to gain perspective. Shouting me down for offering my opinion is small minded and discourages healthy debate.

shammalammadingdong · 17/05/2023 20:16

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 20:12

It literally is. All they have to do is say we won’t be paying anymore. Cancel it. You cannot force them to pay.

Show quote history

No, it isn't. It's OP's booking, them not paying doesn't mean the booking is cancelled. They have no control over the booking, they can't cancel anything. What it means that they haven't paid, and OP can chase them for payment, get someone else to take the spot, or absorb the loss.

Itsanotherhreatday · 17/05/2023 20:33

You can’t force them to pay

If you have their agreement in writing - you can go to small claims court it’s costa very little.

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 20:36

shammalammadingdong · 17/05/2023 20:16

No, it isn't. It's OP's booking, them not paying doesn't mean the booking is cancelled. They have no control over the booking, they can't cancel anything. What it means that they haven't paid, and OP can chase them for payment, get someone else to take the spot, or absorb the loss.

Show quote history

And how are you going to make them pay? Because the risk of a group booking is that this happens.

The contract is that you lose the deposit if you cancel. Not that you have to pay in full.

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 20:37

Itsanotherhreatday · 17/05/2023 20:33

You can’t force them to pay

If you have their agreement in writing - you can go to small claims court it’s costa very little.

They totally won’t have put in place a written agreement.

Im99912 · 17/05/2023 20:40

i went on a big family holiday at Easter my sister arranged it all
as soon as she told me how much it was I gave her the money
So did the others
none of this waiting around till 2 -3 months before you go
She got the money from everyone who wasn’t immediate family up first before booking the holiday

Delatron · 17/05/2023 20:43

I’m also wondering about letting your DH do the bull in the China shop approach. They haven’t responded to the other messages so clearly have the skins of a a rhino.. they may need a far more direct approach now.

It needs to be addressed asap now - as the longer you leave it the more likely they are to say ‘oh we told you ages ago’ which doesn’t make it right but it does need sorting. It’s very annoying the other couples are leaving you to sort too. A group approach would have been more effective.

MargotBamborough · 17/05/2023 20:50

Delatron · 17/05/2023 20:43

I’m also wondering about letting your DH do the bull in the China shop approach. They haven’t responded to the other messages so clearly have the skins of a a rhino.. they may need a far more direct approach now.

It needs to be addressed asap now - as the longer you leave it the more likely they are to say ‘oh we told you ages ago’ which doesn’t make it right but it does need sorting. It’s very annoying the other couples are leaving you to sort too. A group approach would have been more effective.

This.

The friendship is already toast. Just let DH read them the riot act.

joycies · 17/05/2023 20:51

Since there are 3 other couples involved, I really don't see why it should be you up front. If the couple cancelling ever saw a document saying non-refundable then you should have no hesitation in insisting on payment. I think it needs a letter signed by all 3 couples explaining that the balance is owed. The baby part is quite irrelevant, in my view.

PoseyFlump · 17/05/2023 20:52

@JenWillsiam is right. They don't have to pay any more than the deposit they have already paid. It's not morally right but as the booking is in OP's name then you can't make the cheeky buggers do anything now.

Daddydog · 17/05/2023 20:54

I'm so confused - Its not a party holiday to Magaluf it's a chilled family villa bream? The perfect holiday for a 2-3 month old. Our babies were a dream when they were that age on their first holidays! Plus you'd think you want any excuse after 3 months of nappies and pukey shoulders to have a change of scene! Looking after a baby by a pool with some sun is better then better then being stuck at home!

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 20:54

PoseyFlump · 17/05/2023 20:52

@JenWillsiam is right. They don't have to pay any more than the deposit they have already paid. It's not morally right but as the booking is in OP's name then you can't make the cheeky buggers do anything now.

Exactly.

DoraTheScottishExplorer · 17/05/2023 20:56

Is the group chat specific to the holiday? Maybe they've muted it because they aren't going and just haven't seen the message.

Bababette · 17/05/2023 21:09

Insurance doesn’t cover change of mind.