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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 15 is too old for a babysitter?

161 replies

LadyGodiva4 · 16/05/2023 15:02

My sister has asked me to babysit my 15 year old (who has no disability/learning difficulties) this weekend. It's not terribly convenient for me, but I will do it as I generally think it's nice to be helpful to family where possible, but what rubs me up the wrong way is that I don't think a 15 year really needs supervision.

They heavily supervise all her homework which I find bizarre, as I think she really is old enough to be getting on with it herself. When we were her age we were making our money babysitting. AIBU to think it's a bit annoying to ask for a favour like that, when it's not really necessary, and would you let your 15 year old stay in for the evening (not overnight, just till say 11pm)?

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 16/05/2023 18:00

God, this is my OH’s EW.

She insists the kids - 14 & 17 have a babysitter when she goes out. Absolutely ridiculous. A 17 YO having a babysitter. I shit you not….

The kids don’t have a babysitter when at ours - we trust them to be sensible.

A think I was babysitting myself at 15!

Whapples · 16/05/2023 18:00

I think it totally depends on the child. I was fine at 15 and would have loved an evening on my own. But a relative I know, who is actually a bit older than that, wouldn’t be left alone due to MH. They would have to have someone there who can help in an emergency. It could be your niece has a lot of anxiety and this is the way to mitigate it. I know that lots of relatives didn’t know about my relatives MH use a long time as they didn’t want to tell people. I think there are probably reasons and if you genuinely can’t do it (if you need time for yourself even) then say that as that’s fair but I wouldn’t assume it’s a parenting issue.

Topseyt123 · 16/05/2023 18:04

How ridiculous. A 15 year old with no known special needs is perfectly capable of being left on their own for a few hours in the evening.

You admit that this is impinging upon your only free time so I do think that it would be reasonable to say something about it. Personally, I would begin objecting to it. It seems your sister hasn't realised that her daughter is very nearly grown up now. Remind her of what freedoms you both enjoyed at that age and start saying no to her. Start questioning whether this is really necessary or not.

This is a girl who could go to uni within the next three years (if she is so inclined). What will your sister do then? Go with her to supervise her? She needs to start slowly letting go and loosening the reins.

squidgybits · 16/05/2023 18:05

A 15 year old could be out doing a babysitting job, not being babysat

Isittimetogohomeyet · 16/05/2023 18:09

Could it be she wants to see you? My DD is perfectly capable of staying on her own but will often say she'd like go to Grandparents or her Aunts to spend a bit of time on her own with them

LynetteScavo · 16/05/2023 18:10

Some 15yo get very nervous about being in an empty house alone- could thins be the reason? If so she can come around to you, and your DSis can pick her up on her way home. But I also think being alone in a house as a teen and getting scared of intruders and ghosts is character building Grin

RomanMum · 16/05/2023 18:17

@LynetteScavo makes a good point. Ours doesn't like being alone in the house and she's a sensible 13yr old.

Not happy about the only child stereotyping going on upthread.

WonderingWanda · 16/05/2023 18:19

This is crazy, 15 yo are normally the babysitters not requiring a baby sitter.

Dagnabit · 16/05/2023 18:22

Bloody hell, poor kid! I would leave my 11yo home alone for an hour or 2 and my 13yo can be left for a day/evening and is always out and about (not answering her phone).

with regards to ‘babysitting’ - just say no!

Bellaboo01 · 16/05/2023 18:24

LadyGodiva4 · 16/05/2023 15:02

My sister has asked me to babysit my 15 year old (who has no disability/learning difficulties) this weekend. It's not terribly convenient for me, but I will do it as I generally think it's nice to be helpful to family where possible, but what rubs me up the wrong way is that I don't think a 15 year really needs supervision.

They heavily supervise all her homework which I find bizarre, as I think she really is old enough to be getting on with it herself. When we were her age we were making our money babysitting. AIBU to think it's a bit annoying to ask for a favour like that, when it's not really necessary, and would you let your 15 year old stay in for the evening (not overnight, just till say 11pm)?

I wouldn't leave my 15 year old alone for a weekend. I would perhaps ask a close family member to look after her.
If you can't then just say you're busy.

pinkyredrose · 16/05/2023 18:29

HereAndNowAgain · 16/05/2023 16:53

Maybe get a 15y old to babysit her. That might get the message across.

😂

MakesMeFeelSad · 16/05/2023 18:34

Bellaboo01 · 16/05/2023 18:24

I wouldn't leave my 15 year old alone for a weekend. I would perhaps ask a close family member to look after her.
If you can't then just say you're busy.

Show quote history

It's not for the weekend though, it's an evening until about 11 pm

katseyes7 · 16/05/2023 18:42

I was babysitting when l was thirteen.
Roll on 10 years, though, (l was 23!) when my parents went on holiday my mother said "Do you want your auntie to come and stay with you?" (!)
I declined, but she lived very near to us and turned up every day. It felt overbearing and intrusive and like l wasn't being trusted.

My cousin's adult (in her early 40s now) daughter has a degree of SEN, although she works. When they go on holiday she goes to stay with her dad's brother and his wife. I'm not sure whether that's at her parents instigation or hers, though.

In the case mentioned, l'd say it should depend on the type of SEN and the degree, and whether she feels comfortable on her own for a particular period of time.

Not just because her parent/s want her supervised.

ferneytorro · 16/05/2023 18:45

AnnPerkins · 16/05/2023 15:47

Hate the only child comments Angry

We leave our 13yo only child on his own.

yep, it's a right thing on here isn't it. Less so in real life, I am an only my husband is an only and our daughter is an only - no one has ever commented!

My only , for context, is 13 and is amazingly indpendent. I think people have to find a reason for everything don't they on here! It's the same as people Being an aresehole - on the spectrum/dementia etc - nope just your common or garden arsehole!

Lemoncurd · 16/05/2023 18:51

A while back someone who I'd only once very briefly met 2 years previously, messaged to ask if one of my children might babysit theirs. They said they were 16 and 11.

My children were 17 & 19 and the 17 year old freaked out by the idea of going to 'look after' a 16 year old of the opposite sex!

I'm sure they had their reasons but no idea what they were, think I might have been anxious if they had actually gone as it seemed unusual.

Florenz · 16/05/2023 19:58

I was working at 15, as were many, maybe most kids I grew up with. What on earth has happened?

bellac11 · 16/05/2023 20:02

My god I was baby sitting younger than 15 and by 15 I had a Saturday job which required late shifts which finished at 11, with an hours bus ride home in south London.

LaMaG · 16/05/2023 20:30

You'll have to stop agreeing OP! They shouldn't be asking you it's terribly unfair. And the lifts too, if she is anxious about getting the bus that's because she has never done it! If your sister says she gets anxious on her own maybe suggest she get a babysitting job! Also maybe she could hang out at yours instead, then it's not babysitting just staying with aunt. I would not leave my 15 yr old overnight alone though because I wouldn't trust him, and even if I did I wouldn't trust his friends. We have family do coming up with chance to stay overnight but we will come home late 1am ish as I think its better all round but he will be home alone all eve.

LaMaG · 16/05/2023 20:31

Lemoncurd · 16/05/2023 18:51

A while back someone who I'd only once very briefly met 2 years previously, messaged to ask if one of my children might babysit theirs. They said they were 16 and 11.

My children were 17 & 19 and the 17 year old freaked out by the idea of going to 'look after' a 16 year old of the opposite sex!

I'm sure they had their reasons but no idea what they were, think I might have been anxious if they had actually gone as it seemed unusual.

That combo sounds like a lot more likely to be "trouble" than the children being left alone.

Theelephantinthecastle · 16/05/2023 20:34

Surely if your 15 year old is really anxious about being left alone, you tackle that problem by gradually getting them used to it or getting them counseling or something? You can't just keep getting them a babysitter indefinitely

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 16/05/2023 20:38

Is it just for the evening/day or overnight? I think it’s unnecessary if daytime or evening but can understand it if it’s overnight as that’s a bit more borderline and I might want to wait till 16 before leaving them all night.

TrustyRusty68 · 17/05/2023 10:53

Whilst I would leave my almost 15 year old & have no problem with it, perhaps there’s underlying facts you don’t know about. Perhaps they’re anxious about being alone, perhaps there’s some mental health issues that they haven’t advertised to the whole family? Maybe ask your sister if there’s a reason she needs company when alone at night?

skyeisthelimit · 17/05/2023 10:53

Every child is different. DD is 15 but hates being left on her own in the evening when its dark. As a parent it would be wrong to go out and leave her upset and scared. If she has a friend with her then she is fine.

At 15 I was out babysitting younger kids.

adulthumanfemalemum · 17/05/2023 11:27

My daughter has been babysitting others from 14!

Theelephantinthecastle · 17/05/2023 11:35

skyeisthelimit · 17/05/2023 10:53

Every child is different. DD is 15 but hates being left on her own in the evening when its dark. As a parent it would be wrong to go out and leave her upset and scared. If she has a friend with her then she is fine.

At 15 I was out babysitting younger kids.

I am not trying to be snarky but how will this work long term?

If she is still scared at 16, will you still get a friend round every time or not go out? 17? 18? At what point would you start to encourage her to find a way past it?

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