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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex partner refusing to return house keys

53 replies

Loolala · 16/05/2023 08:41

Ex partner no longer lives with me, the house is mine soley.

however he is now ignoring all requests I have made for the return of my house keys

is there anything I can do (except the obvious of change the locks)

OP posts:
littleripper · 16/05/2023 08:42

Change the locks. If you get them back he may have made a copy, I'd never feel secure again.
What is the matter with these men?

heldinadream · 16/05/2023 08:43

Can't think of anything that's guaranteed to work except change the locks. Why wouldn't you just do that? Simplest quickest solution and you no longer have to bother to engage with him.

Bloopsie · 16/05/2023 08:45

Change the locks, he could have made dozen copies

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 16/05/2023 08:50

It can be cheaper and easier to change the barrel of a lock than to cut new keys. E.g. £6.98 gets you a new lock barrel and three keys. Watch a few YouTube videos on how to do it, it’s usually just a couple of screws, slide out the old barrel and replace.

https://www.toolstation.com/6-pin-single-euro-cylinder/p49510

6 Pin Single Euro Cylinder 40mm Nickel | Toolstation

• For key access from one side of the door only • Standard security level • Supplied with three steel keys • Sizes are overall lengths Available in single, double and thumbturn variants, and polished brass and polished nickel finishes.

https://www.toolstation.com/6-pin-single-euro-cylinder/p49510

Loolala · 16/05/2023 08:51

I will be changing the locks. I meant like can I report to police? (There is a history of abuse so didn't know if this would be worth logging aswell)

OP posts:
DiscoBeat · 16/05/2023 08:52

Change the locks. If you get them back he may have made a copy, I'd never feel secure again.
100% this - and doing so means you don't have to engage with him, he thinks he has power over you but he doesn't with worthless keys.

Sissynova · 16/05/2023 08:54

You need to change the locks anyway so it doesn’t really matter what he’s doing.
Change the locks and stop contacting him, don’t engage.

caringcarer · 16/05/2023 09:04

Change the locks.

Ingrowncrotchhair · 16/05/2023 09:07

Loolala · 16/05/2023 08:51

I will be changing the locks. I meant like can I report to police? (There is a history of abuse so didn't know if this would be worth logging aswell)

yes do report to the police so it can be logged as part of a wider pattern of behaviour

mainsfed · 16/05/2023 09:07

Loolala · 16/05/2023 08:51

I will be changing the locks. I meant like can I report to police? (There is a history of abuse so didn't know if this would be worth logging aswell)

If you have someone assigned might as well let them know.

Pp point about him having made a copy is good.

Topbird29 · 16/05/2023 09:10

Think you need to change the locks - as pp said he may have made copies. And I think that it may invalidate your insurance if you had to make a claim and they found out spare keys were not in your possession.

CaroleSinger · 16/05/2023 09:27

In all fairness with a history of abuse I don't understand why you wouldn't instantly have changed the locks the second he left. What are you waiting for?

SpacePotato · 16/05/2023 09:30

Yes, change locks asap but also look at getting a ring doorbell or cctv by the front door if you haven't already.

kittensinthekitchen · 16/05/2023 09:32

Change the locks.

Stop communicating with him.

NoProbLlamaa · 16/05/2023 09:33

Change the locks

I had an ex take a copy of my keys and when I came home early one day I caught him hiding in my house. Don’t risk it

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/05/2023 09:36

Yes, I’d report to, all helps build a picture should one ever be needed.

Skybluepinky · 16/05/2023 09:42

Just change the locks, u have no idea how many copies he has made and who he has given them to.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 16/05/2023 09:42

Report to police and get a lawyers letter.

SarahSmith2023 · 16/05/2023 09:45

Loolala · 16/05/2023 08:51

I will be changing the locks. I meant like can I report to police? (There is a history of abuse so didn't know if this would be worth logging aswell)

Why would you want to waste the police time over this? 'He's being an annoying idiot' isn't report worthy, especially when they say 'change those locks love' & you say 'I'm going to'.

you're going to change the lock, just do it & stop giving him head space.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/05/2023 09:46

SarahSmith2023 · Today 09:45
Loolala · Today 08:51

I will be changing the locks. I meant like can I report to police? (There is a history of abuse so didn't know if this would be worth logging aswell)

“Why would you want to waste the police time over this? 'He's being an annoying idiot' isn't report worthy, especially when they say 'change those locks love' & you say 'I'm going to'. “

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

SarahSmith2023 · 16/05/2023 09:46

PTSDBarbiegirl · 16/05/2023 09:42

Report to police and get a lawyers letter.

Because the dickhead don't return a key?

Be serious. If people are doing shit like that, it's no wonder they haven't got time to attend crime in action.

billy1966 · 16/05/2023 09:47

Absolutely call 101.

Spell it out.
YOUR home.
His abuse.
His threats.
His refusal to return your keys.
Your fear of him harming you.

Spell it out and ask for a marker to be put on your address.

Give his work address to them.

Video bell asap.

Gtsr443 · 16/05/2023 09:48

NoProbLlamaa · 16/05/2023 09:33

Change the locks

I had an ex take a copy of my keys and when I came home early one day I caught him hiding in my house. Don’t risk it

FFS what is wrong with these men? 😡

Change your locks OP and get one of those camera doorbell things. If the fucker tries anything call the police immediately. Him holding on to the keys is a form of control and intimidation.

Jarstastic · 16/05/2023 09:48

Get a locksmith in today and have the barrels changed. Get a ring doorbell and set it to pick up any motion up.

If there are other access points to your house and there are outside lights, replace with ring lights so any motion will be picked up. if there aren’t existing light you can use the wiring for, get an electrician.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/05/2023 09:49

SarahSmith2023 · Today 09:46
PTSDBarbiegirl · Today 09:42

Report to police and get a lawyers letter.
Because the dickhead don't return a key?

Be serious. If people are doing shit like that, it's no wonder they haven't got time to attend crime in action”

Read the thread, there’s history. Your posts are pretty offensive.