Can we start a poverty solidarity thread?

[Welcometotheterrorzone]

It often feels like MN is a different world and I can't actually talk to anyone in real life as people either don't get it or assume I'm trying to gain sympathy or ask for money.

I cannot wait until payday. Things I am doing without right now

• petrol
• squash
• milk
• biscuits
• shampoo

So worried that I'll need to drive somewhere and have to explain that I have no petrol. Currently walking everywhere. I know it's partly my fault as I went a bit far on the last payday and bought a shed, but obviously no one is going to offer me a 0% interest or repayment scheme due to my credit. Wish I could budget better. I think these dry spells make it worse though. You live with weeks with nothing and then my wages come in and I go a bit crazy. Another downside of being skint. Could ask father of children but I can't take the smugness. He took them out for pizza last night and they brought some home! Ravenously ate it in the kitchen whilst they weren't looking. It's mad that this is the reality. No one knows. I have a full time job, nice house, car in drive, dress well (charity shops), the kids look ok. How no one gets what it's like, waking up to nothing in the bank, dry cereal, panicking about if there's a non school uniform day. Please let me know what's going on for you so I don't feel so alone!

People have already explained why, for someone living month to month with no spare money, saving up is incredibly difficult. You have either read that and still decided to jump on the op or read and didn't understand it.

She may as well have, you can't eat a fucking handbag and you can't eat a fucking shed.

She made a stupid choice KNOWING what would happen. So now she finds herself starving and snarfing leftover pizza down, not washing her kids hair, giving them dry cereal and has no petrol in her car if an emergency happened.

But at least the bikes are dry eh?

Well, we do have to buy things that aren’t food.

I am honestly not seeing a shed as the height of decadence others seemingly do. It’s a shed, it’s bought, it will come in very handy. In any case, it won’t just be the shed. The OP earns around the same as me and I never have much money. Difference is I’m in a two parent household. I’d be stony broke if alone.

Can someone point me to where OP said she is not washing her kid's hair and is feeding them dry cereal?

I fear my reading skills are somewhat lacking. I cannot find a single mention of dry cereal or unwashed hair from OP.

Well after 10 pages of kicking from 'poorer' and smarter posters, I guess the OP knows she didn't make the best decision. As she acknowledges in her opening post " partly my fault".

She is a single mum doing her best and asking for support. She will do better next month.

She clearly mentions having no shampoo in opening post and waking up to dry cereal.

Something I forgot in my earlier post - another reason why it's very hard to save your way out of not having enough money is that once you get a bit of savings built up, you can buy the things that aren't absolute necessities but that would massively improve your day-to-day quality of life, like a hairdryer to replace the one that broke months ago, or some waterproof shoes that are actually waterproof, or an appointment with the dentist, or a decent coat.

Exactly this. We have been living hand-to-mouth for ages and are only just beginning to get out of it now that some of our debts are paid off and are finally claiming the benefits we are entitled to but we're still in our overdrafts and have no savings because we're buying things like new boots for me (my current ones have holes in the soles), a new bookshelf and some storage for the dining room (our bookshelf gave up the ghost years ago and all the books are just piled up where the shelves used to be) and some other bits and pieces. We've been living with broken and worn out stuff for years and it's so bloody difficult to have to make do.

All of those who are saying that we should budget better: you can budget for every single penny but when you've got no spare money whatsoever and need to buy something that will make your life so much easier, sometimes you just have to sacrifice.

The worst thing at the moment is my microwave broke, then my toaster and now my hob! Can't afford to replace any of them. But still got the oven and grill and I have a slow cooker that I managed to make Spag Bol in the other day!

You don't need shampoo to wash your hair. It's nice to have and I do class shampoo as an essential item but going without it for a few days isn't going to kill anyone.

Hair can be washed with water, conditioner, shower gel, washing-up liquid, and a myriad of other soap or water-based products.

I can see the dry cereal comment now, I apologize, although I don't think it will harm the kids to eat dry cereal. Mine do it willingly sometimes. Dry Cheerios are eaten like crisps in this house.

Will she though??

Wish I could budget better. I think these dry spells make it worse though. You live with weeks with nothing and then my wages come in and I go a bit crazy

I would just take the cash out of the envelopes... I don't see how anyone doesn't

I think you can be low income and bad with money

I have two children a car and a mortgage, I earn £1400, I get £250 UC. Most would struggle but some would struggle less with better budgeting

Seems like a pattern to me. Please tell me HOW anyone can make a decision to buy a shed knowing later in the month you will literally be starving.

How no one gets what it's like, waking up to nothing in the bank, dry cereal, panicking about if there's a non school uniform day

Doesn't sound like she enjoys it much.

She is simply being human. Just existing every day on the breadline is tough. Have a heart. No need for the unpleasantness towards someone who has relatively little and is struggling. I can’t imagine why people are so mean.

She is not living in true poverty, she PUT herself into poverty by purchasing something that she could have done without. There is a huge difference between having bikes in your kitchen and not being able to afford to eat. She needs support for budgeting which she admits she has a problem with but is she in true, bones of her arse poverty...no. She makes silly financial decisions.

Another great point. We ALL make impulsive decisions from time to time, and make choices that aren't the absolute best optimal sensible thing to do. Not having enough money doesn't mean you are suddenly immune to this. You do have to be more careful out of pure necessity, but if you haven't been in this position, try to think about it with some empathy - imagine not being able to make any mis-steps, day in day out, for months and years. Never any impulse, emotion-driven purchases; your hierarchy of "necessary" items must be completely correct before you're allowed any sympathy and not deemed to be in a situation of your own making (even though OP really did need the shed so as not to have bikes in the kitchen).

It's asking a huge amount of someone who is ALREADY in a tough situation, and whose decision-making processes are under more stress than those of someone who can end each month with a spare couple of hundred pounds without any real effort.

Regardless. Her posts are clearly from someone is struggling and feeling worn down by life. Can you not read tone? You could have said the same thing but more sensitively.

Or are you proud of being one of those ‘tell ‘em like it is’ types?

Fair enough but I just find it hard to comprehend buying a shed when you know you won't have enough food. I can't get my head around that.

Honestly I'm not but I did find the OP's posts quite flippant about being bad with money and letting herself literally starve because she bought a shed to house bikes rather than food.

sorry, you lost me at biscuits and squash and buying a shed. This thread is insulting to people who are actually struggling.

This is speaking for the OP and she might have completely different reasons, but to quote my own post from upthread:

"It's MUCH, MUCH easier to set aside money for a rainy day or save up for big purchases when you know that you'll have a surplus every month. If you never have a surplus, and can only make savings by doing without and by scrimping and saving on every penny (and then getting those savings, which you managed to save up by living a boring, hard existence for months, wiped out by a single expense or, at the moment, by a couple of rapidly rising expensive food shops or energy bills), then it stops seeming like it's worth it. You buy the treats anyway, because otherwise your life is BLEAK. You buy the shed and go without other things until payday, because if you save up the money over months then something else will come along and use it up, and the bikes are still in the kitchen."

Even though buying the shed has left her in a bad position, I understand why she did it.

I very much doubt OP bought the shed knowing she wouldn't be able to eat. It's far more likely she bought it while she had the money hoping to make cutbacks elsewhere in the month to mitigate the impact of her spend.

She's not the first person to have done such a thing and she certainly won't be the last.

Please stop with the chastising comments. People can make choices in the spur of a moment. She didn't buy designer bag or new earrings, she bought something that there was a practical need for, give the woman a break. She may not have the same level of poverty training as someone who grew up in abject poverty, it doesn't mean she isn't deserving of empathy.

This mother is skipping meals and walking everywhere, she is really trying, give her a break. Op go to your local community centre, there might be supports available for you.

@ashamedmum007 you are working so hard. Zarach is a charity which will help with beds or check local Freecycle pages on Facebook for furniture you need?
Which region are you in as other members may be able to signpost you? 🙏

I genuinely despair at the number of people jumping on the OP. It's not like she bought a fucking expensive candle or something to treat herself - it was a shed ffs!

OP, if you're comfortable with it I'd like to send you a small token for you and your DC to treat yourselves to a takeaway or something. (Before anyone jumps on me, i think they deserve to have a little enjoyment in life). Hopefully it goes some way to restoring your faith in humanity. PM me if you want to take me up on it.

I'm appalled by this thread, shampoo, tea bags and biscuits called luxuries?
As for a small garden shed? Hardly a luxury, a swimming pool, tennis court or helicopter pad yes, buy a bloody shed!

It's a race to the bottom