AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

[somethingunpredictable2012]

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

Also, CF couple decided to TTC (no judgement but they did decide) and - more to the point are deciding to pull out when they absolutely are welcome with the baby. This isn’t a last minute broken leg or dying grandparent. They are making a choice.

If I was one of the remaining couples and expected to pay more, I'd seriously consider cutting my losses and pulling out of the trip altogether.

Those deciding not to come need to honour their commitment.

what kind of insurance will cover you for having a 3 month old baby at the time of holiday??

This! Perfect.

Just here to sympathise OP. Having been in a similar position before (and like you, never again!!), I can totally imagine how stressful and awkward this is for you. It’s a shame that the couple don’t want to bring the baby. It’s so much easier/more relaxing (in my experience anyway) taking a small immobile baby on holiday than a toddler/young child (but I guess you don’t automatically know that). Nevertheless, they have still decided not to come, and so it’s unfair for you to be lumbered with this issue when you all decided to book this holiday together and you were kind enough to sort it out. Really hope you manage to resolve it and enjoy your holiday.

what about claiming under the travel insurance policy?

Claim under "Unforseen medical event".

Are you suggesting they commit insurance fraud?

There’s no travel insurance that will pay out because you don’t fancy taking a three month old baby on holiday and have changed your mind about going on holiday after all.

The irony is that once baby is three months old they'll probably be gagging for a holiday!

I really feel for you, OP - I used to organise theatre outings for a group and that was bad enough. People just behave differently (worse) when they’re not the one directly on the hook for the money. They are CFs if they don’t pay their share.

One idea if they won’t - you say they’ve paid their deposit. Is there anyone who’d be willing to go in their place (that you could all stand) for the balance? CF couple lose their deposit, someone else may want to step in for a much cheaper holiday and none of the rest of you are any worse off? (I do appreciate this is a tall order; just because you love Phil and Kate/your sister and BIL/your PILs doesn’t mean that all your friends will want to share a house for a fortnight with them. But if there is, it might solve the immediate financial issue?

I think they should pay their share, they knew the situation when booking. It’s unfair your price goes up. At the most you can do is ask and see if they’re gonna be reasonable.

Was there ever any talk of them and their baby making plans at the time of booking? How long ago did you book?

No - it’s in the OP

Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement)

I have an ‘unexpected’ baby on the way. Nightmare pregnancy with gestational hypertension and constant monitoring as well. I would definitely still expect to pay my share even if I didn’t want to go on the holiday.

What kind of world do we live in where people commit themselves to a holiday and then weasel themselves out of paying their share, hoping others will pick up the tab for them. This friendship would be over for me.

But yes, I would definitely ask the couple to pay ASAP. The cost shouldn’t be stumped up by the other couples.

You need to very clearly ask them what they intend to do. You say they are not responding to the group texts, maybe like you they are making incorrect assumptions.

Message them:

"Hi Sarah & Mike, I mentioned in the group chat that the final payment for the holiday villa in Portugal is now due and didn't hear back from you. I know you aren't coming any more, but because of the way it is booked you still need to pay your share of the cost. Or maybe you could find someone to take your places?"

I had many MCs and took a long time to conceive. I would not have gone on holiday with a 2 month old. I would not have left my family/ friends in picking up my bill though. But maybe, they don't realise that you need them to still pay

They should pay.

Had the exact same a couple of years ago, holiday booked with another family and a few weeks before they had to drop out due to work issues.

They still paid their share even though they didn't attend.

This is how I feel. As they haven’t volunteered to pay, if we “make” them pay they’ll be pissed off with us, but if they don’t and we have to pay we will be pissed off. I was just hoping they would acknowledge the issue and offer to pay or even just to check if we would all be happy to split the cost. It’s the assumption that it’s no longer their problem and the radio silence on the matter that’s really causing the issue. They have been named in the group chat and their share spelled out with the deadline to pay and there’s been no response.

I agree with you. It compounds the issue by the fact that they appear to be walking away from the situation rather than confronting it to find a resolution suitable for all.

They could have easily asked if you would all be agreeable to them funding half their balance with the remaining group say splitting the remainder and enjoying more space etc. But they’re doing nothing productive but landing you all with a bigger bill when this wasn’t the agreement.

It’s already a disappointing situation that they are making worse. It’s difficult to see how the friendship can survive this really as they are washing their hands of their own financial commitment due to not really wanting to go on said holiday now, rather than a concrete and understandable reason for not actually being able to.

Are you sure they haven't already left the chat? You can do it invisibly now.

How much would you all loose if you cancel? Would it be just the deposit? CF’s can loose their deposit obviously…

I can’t see your friendship lasting over this….
They can’t really imagine they can cancel and just not pay?

When is the deadline?

Message them directly

Hey Mandy and Jack, payment is due Wednesday and still not heard from you. Can you confirm which of you will be making the payment and if you need my bank details again.

Thanks

I think your message will need to be more firm and explicit, laying out the consequences for the rest of the party if they continue to just not respond. Their non response is in fact a 'response, it is a response that says: 'We don't care about the financial consequences to the other people by us opting out of the holiday and the fact that the rest of you will be severely out of pocket and/or massively inconvenienced if you have to change your plans'. So you need to get to a point where you are very pissed off with them because either way, as others have said, this is not going to end well unfortunately. I would get your husband to do it, now is not a time for avoiding confrontation, the stakes are far too high.

You aren’t making them pay OP
The obligation to pay was made ages ago when they agreed to the holiday.
Dont start using any language that frames it as pressure from you or that you are asking something difficult.

Be straightforward-“ hi both- payment now due- can you let me know when transfer is done. Thanks. See you for drinks soon. “

The onus is on them to ask if they want some kind of special consideration around sharing the costs coming from their change of heart. Don’t assume it’s a done deal that you all need to somehow make it ok for them.

They made an arrangement, sealed it with a deposit. Ball is in their court .