Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still expect them to pay their share of the holiday?

494 replies

somethingunpredictable2012 · 16/05/2023 15:57

We have booked a holiday for 4 families (been booked and planned for over a year), however one couple have announced they are expecting and so won’t be coming on the holiday as baby will be 2/3 months old when holiday comes round so they don’t want to go. The couple have paid the deposit but the balance of the holiday is now due. They haven’t mentioned paying their share of the rest of the cost of the holiday and when asked about the holiday at the time of their pregnancy announcement they simply said “oh yeh, we won’t be coming now, which is a shame, but never mind there will be other holidays”. Their conception and pregnancy has been difficult (no one was aware they were even trying for a baby previous to the announcement) and so bringing up the money/holiday has been difficult due to the issues they have had as there never seems to be a good time. But with the balance of the holiday now due and myself and DH having booked the holiday we are liable for the full amount if the other couple don’t pay their agreed part of the holiday. (Lesson learned never to do that again!). One couple have already paid their share in full and don’t want to pay anymore to split the cost of the 4th couple not coming. The other couple think we should just split the cost between us and suck up the extra cost (£800) so as not to put any more pressure on the couple not coming. The couple have ignored all messages relating to paying the final payment, but DH thinks they should pay up and I should contact them directly and insist they pay their share as agreed. I hate confrontation and don’t want to add to their issues if they are having a difficult pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair they just assume we will all now pay their share, as that wasn’t the cost we all agreed to and we could have actually found somewhere smaller which would have been cheaper. Obviously trying for a baby isn’t always easy or predictable but they would have known this may happen when we booked the holiday, but didn’t mention anything and they seem to have just washed their hands of it like it’s no longer their problem it’s now ours to sort out. It’s obviously causing a lot of tension between everyone involved. What would you do? Is it unreasonable to still expect they pay their share even if they don’t want to come anymore?

OP posts:
Batalax · 16/05/2023 20:43

It’s not even they can’t go, which you’d have a bit more sympathy for. They are choosing not to go.

SheilaFentiman · 16/05/2023 20:43

Squiblet · 16/05/2023 20:41

True ... but what I meant was that, as first -time parents, they may not realise what a golden opportunity they're passing up. When mine were babies, I would have given my eye teeth for a holiday with 4-6 people who would actually take the baby and let me relax by myself for 10 minutes 😉

Show quote history

Haha, true!

Hairpinleg · 16/05/2023 20:45

juneybean · 16/05/2023 20:37

Definitely agree with splitting 4 ways. But the pessimist in me read it as £800 per 3 couples. So is their share £2400?

Wow. I could see how the other couples wouldn't want to pay an extra £800 each.

Emotionalsupportviper · 16/05/2023 20:45

FloweryGardener · 16/05/2023 20:30

I'd just split the difference with the other families and ask the pregnant couple to contribute. Copy everyone into the message.

One of the other families has refused to pay more - and why should they?

FloralBloomers · 16/05/2023 20:47

Either find a couple to replace them, cancel and lose the deposit or accept they are not going to pay for a holiday they are not going on especially when they have baby expenses. Be nice friends and don't let this tarnish a life changing event or a friendship

I agree with this. It's an expensive holiday and to share the shortfall isn't a massive deal. You'll all be getting lots more space which is priceless with kids about, an extra room to spread out in/use for a bit of peace and quiet or for kids to play in etc -it all seems to be turning into a proper song and dance with no need. It would be the one couple who don't want to share the shortfall out who would be getting on my nerves. It'd be them I'd be trying to shame into paying a third.

AFishCalledKeith · 16/05/2023 20:47

I would make this a group problem rather that something you need to sort out yourself given it affects the other families as well.

Absolutely this. Lay it all out on the group chat and invite everyone to make a decision.

HaPPy8 · 16/05/2023 20:48

When did they tell you they couldn’t go? Perhaps they thought they face enough notice that you would change the booking?

MissAmbrosia · 16/05/2023 20:49

If they booked - they pay. If they have a cause to claim it back via insurance then fair enough. No way should everyone else have to pick up the slack.]

HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/05/2023 20:51

It's astounding that they haven't offered to pay. If they're not going to stump up then the only real option is to split equally between the others attending.

I'd be surprised if the friendship remained after this.. If they pay, it sounds like they'll be pissed off with you but if you pay then you'll be pissed off with them. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who cost me money because they didn't want to honour their commitments.

NooNooNotSoGreat · 16/05/2023 20:55

. It would be the one couple who don't want to share the shortfall out who would be getting on my nerves. It'd be them I'd be trying to shame into paying a third.

Why on earth would you be more annoyed with that couple than the couple who have backed out and are trying to make their decision to have a baby and also to not take that baby on holiday? They know that others will likely have to cover their share and seemingly don't care. Who knew that having a baby is a free pass to treat your friends like shit?

Goodoccasionallypoor · 16/05/2023 20:56

Is the remainder of their share £800 in total?

Is that the same balance as the rest of you or less?

I think it depends on how much this would increase the costs for each of you.

cicerodays · 16/05/2023 20:58

This couple are being completely out of order and I would give them a deadline for the payment. They committed and that means they owe the money whether they like it or not.

When I was in my 20s and not on a great salary I lost the cost of a return flight to the USA because the friend I was going to visit's father dropped dead of a brain aneurism in the shower the day before my flight.

I had insurance, which didn't cover such an eventuality. I got my airport tax back and lost about £500. That's life sometimes.

These people have committed to the cost of this holiday and they need to pay it, regardless of what life has thrown up for them.

MargotBamborough · 16/05/2023 21:00

OP, is your share of the deposit more than £800?

Because if you threaten to pull out as well then the other two couples might agree to either split the money three ways or all put pressure on CF couple to cough up.

This shouldn't all be on you.

SheilaFentiman · 16/05/2023 21:02

Given that OP has said losing the deposit would cost more than £800, each couple must have paid a deposit of at least £200 and probably at most £800 ie half. So the holiday would have probably been £1000-£1600 per couple (assuming even split, which it might not be with kids involved)

Each couple paying another £266 is not insignificant.

FloralBloomers · 16/05/2023 21:04

Why on earth would you be more annoyed with that couple than the couple who have backed out and are trying to make their decision to have a baby and also to not take that baby on holiday?

I wouldn't be more annoyed overall. But at this point it's the 'not wanting to share it out' couple who are prolonging the palaver

DisappearingGirl · 16/05/2023 21:04

I agree that technically they should pay it. But I'd probably suggest the option of splitting their cost 4 ways, so £200 extra each (I think). Or some variation on that so the couple pay some of their share but not all.

Partly because I'd feel a bit bad for them paying in full and not going, partly because it may avoid a situation where they refuse to pay up, and partly because I wouldn't really want them to find strangers to go in their place!

FloralBloomers · 16/05/2023 21:04

And would be getting on my nerves

MargotBamborough · 16/05/2023 21:06

SheilaFentiman · 16/05/2023 21:02

Given that OP has said losing the deposit would cost more than £800, each couple must have paid a deposit of at least £200 and probably at most £800 ie half. So the holiday would have probably been £1000-£1600 per couple (assuming even split, which it might not be with kids involved)

Each couple paying another £266 is not insignificant.

I thought she said that she and her DH would be paying £800, presumably also the other couple willing to pay, so CF couple's share would be £1600.

FloralBloomers · 16/05/2023 21:06

I agree that technically they should pay it. But I'd probably suggest the option of splitting their cost 4 ways, so £200 extra each (I think). Or some variation on that so the couple pay some of their share but not all

Whichever of the couples I was, I would find this a satisfactory resolution.

babyproblems · 16/05/2023 21:19

I would ask them ‘seeing as you’re not coming do you know of anyone who would like your places? I was thinking that would solve the payment issue for you guys and we don’t mind some other friends coming of course’ (if you don’t, that is).
Otherwise I would firstly see if there’s anyway that they could just lose their deposit, and then If that Avenue doesn’t work, just ask them how they would like to deal with the remaining balance of the holiday. Could they pay you in instalments if necessary etc. Once you have that convo they may well decide to just come!!! Good luck I also hate this kind of thing! X

similarminimer · 16/05/2023 21:21

I agree that £200 per couple might be the most palatable. It's especially shit because they absolutely could go just don't want to any more for no especially good reason. Unless they have significant money worries they're not sharing.

IsHeLyingAgain · 16/05/2023 21:22

I'm sorry you have found yourself in a difficult situation and are now stressing about your holiday.
Unfortunately I think your first mistake was booking a place without a free cancellation. The couple in question paid the deposit which they will now lose. I understand they have not asked you for reimbursement.
I think they don't need to pay. And this has been a lesson for you to never book a place without free cancellation.
For those reasons I voted YABU.

ChocChipHandbag · 16/05/2023 21:24

IsHeLyingAgain · 16/05/2023 21:22

I'm sorry you have found yourself in a difficult situation and are now stressing about your holiday.
Unfortunately I think your first mistake was booking a place without a free cancellation. The couple in question paid the deposit which they will now lose. I understand they have not asked you for reimbursement.
I think they don't need to pay. And this has been a lesson for you to never book a place without free cancellation.
For those reasons I voted YABU.

I think you're misunderstanding. The other couple lose the deposit and everyone else has to pay extra to cover their share of the balance. What reimbursement are you talking about?

ChocChipHandbag · 16/05/2023 21:25

Also the others don't want to cancel, they want to go on holiday!

SheilaFentiman · 16/05/2023 21:30

“Unfortunately I think your first mistake was booking a place without a free cancellation. “

There won’t be many villas for 8+ people that don’t require a deposit. And the other couples don’t want to cancel.