A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

It might look like that to lots of people. That's why most people would be a SAHM or SAHW if they had the option. I love it.

Interestingly there was a thread a while back, literally asking that question. "If you could afford it, would you be a SAHM". It wasn't specific to actually having DC, just more of a "would you stay home and not have to work, if you could".

About 2000 people voted, with (I think 84% might have been 86?) that absolutely yes they would. 4 or so posters then banged on the whole thread about how SAHW are lazy, entitled, lowly, freeloading servants. And they were the voice of women, don't you know. That's how most women saw it, don't you know. Not dissimilar to this thread.

Kept glossing over that there was a big banner at the top of the page stating 4/5 women disagreed with them, and their preference would be a SAHM/W. Just kept on and on, about how awful it is to be a SAHW, but couldn't acknowledge that it's the desire of the large number of women who had voted otherwise.

Your son would be a cocklodger or sponger.
But hey if he was happy and someone was happy funding him all his life not working. Hey ho.

Let me know if he finds the mug.

See that doesn't seem particularly leisurely to me...it sounds exhausting. I must be quite unproductive or I've got used to having older DC!

Today I did the school run and spent my six childfree hours doing laundry, tidying up the kitchen, did a bit of ironing, cooked lunch as DH WFH and hoovered downstairs. I probably spend way too much time on here to get anything else done!

It's exactly this.

People hate admitting they want what they haven't got, especially when someone else has. So they act like it's the last thing they would ever want.

I remember one of my friends, starting his business and saying when he made it, he would buy himself a black Lamborghini. It took years, and he worked his arse off. And he got it.

We were all so happy for him. It was such a lovely looking thing and just flamboyantly unnecessary and loud. He took us out and we zoomed about, it was really joyous. He was quite emotional.

His sick with jealousy BIL "didn't fancy a go, thanks" and later said "Actually I wouldn't even take one if they were giving them away, because of the fuel costs."

Striking similarity to the "well, I can't think of anything worse than doing what you want all day, oh no, you couldn't pay me to do it..."

@InceyWinceySpidy

No because she said women

Not sahm.

I wonder what happened in your life to make you so angry and unhappy at other people's happiness.

@Fiddlededeefiddlededoh… you do realise that men that abuse women are not exclusively men who support SAHM…. Men in any relationship can do this….

For a SAHM who has nothing when forced to leave the family home, they can access refuge accomodation and means tested benefits, with a bridging loan/grant until support comes through. If she was married she can get the usual divorce settlement expected where they were dependent - CM/spousal maintenance/part of pension/possibly the house if there are still kids until 18 whom she has primary responsibility for because she’ll be deemed the vulnerable one without capacity to replace said house. If educated prior to marriage she has options straight away, if not and struggling to work, she can train - and it will be funded pretty generously.

Whereas for the average working woman who has been abused and is forced to leave. She will have stored up money to leave or have savings and this money will be spent on rent/go towards deposit for a considerably smaller property as can’t afford same as previous. She will get sod all support and may be ineligible for the majority of means tested benefits to help her and her children because of the money she has made (after 6k it’s reduced; 16k+ = nada). She’ll get half the house, if comparable wages and kiss goodbye to part of pension/spousal maintenance as not dependent. CM less…

So all this SAHM is completely screwed stuff… I just don’t buy it. There is more support and potential pay off than for a working woman who has gone through the same mistreatment. And a couple of years after the break both of these women could be on comparable wages.

The only way it is going to work out better for the working Mum is if she herself is the breadwinner or high earner in her own right which gives a lot of options. For someone on say 24-35k per year with a couple of kids, the system is not set up to support them in the event of difficulty.

She said SAHP.

And then used "women" because that's what we're talking about. It could equally have applied to "men".

Can you really not see that. Really?

@InceyWinceySpidy

I dont doubt most mums of young children would like to work less. Or even not at all. For a short time anyway.

But thats not what this thread is about. This thread is about women who never want to work

I dont think that applies to the majority of women. Even given the chance.

😄

@InceyWinceySpidy

No.

I'm not even sure what point you're trying to make?

Splitting of assets in a divorce isn't based around women being a sahm

I think it's the older DC. With our littles, we're suddenly back in the midst of high energy running around. I'm certainly a lot more active around the home post DTwins than when it was just DS. I find I've got more energy, certainly in the mornings, although it does dwindle in the afternoon. I bother myself to do a lot more that I just wouldn't have bothered with in the past.

I used the word twice in one post, but I haven’t ‘repeatedly’ called you a victim.

See, you’re doing it again and making stuff up. Why? 😳

Do you only skim read things?

It was regarding not working, where people often use the generic term "SAHM", but what was being discussed, was not working, irrespective of whether there were any children or not.

And 4 out of 5 women voted that's what they would be doing if they could afford it.

@InceyWinceySpidy

Do you only skim read things?

Yes

Oh well. If a poll on mumsnet said it, it must be true lol

I think the idea of something can often seem better than the reality.

I think most people would get pretty fed up pretty quickly.

Unemployment has greater risk of depression and mh issues for a reason

There is actual research that shows that most women would rather work when they are actually unemployed/unable to

Joseph Rowantree foundation

Yes, twice in one post. Then again in another.

That's called repetition.

That's a shame. We got ours when we were young, before any preexisting conditions could kick in. It does cover suicide. I don't know about war and terrorism. It doesn't cover extreme sports (fair enough). We have recently reduced it but we always had enough cover that if one of us had got sick or died in an accident, the other would have had enough to choose to stay at home. It's been reduced now as the premiums rose as we got older and were becoming too much. So we redid our sums and worked out what meets our needs for the same event now.

Ok that's great.

The recent survey here, a completely random sample, showed the absolute opposite.

Why women? Men don't particularly like working either. Nobody does. Me... I enjoy my job, but if I win the lottery I will be taking on only projects that I like and telling people off for their corporate BS.

However, I also value my independence. So I wouldn't consider being 'supported by a man' affording it, unless he was a very high earner. It only takes one injury, illness etc to scupper the family finances. And as a high earner myself I've seen the effects of stress, burnout, not to mention people running off with their side pieces.

@ToK1 because spending money is nice! Budgeting down to the wire is soul destroying.

Again, this young woman has said she's 'not materialistic'. Until you haven't been poor you really don't know what a grind it is. Staying at home and being financially savvy can save you money, yes but only up to a point.

@InceyWinceySpidy

No it didn't lol

You've no idea about any of those votes and what they mean

A poll on mumsnet is not research

😆

@Fizbosshoes if the girl’s family are as described with absent father etc. She will have had her undergrad fees covered and full loan of £8,400 - 13,022 per year (depending on where she lives and if still with parents). For the masters the loan is £12,167.

And she will probably never pay any of it back as before she’ll earn enough to, she’ll get married and never work again…

Her mother won’t be particularly concerned about her not doing anything with her degree, because she likely hasn’t paid to support her daughter. The gov have.

@AllegraWalterJones

Yes, it is a bit of a mc conceit to pretend that sahm/w is the ideal every woman yearns for.

Makes you wonder who they are trying to convince

@Robinni

Do you think that's desirable?

To rely on the state?

Also, this isn't the same thing.

Asking people in poverty (who this foundation works with), would you rather be able to work or not be able to work, is not the same thing as asking someone "if you could afford it, would you like to stay at home all day"