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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

494 replies

somethingunpredictable2012 · 16/05/2023 15:57

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

OP posts:
Softoprider · 17/05/2023 15:41

Op I think they should pay their share and it should be made clear to them that if they don't it will cost everyone else their deposit

frostbittenfingers · 17/05/2023 15:57

I mean you just have to ask them outright. Your anxiety about this is not going to improve without a resolution. I get it's a scary but really you need to ask and they need to respond.

MarkWithaC · 17/05/2023 17:54

Survey99 · 16/05/2023 17:30

Message to the whatsapp group.

"Congratulations to Bob and Sue on their wonderful news! Is everyone free on Tuesday at 7pm to discuss what everyone is happy with regarding outstanding holiday payments due"

You need to meet as a group, including Bob and Sue, and discuss openly as grown ups. Friendships are only lost when people are not able to be honest about their feelings or they are being unreasonable.

I agree with this. Effectively, expose/name and shame them – but by arranging an adult, sensible discussion of how you as a group deal with it.
They've behaved appallingly. They have a chance to redeem themselves, but it'll be interesting to see if they do indeed do so

Poodles23 · 17/05/2023 17:59

Could you transfer the holiday to a cheaper one for fewer people?

rosyvalentine · 17/05/2023 18:01

towriteyoumustlive · 16/05/2023 17:07

I would contact them along the lines of:

"Hi, I appreciate you've said that could no longer want to go on the holiday, but the balance is now due and your share is £800. Please could you transfer this ASAP as I cant afford to pay your share? It's up to you if you want to find someone to take your place, then they can pay you directly. We will also try and find a replacement too. Thanks x"

This is exactly what I would say.

Givemethereins · 17/05/2023 18:04

Why is it your responsibility to pay for their holiday? Even if they're plans changed. Its still there responsibility. Not yours or any of the other families on this trip. I think it's quite black and white. They need to pay or find a solution themselves.

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 18:05

I mean you can request it but my guess they will refuse. And you’ve got no way of forcing them to pay it.

JenWillsiam · 17/05/2023 18:05

Givemethereins · 17/05/2023 18:04

Why is it your responsibility to pay for their holiday? Even if they're plans changed. Its still there responsibility. Not yours or any of the other families on this trip. I think it's quite black and white. They need to pay or find a solution themselves.

Their solution will probably be cancel and lose the deposit.

Floralnomad · 17/05/2023 18:06

I agree that you need to contact them directly not in the group chat and explain that either they pay their share or they pay everyone else’s lost deposit . Then the ball is firmly in their court .

Cuwins · 17/05/2023 18:09

Squiblet · 17/05/2023 14:04

Are you sure they haven't already left the chat? You can do it invisibly now.

I was wondering if they have the chat on mute given they no longer feel it's relevant to them?

Hoppysue · 17/05/2023 18:17

Of course they should pay.

cakewench · 17/05/2023 18:19

If there's a group chat, I would raise it there. Presumably this couple will ignore it, but just be blunt: "Hi everyone, it is time for us to make a decision. We (myself and husband, or whomever) put this trip on our credit card (or whatever) in good faith that we would be reimbursed as everyone had agreed to do so. We cannot afford to pay an extra £1,000 (or whatever) on top of what we are paying for our own trip. If we can't come to a decision s to what to do about the current outstanding £1,000, I can only assume we will have to cancel the trip and lose our deposits. If anyone has any further ideas which will not require (myself and husband) to be out of pocket for the cost of an entire extra holiday, please let me know, as we've really been looking forward to this trip."

Your "friends" will probably ignore this as they've ignored everything else, but you need to be blunt with the others. They are probably hoping you'll put your head down and ignore it? I don't know. Every one of them is pleased they aren't the one who currently is out of pocket, though.

Jeannie88 · 17/05/2023 18:24

Was in a similar situation and nothing we could do really apart from invite others to take their place. We were unable to replace their place in the villa so was just more room for us. If you've booked individually hotel rooms that's different and hopefully you can cancel that part? X

ensayers · 17/05/2023 18:24

Surely one of the three couples still going will know of one more couple that might be suitable to join yous all. Especially as the deposit on their part is already paid, would make a cheap break for them, and no confrontation needed.

foulksmills · 17/05/2023 18:25

Sounds like you're gonna fall out either way so you may as well press for what you're owed.

venusandmars · 17/05/2023 18:27

If you're friendly enough to arrange a group holiday, why aren't you just picking up the phone and asking what's going on? They are clearly not reading or replying to the group chat.

Phone them, email them, knock on their door....

Newestname002 · 17/05/2023 18:28

foulksmills · 17/05/2023 18:25

Sounds like you're gonna fall out either way so you may as well press for what you're owed.

Yep this. If you can't face it maybe ask your DH approach them. 🌹

cakewench · 17/05/2023 18:31

Having re-read the OP I would still take this to the group chat but amend my previous response to include:

"Thank you to those who have paid. Unfortunately, the xyz that has been paid was based on 4 couples sharing, and we now only have 3 couples. If Bob and Sally are no longer paying their share, then the rest of us either need to split the cost of their balance three ways, or we need to cancel the holiday, because I cannot afford to pay for half of this villa, which is essentially what this is coming out as. "

LoisLane66 · 17/05/2023 18:31

So that's an extra 800 between 3 couples 😲They're taking the pi$$.
You'll have to grow a backbone. They knew full well that they were ttc and didn't think (or care) about the effect it would have on the rest of you if they became pregnant and cancelled.
Push hard for the rest of the money and point out how they'd feel if it was someone else pulling that stunt.
Actually, I never ever ever book on behalf of other people unless it's a hotel which lets you cancel up to 24 hours before arrival and in their terms and conditions.
The fact that they've been TTC for a while has nothing to do with you or anyone else on the holiday and should not be factored in when telling them that they owe you.
In this life you MUST learn to say NO and stand your ground. THEY are wrong, not you for asking. Just do it.

Cazareeto1 · 17/05/2023 18:34

somethingunpredictable2012 · 16/05/2023 15:57

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

Depending on how close to the holiday and if you booked hotel or villa, would be a better response from me

if it was booked as a package then they will have to cover the costs of their flights, that will not be refunded and they should pay that.

if flights booked separately they will still have to cover cost of flights, which is only fair as why should you cover that cost.

if it’s a Villa you will all have to come up with the extra cost to cover them not going.

have they booked a holiday themselves before? If so then they know fine well the cost of cancellation and should cover they costs

NotTheGirlYoureLooking4 · 17/05/2023 18:35

They definitely need to pay their share.

Awkward AF, of course, which is also totally unfair for you.

I use AI to handle awkwardness like this…ChatGPT suggests this message:

”Hey [Friend's Name],
I hope you're doing well and congratulations again on your pregnancy! I wanted to touch base with you regarding the upcoming holiday we had planned together. I totally understand that with the baby on the way, your priorities have shifted, and it's completely understandable that you won't be able to join us anymore. We'll definitely miss you and your husband on the trip.

The reason I'm reaching out is because we had initially split the expenses evenly among all the families, including yours. Since you won't be able to make it, it means that the remaining families would have to cover the additional cost. I just wanted to confirm with you that you still intend to contribute your share of the expenses, despite not being able to come along.
I completely understand that having a baby is a big financial responsibility, and if things have changed and it's not feasible for you to
contribute right now, please let me know. I would appreciate open communication about this, as it will help us make necessary adjustments and find a fair solution for everyone involved.
If you're still planning to contribute, it would be great if we could discuss the payment details and arrange for the transfer at your convenience. Just let me know what works best for you.
Thanks for understanding, and I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Warm regards,
[Your Name]"

OnlyFannys · 17/05/2023 18:36

cakewench · 17/05/2023 18:31

Having re-read the OP I would still take this to the group chat but amend my previous response to include:

"Thank you to those who have paid. Unfortunately, the xyz that has been paid was based on 4 couples sharing, and we now only have 3 couples. If Bob and Sally are no longer paying their share, then the rest of us either need to split the cost of their balance three ways, or we need to cancel the holiday, because I cannot afford to pay for half of this villa, which is essentially what this is coming out as. "

I was going to say exactly this. If the holiday is cancellable then ultimately the non paying couple have made it clear they are willing to cancel and forfeit the booking, this is shitty but out of your control as they have done this while you are able to cancel. The only thing you can really do is make it very clear to the wide group that you will not be absorbing that cost and the choice is you all cancel or they pay more to make up the rest (or if you know another couple who can take the spot then that would be best solution all round).

LoisLane66 · 17/05/2023 18:38

I'd be really disappointed to read that you paid their share, really. They're not your friends. Friends would not do this. They should have taken out insurance knowing full well what they were doing and that if she got pregnant she wouldn't be travelling either.

DrManhattan · 17/05/2023 18:38

Op have they left the group chat yet?

Janus · 17/05/2023 18:41

I wonder if they think the original arrangement isn’t fair? You say there’s a group of you going, some with children. So did you split the cost say 4 ways across 4 couples, some with children? Did some couples have say 2 rooms, one for the couple, one for children, and this couple paid the same as them? In this case I would say that’s not fair? It’s like going out for a meal and splitting it 4 ways but one family has 2 people eating and one has 4 eating. It should have been divided by number of people or number of rooms to be fair. Well that’s what I would have done.