A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

It's a sexist choice. We live in a sexist society though and it's hard to fight against so I don't think it necessarily makes someone sexist as a whole depending on their other life choices and values.

For the record, I understand why someone may make that choice on an individual level when small children are involved even though I don't agree with it. My concern is what many women making that choice as a whole does to society and the fact that it is usually only women who make this choice.

You mean like the poster telling us our marriages will likely end in divorce for not ceasing work when we have children, and speaking condescendingly to a poster for ‘only’ having one child and maintaining her career?

This is a popular tradwife thing. Gen Z women mainly are interested.

See

and

You couldn't easily get a job during those school hours. I know from experience. Term time jobs are like gold dust. Also with three kids you'll have several days a term where they will be absent from school due to illness. Then there's inset days and strike days. Also you will have lots of housework while they're at school. Lots of laundry, shopping, cleaning, cooking and life admin. It's nothing at all like the life the girl the op knows is wanting to have.

IncyWincySpidy, you're not a SAHW though are, you, you're a SAHM. Those are really not the same.

My issue was really why ask your husband and 'report back'. That was the 'ick'. What men think of SAHM doesn't interest me other than that they support their spouses properly. Yours does. Great!

So she has never worked since leaving uni?

Are her parents funding her lifestyle? She won't be eligible for benefits if she is not looking for work.

She seems very entitled.

Personally I hate working... always have. In an ideal world I'd never work! But there's lots of things we'd all want in an ideal world. Doesn't mean we get them.

But you have kids.

Can you honestly not see the fundamental difference between your situation and a 23-year-old who doesn’t want to ever have to work, believing work to be a ‘want’ not a ‘need’?

Christ almighty.

I somehow managed to miss the divorce comment. 😂

“After a meal ticket”? What are you talking about? Women who don’t want to work at all and want a man who will support them financially throughout their whole lives are looking for a meal ticket. Effectively for a “daddy”. It’s creepy

to be honest I would have little to no respect for a man who was looking for me to support him financially from day one of the relationship. I imagine most decent men feel the same way. The men who don’t have any respect for women that want a helpmeet focused on them and their needs are the exception.

I’m so bored with the perpetually offended SAHMs, who can’t or won’t see the difference between their lives (having children) and that of a 23-year-old who doesn’t have kids, just doesn’t fancy working and wants to be paid for.

It’s so tedious reading all their lengthy me-rails.

Again. Read the thread.

I will be a SAHW shortly when all DC are in FTE.

And the same response/reason applies to why we both like me being a SAHM and a SAHW.

And this is what the young woman in the OP wants to do. She expects to find a man who’s prepared to work hard to support 2 people with the reward being able to live in a cheap i.e. shitty area and just exist.

And it’s easy to say you aren’t materialistic when someone else is paying all of the bills.

You literally said, what if it was a man after a "meal ticket"

@InceyWinceySpidy

read this! ⬆️

No you won't be a sahw...well certainly not in the way the op is describing.

BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE CHILDREN! For whom you will presumably not cease to care?

Fuck sake. I’m getting annoyed with people so determined to be offended 😆

Agree.

And like I said, I'm a sahm of teenagers

He’s hardly going to actually say “because I want to be in control is he?”

if he married you with the intention you would never work a day in your life, I would say yes that’s a huge red flag. A man looking for someone like that isn’t looking for an equal relationship or someone he can respect any more than a woman is.

would you have married a man you had to support entirely for his whole life?

It's not being offended. It's because there is no real difference to me and many others, which to use your phrase, you "can't or won't see."

I stay at home, through choice. During that time, I will have young DC, school aged DC, grown DC. That's not really relevant, because the children aren't the driving factor as to why I, and many others, choose to not work.

Without meaning to appear belligerent - so?

You don't ever hear men giving a shit about how other men divide their paid and domestic labour in their personal households. And before this is seen as a statement of male superiority, it isn't. Far from it. They don't have to chew the fact about this, because their right to a family life and a simultaneous career has never been in question. They are not regarded as default carers, or support humans whose wants and needs come last in priority to those of others. In these ways they benefit very much from a society that is very much structured to cater to patriarchal interests.

It's this position, and no less, that I'd like to see for women.

Some will already accept no less, as far as their individual family set-up is concerned, but are stuck with the status-quo as regards inequalities in the workplace. Some are fighting this using the Equality Act 2010. Some are discovering that misogyny has very much changed its face, and has again become increasingly legitimized over the last five years in particular. Some are finding more success with this than others. So in the meantime, insignificant battles over breast vs. bottle, BLW vs. puree, and WOHM vs. SAHM continue to rage on like a treadmill to nowhere.

I'm happy with my personal choices relating to family and work. I don't give a shit what others think. I don't require a justification of their decisions to me, and I'm certainly not about to justify mine to them. The OP poses a particular scenario and others are stating their views on it. The decision to take this into personal territory is just that: a decision on the part of individual posters.

When other women make different decisions from ours it isn't a personal affront. If some are standing on the sidelines waiting to criticize your every move, bollocks to them. They don't know you and have nothing to do with you or your life. If you're happy with your choices, you don't need to care what others think. No one needs validation from complete strangers on the internet.

totally agree with this
you’d just feel like you were working for nothing wouldn’t you

I definitely can see the appeal of being able to go to work and not have to worry about anything domestic/childcare related - I would definitely enjoy it on some level if my DH wanted to do that. Though I would hate to be a SAHM myself.

I can't imagine thinking it was worthwhile if we didn't have children though. We'd be giving up a whole salary and pension and for what? Could get a cleaner and a takeaway for much less. And to be honest pre kids, it really isn't that hard to clean your own house and cook your own meals.

To add to this, some people do it for religious reasons. Is the girl religious OP?

Yes, reading through the thread I'm a bit baffled at the outraged people equating their situation (married with kids) with this young woman's dream scenario (married, no kids, wafting about at home solo).