A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

@InceyWinceySpidy

what is the driving factor for you to choose not to work then?

^ This

Or maybe he didn't say that because it's nonsense and doesn't apply.

Can't be that though, eh. He must be lying.

It's ok that what works so very well for us, is a huge red flag for you. Just don't try and project that it should be for others because it's suits your narrative. It's doesn't suit ours. And it's quite disgusting that you state my husband doesn't see me as an equal because you don't like our lifestyle. Disgusting.

Exhausting, isn't it?

I can only think that the 'doth protest too much' crew are having to squash down some unwanted thoughts that won't stay under the rug.

Women supporting women is beautiful and that includes when choices may not align with what you would do.

that's such hogwash.

This is unusual nowadays

Most SAHM have a career first. Before they have kids.

If she has children now, they'll be gone before she's 40. Then what?

How boring. But that's just my opinion. She sounds naive to not want independence

How is it reasonable for an able adult not to ever work in their adult life?

Yeah exactly.
The lack of reading comprehension is shocking, but I see the more sensible posters have showed up.
YANBU OP.
WIFE does not equal MOTHER.
Not sure how this is difficult.

And if you want to be a stay-at-home-MOTHER surely working as much as possible now to build up your savings is advisable?

Not flip-flopping about waiting for Prince Charming

I think this is maybe not quite as posters are assuming.

This young woman is really an outlier.

She's 23, not working and never has (or so the OP says.) But she has been to uni.

She's looking for a husband so she doesn't have to work at all, ever.

This is not normal behaviour for a 23 year old.

Either she has 'issues' we don't know of.
And her mother is allowing her to sit at home all day and live off her.

It's definitely not worth getting worked up about, comparing her to SAHP or other women in settled relationships who are working or not.

Yes of course. While children are children and dependent.

But all children grow up; most will become independent adults.

What all parents should be modelling to such children , is a future life as an autonomous adult who can stand on their own feet, make their own way in the world; make their own livelihood, their own home.

approving of outdated sexist roles is not women supporting women

@Indoorcatmum
@Robinni

totally disagree

there are not loads of men who want a stay at home wife. I don’t know any men in their twenties who want to work to just exist and live in a rough area so as to support their young and able bodied wife to not work and be a stay at home wife:

and secondly, I don’t think her going to uni etc is wonderful if she has no intention of getting a career after it. Zero point.

Actually I have no issues with someone who never wants to work. Provided they can find a partner to fund them and don't sponge off the government.
In this case, if men disagree then she'll just remain single, natural consequences.
But in that case she needs to go for a man who is actually a high earner/has family wealth.
Just 'moving to a cheaper area' won't be enough, you need assets to be secure.

Maybe she's never lived away from home and doesn't realise how expensive life actually is.

Answer the question- would you have married him if he told you he planned not to work at all throughout his whole adult life and expected you to support him and pay for everything?

your reaction tells me you know there is truth in what I say. You must be around the same age as me (I had kids older though). I can’t imagine any decent man of my generation I know who wanted to take on someone who just never wanted to work their entire life and expected to be looked after.

What about a man who never wanted to work. What do you think of that? Would you take him on?

I do not think this is the main/only driver for the age for settling down to be married/ have kids increasing. I understand a big factor driving this is that women and prioritising their careers and other things they want to do before settling down later .

I also don't think the average age for Marriage rising suggests there are more women available than men - most adults I know would like to find a partner and settle down at some point whether married or not, and some prefer being single (both men and women).

How did you work hard morning noon and night if you didn't have kids? Housework, shopping and cooking doesn't take the whole day, unless you were helping your husband run a business or something as well.

I like the time to do things properly. I don't feel rushed, and no real stress.

I live close to my very old grandmother, and I love being able to spend as much time as possible with her, as you never know how long we have left.

I like painting, I'll be starting on eldest DC room next.

I like that when I go to the shops, I'm not in the bustle of everyone else trying to shop at the weekends.

I like the time to plan our meals, and cook mostly from scratch. I'm also learning how to properly prune trees and hedges as we have loads and they look superb when they've just been done, and frankly shite for the rest of the year

I like not having to report to anyone, no boss or supervisor or deadlines, my time is entirely mine to manage. I did work at one point, and went from employed to self employed for exactly the same reason.

I like that if it's sunny, and I want to sit outside and read for an hour, I can.

I like that our house looks beautiful. I have a lot of time to make it this way. And it really is. Not just me saying it's beautiful because I've run a hoover round. Friends constantly complement. I learned to flower arrange, and have the most lovely designs up in the kitchen at the moment. Huge difference in knowing how to do it Vs plonking things in a vase. I've revamped all our storage areas. I'm always reading about interior design, it really interests me and our home is reflective of this.

I like the money we save because I have the time to shop around.

I like being able to get straight up and at it, or if I'm feeling a bit tired, just spend the day quietly.

None of this relates to DC.

It's not only hogwash, it's misogynistic hogwash to boot.

Woman = 'support human'. The stereotype was ever thus.

No one owes allegiance to another human being on the basis of shared XX chromosomes. I'm not about to 'support' others' choices any more than I require others' validation of mine. It's an irrelevant aside.

Feminism and the campaign for women's rights in their various incarnations are interested in equality of opportunity between the sexes, about women's rights not being stampeded over, about women not being socially disadvantaged and discriminated against on the basis of their sex.

That's all there is to it. If ever that happy state of equilibrium is reached, what women do or don't choose to do on that basis is a matter for them. Like everything else, you make your choices and bear their consequences. That's life, it comes under the banner of rights and responsibilities, and it's an element of the human condition that's never going to change.

I worked with a young woman all of 19yrs old whose mother engineered a job at our workplace. The mum said it would only be a short term job.
Her daughters ambition was to meet, marry, and hopefully have a child with a rich man.
The daughter was an uninterested pita at work. Low and behold within a year had met a 'rich' man, within a couple of months had moved in and gave up her job. Her fb was full of back to back exotic holidays and the big house they moved to. Within a year, she was pregnant.

Her mother was ecstatic. Very proud that her daughter wouldn't have to work again.

I do all that and work full time. How do you fill the rest of your time?

You can make any demands you want in a imaginary relationship. I want a man who looks like a model and buys me diamonds every day, take me on holiday monthly and cooks for me every day too. If you don't think that's a reasonable demand then you're not being supportive to your fellow woman.

Plus I go to the gym 3x a week and do a yoga class once or twice a week.

Pathetic.

Me too.