AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

[somethingunpredictable2012]

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

But this makes it sounds like OP is giving them the option not to pay and that not paying would be absolutely fine by her and everyone else.

I’d be letting your husband be as blunt as he wants at this point. It’s so rude of them to ignore your messages.

This, your “friends” clearly are not giving a toss if you loss money or not or if the rest of you have to pay £800 extra each is shocking and really are they any friends of yours when they don’t give a dam past them selfs, I would have a talk with the other people in the same situation and explain you can’t cover the costs and they are not willing to pay what the rest of you will now have to cover, in a group I’m sure you will get your point across much better to them. And they will realise their actions are going to loose them clearly close friends for you all to book a Villa/property together.
big girl pants time and stand up United with the other couples, maybe invite them over for dinner with the other couples and have a big chat with them as the group.

You really need to call them in person and spell it out to them

They are incredibly cheeky. If course they need to pay or find someone to replace them. Their family planning is their issue, and the rest of the group shouldn't have to suck up the consequences of it.

The total cost was split pp, regardless of whether the person was a child or adult, so those families with children paid more.

You don't have to take it all on yourself. If I was you I'd unleash the bull into the china shop and let DH make the approach.

It does, but if they’re not going to pay, they’re not going to pay. This approach hopefully shames them into either paying or at least owning up to having no intention to do so. Hopefully that’s too embarrassing and they pay up instead. I think OP wanted to keep the friendship, and too blunt an approach would perhaps jeopardise that.

Message them to say you’re going to try to fill their space, but ask how they want to handle it if you can’t do that.

In that case (I just wanted to check!) they are BANG out of order!! They agreed to the price I think they have to pay, how you get that across is tough but a message needs to be sent and you need feel no guilt about doing so.

I think I'd just pay extra - if there was just the one couple that now aren't coming that can only be 1 bedroom. I'd just suck it up and pay.

Very disappointing behaviour and only you can know the relationships in play here and how far you want to go to get the money.
This is why I won’t front more a couple of cinema tickets people can behave so badly around money

They need to pay up as they’ve just changed their mind

Do you have other means of contacting them? Just thinking they may have left the chat
Email etc.,, or you shouldn't have to but unleash your DH

Personally I would just let OH handle it, they need to pay up. I honestly am gobsmacked by the shitty way people behave these days. I wouldn’t have the nerve, disgusting!

When is the balance due OP?

Please tell me they weren’t being charged extra for the baby ?

Why would they be? The place was booked long before the pregnancy was announced.

But they are CFs and PPs pointing that out to you I’d not unreasonable.

I would put it clearly on the group chat. Say you haven't heard from them but as a collective group you need to come up with a solution as the prices specified were based on them coming and the deadline for payment is looming. Ask the whole group what the plan is. This is not just your problem. Everyone going needs to support you to get it sorted. They are being so selfish. They are happy to lose their deposit that's one thing but to expect the rest of you to now have a more expensive holiday or cancel and all lose money is insane. I'd be fuming.

@Cazareeto1
I think it was £800 between the remaining 3 couples, NOT per couple.

No more Mr Nice Guy. Lay it on the line so they can be sure what you mean. Tell them it's left a sour taste in the mouths of the rest of the group and the friendship is rapidly fizzling out. How can they justifiably think it's ok to palm off a £266.60p extra bill on each of the other families?

With 4 families on one booking, there was always a significant possibility that one family might have to pull out for some reason. Did you not agree how this scenario should be handled before making the booking? Or is it that people now want to deviate from the original agreement?

I think the only fair way is to stick with whatever was agreed at the outset. If the possibility that one family might have to withdraw was never discussed, then that's more tricky but I don't think the other families should be out of pocket, so the withdrawing family should cover the cost of their share or the cost of the whole deposit, whichever is less. They might not, though....

I agree with @boomboom109283 - it's not your problem to solve but one for the whole group. Call it out on the group as to who still owes what. If the couple say they're no longer paying, then ask openly on the group as to what everyone wants to do about the balance that's owed. It's not your burden to pay alone. It's horrible though as these things always leave a sour taste!

"Hi CF Couple, I haven't heard anything from you regarding the now overdue balance of £800 to pay. We respect your decision not to come on holiday but as you know the holiday is on my credit card and I can't afford to be left £800 out of pocket. Please make arrangements to pay the balance ASAP.

I think if you tag someone directly in the group chat then you can see if they are still there. At this point I'd be really direct- feels like the friendship is lost anyway so question is do you lose it £800 down or not.

Say that the balance is due 31/05 or whenever it is due so by 29/05 you either need payment from Lucinda and Gary who are backing out, or the group needs to have agreed a way to split it and the money needs to be in your account as you simply cannot afford and it's not fair that you pay the extra £800 yourselves.

If it's not sorted out and money in account by 29/05 then regrettably you will need to cancel the holiday and everyone will lose their deposits.

I'd flower it up a lot because I hate conflict and say you're really sorry to be having to send this message, but you don't really have any choice.