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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 15 is too old for a babysitter?

161 replies

LadyGodiva4 · 16/05/2023 15:02

My sister has asked me to babysit my 15 year old (who has no disability/learning difficulties) this weekend. It's not terribly convenient for me, but I will do it as I generally think it's nice to be helpful to family where possible, but what rubs me up the wrong way is that I don't think a 15 year really needs supervision.

They heavily supervise all her homework which I find bizarre, as I think she really is old enough to be getting on with it herself. When we were her age we were making our money babysitting. AIBU to think it's a bit annoying to ask for a favour like that, when it's not really necessary, and would you let your 15 year old stay in for the evening (not overnight, just till say 11pm)?

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 17/05/2023 11:45

I used to babysit others' kids from when I was 14 - sometimes until early hours of the morning! You could offer to be available in an emergency, if you're local. Otherwise invite her for the weekend and let her have some fun with your family. Her parents sound very OTT.

JustDanceAddict · 17/05/2023 11:48

my DD was babysitting by 15 - granted we were at home or close by if anything ‘bad’ were to happen but a 15 year old does not need to be babysat (unless they’re home alone overnight, that is different, but I’d ask them to arrange a sleepover instead at a friend’s instead).

lostat · 17/05/2023 11:49

I would probably have said. She's welcome round here for the evening if she doesn't fancy being in her own all night but surely she doesn't need a babysitter.

JustDanceAddict · 17/05/2023 11:50

JMSA · 16/05/2023 15:42

I am guessing she's an only child!

I was an only of quite overprotective parents and was left in the evening at 15 - 35 years ago!!

Jonei · 17/05/2023 11:51

15 is fine to be left alone. As is 14. And probably 13, depending on the child.

JandalsAlways · 17/05/2023 11:58

Why can't she just stay at yours, so then no one is inconvenienced

SchoolTripDrama · 17/05/2023 12:20

YourApplePie · 16/05/2023 16:01

I don't leave my 15 yr old DD home alone for the evening... maybe an hour or 2 if I go to the gym or supermarket.

I was living alone at 15!

TragicMuse · 17/05/2023 12:40

I wouldn't leave my 15yp alone at the moment but I also don't get babysitters. They have severe mental health problems and are prone to sh, and that's too much to expect anyone else to deal with.

Maybe all your teens are entirely balanced and happy. Some aren't, and frankly a night out isn't worth the risk or the worry. It's not relaxing when one is constantly worried about what one will find back at home.

So my husband and I don't go out together. 🤷‍♀️

skyeisthelimit · 17/05/2023 13:32

@Theelephantinthecastle I know, and we are already starting to work on it. She is only just turned 15. I am planning on going out for an hour for a meeting and leaving her, things like that to make her realise that everything is fine and if it isn't that there are neighbours nearby and I am only 5 minutes away etc.

Pre covid, I was starting to come home from work later and later ,, in order that she was here on her own for an hour or so after school, and she was only 12 then, and seemed happy with the freedom at that point, but then covid hit and now I WFH all the time so that stopped.

To be fair, because I don't go out in the evenings very often myself, it is not something that she has had much of a chance to get used to as I am generally around every evening.

At the end of the day it needs to be worked on, but it would be wrong to go off and leave her scared until she is happy to be left.

Every child is different and has a different family life growing up which can affect them in different ways.

She is not as mature as a lot of 15 year olds, which is good in some ways [ grin] and not so good in other ways.

Istolethecookies · 17/05/2023 14:38

I was babysitting at that age… I would have been mortified if my parents still thought I needed a babysitter at 15. I would ask DS if she thinks she really needs one still or does she just want some company? If so, can she not invite a friend over instead?

Imisssleep2 · 17/05/2023 14:42

15 is plenty old enough to be home alone till 11pm, i used to babysit my neighbours 4year old when i was that age if not 14.

Snapdragonsoup · 17/05/2023 14:47

My 15 year old sometimes babysits his younger sister. Unless he was going to be out at the time or there was some other exceptional reason would not now book a babysitter.

chaosmaker · 17/05/2023 14:48

One of my friends was very overprotective and planned all her only child's activities and now that child - 22 this year is really not resilient at all. Your sister, OP is not doing your niece any favours and may be harming her as the real world won't be so accomodating as you know.
Don't babysit.

ASimpleLampoon · 17/05/2023 14:48

Normally I would say it's fine to leave them.

How does the child feel?
Anxious and would prefer company?
Or suffocated and controlled at being infantalised.

Depends on the child.

Fansandblankets · 17/05/2023 14:51

We’ve left our 15/16 year old overnight. We have cameras at home but she’s happy to be home alone. She did have our two dogs for company. I lived on my own at 16, getting myself to college everyday and everything!

crazycrofter · 17/05/2023 14:54

This is very strange! Ours were left at home together one evening a week from when they were 13 and 11. We were back around 10.30/latest 11pm and it was a school night, so they just chilled out/played xbox/did homework and then got ready for bed.

FrostyFifi · 17/05/2023 14:57

You get parents like this. An ex had a younger half-sister who was totally coddled by his step-mum, at 15 her mum would keep her sanitary towels for her and she'd ask if she needed one. At nineteen she decided to stay over at her boyfriend and the mum hit the roof and phoned the police, it was a big drama.
Bizarre people.

Sunflowers80 · 17/05/2023 14:58

At 15 I worked my own little job and went to Central London with friends regularly. Looked after myself in the morning when parents were working and even evenings. 1 month after my 16th birthday I went on holiday abroad , flying all by myself paid for by my little job I had, yes I stayed with relations but pretty much did everything myself, going to the beach , town , eating out in the evenings, they werent always home 😆 seriously is this what we've come to? babysitting 15 year olds?

Trees6 · 17/05/2023 15:02

I feel so sorry for her. Poor kid

FlounderingFruitcake · 17/05/2023 15:02

They sound completely insane. My 15YO niece babysits my 5YO and 2YO!

RHOShitVille · 17/05/2023 15:03

I was definitely left alone at 15.

But.

I have a 15 year old and they and their friends are definitely much less independent than I was. Covid hit just as they were going off independently - shopping, walking around alone, preparing to use public transport. Now, most of my teen and their friends seem to have lost a lot of confidence and skills in terms of independence. They all retreated with Covid and have sort of stayed there.

I see a lot of other kids of similar age out and about though, so it is obviously not universal.

My 15 year old probably wouldn't like a whole night alone - perhaps an evening for a couple of hours, but they really have got used to us being home a lot more. They do have mental health issues though, so I pick my battles.

jimmyjammy001 · 17/05/2023 15:03

20 years ago when I was 15/16 I was going out into town with mates for a Night out getting back at 2am, how times have changed! Having a babysitter at 15, that poor 15 year old!

Strawberrydelight78 · 17/05/2023 15:05

Very odd I assumed you ment a whole weekend. Could she not invite a friend around or go to a friend's if she doesn't want to be alone? I'm sure most mature NT 15 year olds with no additional needs would be embarrassed if they're friends find out they need a sitter for a few hours.

Changes17 · 17/05/2023 15:06

Of course she should be fine to be left, but maybe your DN or your DSis doesn't have the confidence because they've never tried. My 12yo gets herself into our city and back on the bus. I'm sure your DN could as well. Just say you can't one time - maybe when the weather's good and it's not too late. Suggest she could get the bus, or stay in, on her own. Once she realises she can, there'll be no stopping her.

PS I once stood behind a uni student in the post office who wanted to send a parcel and had literally no idea how to – learned helplessness can go on for years.

jellybe · 17/05/2023 15:09

My 14 year old has started babysitting. At 15 it's time to let them grow up a bit and have some responsibility for themselves. Sounds very OTT to me.

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