A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

Perfectly valid life choice, although I agree it is an unusual one. Her challenge will be finding someone to support it, as she is now finding out.

We say and think a lot of things at 23 that would shock us at 43.
Maybe this young woman has an idealised view of being a 50’s style wife.
My dm worked from me being 6 as we were so poor. My home life was miserable, a chaotic house, not much to eat and a dm who shouted continuously.
The thought of staying home as a dw and caring for my babies full time was like heaven to a teenage me. The reality was very different and although I only worked part time after dc I always worked.

This was me at that age, 30 years ago. I was basing the expectation on my parents' lifestyle, as my own mother had never worked. I had to change my attitude pretty quickly when it was hard to find a man who was willing to go along with this notion.

There's a whole trend on insta at the moment of the 'stay at home girlfriends' or wealthy young men. No children, young people early twenties. These young women spend their days at the gym, shopping and drinking green juice. No financial security.

It sounds like this woman isn't thinking she'll stop working after children though, but after marriage. So not a stay at home mother.

It does seem to be a trend. Plenty of articles like this

https://www.standard.co.uk/insider/stay-at-home-girlfriend-trend-dangerous-social-media-b1053515.html

There are lots of SAHDs. Honestly sometimes MN is like being in a time warp. It’s nobodies business and certainly not intrinsically better for women to “work part time” while still picking up all the other work.

@SouthLondonMum22 Agree with this. Many SAHM who stay at home to further their DH's career are inadvertently undermining the prospects of other women who don't have a partner at home FT

I think we're heading for a more equal society where both parents will work sensible hours and do their share of household tasks / childcare. At least I hope that's the direction of travel

I would feel I failed as a mother if my daughter decided she wanted another person to essentially pay for her life and not contribute financially to a household

And this is nothing to do with raising children, this is about a SAHW not being a mum

Agree with others that she has likely been watching those (made up) videos on Tik Tok

And all this faux shock about talking about an acquaintance. This happens all the time in real life. It’s called gossip

For the zillionth time the person in the OP wants to be a stay at home wife. Not an SAHM. She wants to stop work when she gets married. What would you think of a man who wanted to be a stay at home husband?

Unless it's actually your son, why are you at all interested? Nothing at all to do with you.

Why do you care?
File this under “other woman has different values to me” and move on.

I doubt your daughter is going to be influenced be her brother’s friend’s ex…. Bit of a stretch there op to justify putting down someone else which is sending more of a negative message to her tbh

So many young people can't afford a house unless they both work so unless she finds a man with a very big income I can't see her getting her wish. I think he's had a lucky escape Op, his ex doesn't want to be an equal partner, she wants to be kept like a child.

Sounds like they have. OP just want to slag a stranger off on the Internet.

I agree it's sad, yes, for a young woman to have so little desire for financial independence or ambition. Ambition doesn't have to mean "getting to the top" by the way, but I just mean to have some kind of work ethic, desire to achieve something or to well, grow up really. It's anathema to me.

I'm not sure why you're so concerned about this, OP.

If you're afraid that your own daughter will be contaminated by association and decide that she wants to become a "kept woman", I wouldn't worry. However, I'd try to avoid your slightly sneery attitude towards other women's choices rubbing off on her. If your friend's son's ex girlfriend (which is a lot of removes, hence I don't see why you're so bothered by it) wants to be a SAHW, that's her choice, so long as she can find a man who buys into the same narrative.

I’m not sure a man who actively wants a stay at home wife would be a man worth having anyway.

I don't think you have to be "invested" to comment on it hypothetically. Also what would people say if it were a young man? Wannabe cocklodger, that's what.

I love being at home now but I worked for many years and am financially independent. I was a SAHM for a number of years too and as much as I liked it the loss of financial independence weighed heavily on me, you literally have to rely on another person to provide for you just like a child has to rely on their parents. I would never encourage a young woman to sacrifice her financial independence, if the relationship goes wrong you are trapped and have very limited choices. Maybe this woman should focus on building a nest egg so she can ‘retire’ at a much earlier age instead?

@KimberleyClark i wouldn’t think anything if everyone was happy.

Well, I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be devastated if any daughter I had lacked such curiosity about the world, such ambition, such independence, that her sole aim in life was to be looked after by a man.

And being totally honest, I’d feel I’d completely failed as a parent of a girl.

I don't really see what the issue is here. Plenty of people (male and female) would like to not work and focus on other things. I think sometimes people forget that humans didn't evolve in the capitalist society we all live in now and some people just aren't that fussed about material things. There might be a trend for Stay at Home Wives now amongst women but there are definitely a lot of people running passion businesses that make peanuts or eternal students etc that have effectively opted out of making a money for a living.

Are these people wrong? Not sure really. This woman that you mention OP has been consistently honest about her intentions and isn't hoodwinking anyone. What is the difference between this and someone pursuing a career that they love that has very low earning potential? Ultimately both will probably be reliant on someone else (the state of their partner) to sustain them financially. At least you know what you're getting with the former whereas the latter seem more 'plausible' people even though the financial situation is similar.

I don't know why the ops getting a hard time for even discussing it. These boards are full of people musing over issues which don't directly affect them.

It does sound like this girl has bought into this social media trend...there's lots of videos of these stay at home wives and girlfriends. Of course it looks like a wonderful life...I'd love it in theory. In practice, it's highly unlikely she'll find a man who's happy with this set up. To be honest, there's head of attractive young women with careers and jobs who are looking for a man to settle down with. Why would they choose her over them?

I’d especially feel I’d failed if she was labouring under the misapprehension that work was a want, and not a need.

And fuck me, are there some disingenuous posters on this thread.