A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

Sorry but if a man wants a wife to stay at home and do 100% of the domestic tasks, as much as he might share finances equally and be nice to his wife, he absolutely does not see women as equals. He’s basically saying “I don’t want to do any parenting, life admin or chores”, and I think anyone would take a pretty dim view of a man who openly said that. The other side of the same coin is women wanting to be SAHWs. Why on earth do you want to enable men to opt out of home/family life?

Lol - I didn’t say your husband doesn’t see you as an equal. I pointed out that a person entering into a relationship with someone they will need to entirely financially support their whole life doesn’t want an equal relationship. They want to be in control.

but yes, you seem to realize that fits your husband to a tee. Hope you one day can have a more equal relationship.

How on earth would you know how our family works?

I'm "answerable" to my husband. What an awful imagination some of you have.

I'm a sahm... kids are teens. DH supports us obviously. I've worked in the past but I've never had a career nor particularly wanted one despite being well educated. I enjoy staying at home and cooking, cleaning and not rushing around.

However, I still think it's utterly bizarre and entitled to begin a relationship with the expectation that he will financially support you from the start.

Or the have enough life insurance to cover it.

you don’t though
if you suddenly decided you didn’t want to do the cooking and/or cleaning, he would presumably have something to say
you think you are answerable to no one but you are - just to your husband rather than a line manager or whatever

Yes. An unlike someone with a career, unlikely to be able to find another role on the same terms if this one makes you redundant!

Cool. How have I been an ‘arse’? For pointing out the bleed in’ obvious that a 23-year-old wanting to do fuck all is different from a woman with children deciding mutually with her partner that she won’t work?

This! I thought i’d entered a parallel universe reading some of the comments here.

Meh, it’s her life. Either she’ll find someone who’s ok with the arrangement or she’ll have to adapt accordingly. I work full time and have a career but I’d still be fucked if my partner left me or died. I’d probably have to sell the house and go and live with my parents or rent a room in a share house with a bunch of 20 somethings.

It's a wormhole back to the 1950s.

One of those you can cover. Decide how much life insurance you need to cover the gap. For both of you.

Same. I’m self employed, set my own hours, rarely work a 5 day week, take naps in the middle of the day or a 3 hour lunch if I want. I’m taking about 8 weeks holiday this year and will be abroad working from a beach too because I can do my work from anywhere. I have hobbies I love and friends in similar circumstances that I can see for leisurely coffees and drinks during the week. My life looks exactly as I want it, and best of all, I don’t need someone else to pay for it. It’s a good feeling knowing I’ve achieved all this myself (and no, I didn’t have financial help from parents either before anyone asks, and I live alone so I’m not depending on anyone to share my living costs either)

@InceyWinceySpidy your posting style seems familiar to me. Are you the poster with ADHD who paints and has ‘trad wife’ leanings?

Life insurance does have exceptions. A few sports, drugs related stuff, suicide, sometimes war and terrorism isnt covered

Obviously better to have it than not, but I certainly have a widowed friend for whom the insurance did not pay out.

Well given I've said on this thread that I'm going to paint the eldest room next, I presume I'm "that" poster??

No I don't have ADHD

Of course you're answerable to him; you're utterly reliant upon him and his whim. If he decides, in the click of a finger, that he won't support your wish to be unemployed any longer, you're screwed.

Must be another one. For her (or her husband) it was a fetishised state. And her posts were pretty disturbing.

Quite. It’s difficult to argue with this.

Yes exactly. I was aware of how (as the much higher earner) I had more of a say in my relationship with my ex. It was subtle but definitely there.

i would think that if @InceyWinceySpidy decided unilaterally she wasn’t going to bother cooking or cleaning her dh would soon let her know his thoughts about her “independent choices”.

I think the difference is, you like your work.

I was full time (many years ago) moved from practice to industry. Good salary, not 6 figs, but not far off. Great for my age. Hated it.

Went self employed to work more to my own tune. Preferred it, but still hated it.

Completely career changed to part time something art based. Loved it, but not as much as I loved the non working time.

Decided I didn't want to work. DH happy also. Both much happier for it now. I could return part time to finance stuff, or the art stuff, but I just don't want too.

There's a reason most people say they'd quit their jobs if they won the lottery. I know there will be handful on here loudly shouting the opposite, but the exception doesn't make the rule.

Screwed?

I'm a qualified accountant. I wouldn't be screwed at all?

Would it be my preference to have to do all that again? No. Could I? Of course.

It's an unusual choice to make with no children expected. None of our business though. She might find it difficult to find someone to agree unless she gets pregnant first

True. Many things in life are a risk though. Some pay off. Some don’t.

See I understand this. I never enjoyed work. I prefer being at home. I'd happily never work. If you're both happy, fine. Although I maintain you're not a sahw...you're a sahm. But...on the case of the girl the op knows..to want to enter into a relationship at such a young age with the expectation that you will be financially provided for from the start is just incredibly entitled, quite stupid and actually really unrealistic.

Not long ago it would be pretty normal!

It wouldn't be for me, but I think homemaking and raising Children are massively underrated in our society and I think it is coming with a pricetag for the mental wellbeing of adults and parents. Many people are trying to do too much, with too few resources. She may be a little unrealistic and it could potentially leave her vulnerable in her future, but I guess we all make different choices. I would love to see a future where people have real choice and can structure their lives on a way that works for them instead of believing in just one definition of success.