A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

Have you never met a sahd/h?

I think it’s one thing to retire it’s another to never work your whole life.

She’s up front and has a plan for what to do if it doesn’t happen.

What was her plan for what do do if it doesn't work out? I must have missed that.

On the basis you still acted like you couldn't even remember the very long post I already addressed your previous comment on. But, oh, look at that, you've conveniently remembered I like flowers, which was in that post, and choose to make comments like "can you explain why flower arranging is so successful to your household" , cherry picking one sentence from the many things mentioned, entirely out of context, just to be obtuse... Nah, you're ok.

I just put flowers in vases all day. DH can't understand how he functioned without them.

Tedious.

The OP is talking about a 23 year old who doesn't have children and wants a man to pay for all her expenses so she doesn't have to work.

Well that's just a straight lie isn't it. Let me fix that for you.

I told you I had no desire to engage in conversation with you any further, after your quite disgusting comments that "women like me" were seen as lesser beings by their husbands. unequal people, given no respect.

Don't lie and say it was because you merely asked a question. I'm happy to go back and find the post showing this.

@InceyWinceySpidy

Do you think 'high pressure' roles in finance are the only jobs available?

I'd love to be a stay at home mum!!! (Sadly not to be!!)

Their parents. One told me "she didn't think working was for her" !

I read that post and I was genuinely baffled by how you spend your time. Not judging the things you do but you have three DC. I think you said two aren't at full time school yet? Plenty of sahms in that situation post on here that they're on their knees and exhausted and run ragged by looking after their kids and keeping the house in order. Yet you made it seem like you live the life of reilly. My kids are at school and I don't seem to have the time to do half the things you described!

Given that finance is my background and where I hold my qualifications, I'm well aware of the variety of roles, but thanks for checking

@InceyWinceySpidy

You could not work in finance at all. High pressured or other wise.

It's not a binary choice between not working and a high pressured role in finance

You do seem a tad defensive though

It's different if you're married to someone and are making decisions about your future together, ie, who's taking responsibility for what and when. The cock lodger is a layabout that does nothing all day.

A SAHP looks after the children, house and is meant to support her husband in his career which is why women are entitled to 50% of everything in divorce, as it reflects their contribution to the relationship.

I don't agree with women sitting on their arses all day but most women don't do this, even SAHPs. It's between the husband and wife and so long as both partners are happy who cares.

Fair question. A mixture. My parents gave me a house when I quite young. Ex husband and I then invested a lot in BTL property. When we divorced, he kept his pension and various other assets and I kept our marital home and the BTL properties and their income. I am pretty well qualified (Oxbridge First, 30 years ago), but never had any desire to work.

Ok, which bit baffles you?

From memory, that post was regarding things that I enjoy about being a SAHM/SAHW, that do not relate to the DC...as our decision for me not to work, is not based on the DC being home. Hence, I didn't mention any of the child related stuff.

The eldest is FTE. Youngest are twins. In nursery part time.

Today (sans twins) I got some growbags to plant the tomato seedlings I picked up with DNan this weekend. I stripped their beds, and ours, and for reasons known only to myself decided to wash all 9 pillows from our bed and only half are dry! I did some online shopping and bought some swimwear as we go on hols very shortly. Then I sifted through DTwins clothes and sorted into "donate" and "load on eBay" (I am determined to get on top of this, there clothes are engulfing the house). I made some eggs benedict, and watched a murder mystery. I've got two false flower arrangements from Neptune and I want to jazz them up for the summer, so I washed out the vases and will pop in on Thursday and put something new together with the woman there. Then I put another murder mystery on, and ran a bath (you can see the bedroom TV from our ensuite bath) and chilled out for a bit. Then I changed the gel polish on my toes. I popped into town to get a coconut hot chocolate and some fresh air. Then home, dinner for everyone. Bed time.

Tomorrow, with twins. I've arranged a playdate with my aunt and her granddaughter, from 9.30 to 11.30. There's a great soft play where they can run feral and it's pretty empty on weekdays. Then we're home again, and I've invited DM for 12.30 and I'll do lunch for us all. 2pm, DNan will arrive to help the littles plant the tomato plants. DH should be home by 3.30, so weather pending, we'll possibly walk down to the ducks. Dinner, bath, bed.

Thurs, (sans twins) I'll pop to Neptune. And then to DM because she can't decide on a carpet. I might do some exercise. I'll go through my summer clothes to see what needs replacing for hols. I'll do the rest of the stairs with my new spot wash machine that I'm embarrassingly obsessed with.

So, I don't think it's the life of Riley. But I do love it. DTwins can be relentless at times, but that's twins. Because I get plenty of breaks with their nursery sessions, I rarely get to that point of feeling run ragged, but of course there have been days like that.

@BounceyB

....but this isn't about parenting, it's about someone without kids.
At 23 most people probably don't have a house or many assets so expecting someone else to pay for/provide everything
Most SAHP I'd imagine have worked prior to having kids

Sorry, where do I state that the only jobs available are "high pressured finance?"

@InceyWinceySpidy

You didn't state it.

But your comment about your children following either your life or your ohs (non gendered ofc, thats just a non influencing coincidence) implied it

I wonder if there was an option in life to have a secure, not poverty level, basic income, how many people would give up work or reduce hours to minimal regardless of being single or in relationship. We work to provide an income to be able to live and provide ourselves with a certain level of lifestyle, be it keeping head above water through to house with room for pony. The number of people who hate their jobs and only do it for the hard cash far outweigh the those who enjoy working.

I can see a certain level of attraction that the OPs subject has for her plan, but the reality is if it goes belly up, the 23yr old may find herself in poverty later. Not so attractive proposition, then.

@BounceyB

Men are entitled to 50% in a divorce too.

It has nothing to do with some women choosing to be sahms

@InceyWinceySpidy

Seems pretty Riley like to me

She very clearly stated that she meant SAHP gets 50% as an acknowledgement to what they have contributed outside of the workplace. Happening to use the word "women" as that's what's predominantly discussed here.

Did you really not see that?

I think far more people than would admit to it.

Whilst some people have careers they love I think they’re considerably outnumbered by people with careers they don’t love or jobs that pay the bills.

Indeed. Double standards.

Not every woman will. You can't assume every woman will be Mrs Hinch and every man who stay ls at home will be a lazy slob who wants to sponge off his wife or girlfriend.