Can we start a poverty solidarity thread?

[Welcometotheterrorzone]

It often feels like MN is a different world and I can't actually talk to anyone in real life as people either don't get it or assume I'm trying to gain sympathy or ask for money.

I cannot wait until payday. Things I am doing without right now

• petrol
• squash
• milk
• biscuits
• shampoo

So worried that I'll need to drive somewhere and have to explain that I have no petrol. Currently walking everywhere. I know it's partly my fault as I went a bit far on the last payday and bought a shed, but obviously no one is going to offer me a 0% interest or repayment scheme due to my credit. Wish I could budget better. I think these dry spells make it worse though. You live with weeks with nothing and then my wages come in and I go a bit crazy. Another downside of being skint. Could ask father of children but I can't take the smugness. He took them out for pizza last night and they brought some home! Ravenously ate it in the kitchen whilst they weren't looking. It's mad that this is the reality. No one knows. I have a full time job, nice house, car in drive, dress well (charity shops), the kids look ok. How no one gets what it's like, waking up to nothing in the bank, dry cereal, panicking about if there's a non school uniform day. Please let me know what's going on for you so I don't feel so alone!

• I cannot wait until payday. Things I am doing without right now

• petrol
• squash
• milk
• biscuits
• shampoo*

when I was very poor, there was no question of a car, squash, biscuits or shampoo. We went without. "Going a little bit crazy" was not an option.

Those are luxuries.

You're not in poverty. Don't insult those who are.

For anyone really struggling with money management, I second the earlier Monzo recommendation. It's honestly the best thing we've ever done for our finances.

We're not in poverty - but by God, things are very tight. Everything is paid every month but we have no savings and DH is self employed so we're not exactly secure.

I understand why you bought the shed op. People who are judging can get to fuck.

We spent £200 on a new laptop this month - an upgrade on the very small, very slow old netbook we had. And in the same month, DH stuck the soles of ds2's trainers together with superglue because we couldn't afford to get him a new pair.

It's easy to judge from a distance without being immersed in the full reality of someone's situation. On the face of it, upgrading your laptop over a child needing shoes seems utterly ridiculous - but we didn't have enough money for both and a laptop was needed for ds1s upcoming Gcses. Scoff away you 1%-ers who would never make such an unwise choice.

It's all well and good being advised to "just budget better". This works if you've got the money to do so.

Yes, a shed may not have been an essential purchase in some peoples eyes but the fact the OP had the bikes in her kitchen all the time this would not have been practical and if she had left them outside they could have been stolen which would have been even more expensive.

Life is shit when you have no money.

As I thought.

Another careless, ignorant poster punching down.

So many 30p Lees on here.

Do some people even know what the word solidarity means?

I suppose not, because they've never needed any.

Yes I’m sure all the people on here who are in insecure rental housing and will never achieve a home of their own in their lifetimes or are unable to work because they are il or have disabled children they are caring for are remiss for not showing solidarity to someone who is in a “nice house” they are paying a mortgage on, with a car in the drive and and ex who they are too proud to ask for help from because they “don’t want to see the smug look on their face” even though their kids are going without milk and shampoo.

FREE ITEMS http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4807306-free-items

I've just started this and added a few items, if anyone else wants to contribute please do. I'm happy to gift all items and will cover the cost of postage.

I don’t know if this is allowed so MN please delete if not.

if anyone wants some solidarity away from the judgement we are getting from some people ok here, feel free to PM me and we could maybe start a WhatsApp group? Only for those of us that truly understand.

Isn't there just, Begsthequestion.

I'm not in the position now but I have been very short of money at some points in my life and it's not that difficult for me to remember how different my 'choices' were back then as to how they are now when I actually have them.

OP hasn't asked for instructions as to how to do poverty better, she's asked for solidarity. I can give that because I'm not a mindless numbskull without the wit to see and understand what's being asked for.

I can remember moving direct debits here and there, my husband paying me £5 from his account and me paying him £5 from mine to 'show payment' in the account.

I can remember not eating lunch and making random 'weird' (sorry, kids!) 'messes' from ingredients that I had, trying to make them nutritious but just hoping they were going to be filling.

I do recall times when it was so relentlessly tedious having to count pennies that when I did get paid, the temptation was so strong to have a break from being hard-up.

The posters banging on about squash and biscuits and sheds... can you just stop it please? When you have choices to buy other things, better things, and you have the money in the bank to buy them even if you choose not to, IT IS NOT THE SAME. Have the wit to see that.

Yes I’m sure all the people on here who are in insecure rental housing and will never achieve a home of their own

That's me. I still don't see the need to kick those who are down, no matter what their circumstances are. Making someone else feel shitty does exactly zip to make my life any better or easier.

None of your fucking business.

purpleboy, I would be very happy to contribute to this. I tried once with sanpro once my HRT had kicked in (finally). MNHQ were really helpful but they told me that posters might not want to give addresses. The poster I was going to send them too asked where I was and then declined as they thought I might know them.

I so wish people would feel comfortable putting their hands up for things that people don't want and would be glad to give. There are so many nicer people around than judgemental twats... and even judgemental twats can relapse now and again perhaps?

I will add that link to my watched threads... thank you!

Ahh thanks for the heads up @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I can understand that, I did wonder if the thread would even stay up but figured it was worth a shot if I can ease someone's burden.

I can't believe the posters talking about shampoo and squash being luxuries. It is not a race to the bottom.

That's the phrase I see here all the time when high earners bemoan how little they have left after their bills. I've seen far more sympathy on threads where people 'only have £1000 spare a month'.

Seems like you can only moan about being in poverty on here if you live on the streets or have had to cancel Jacinta's horse riding lessons to still afford Aspen.

Doesn't matter its done now.

Exactly, shampoo isn't a fucking luxury.

If you send your kids to school unclean you will quite possibly be flagged as neglecting them.

If you go to work unclean you can be disciplined etc.

Squash isn't a luxury.
But it's about as necessary as Coke or any other fizzy drink.

Agree with you in regards to the rest of your comment. (And shampoo is definitely a necessity imo.)

A shed is essential.
We lived with bikes in the house over the winter of the pandemic. The amount of times we were injured tripping or smashing our ankles on them..... gives me flashbacks.

I am down to under 1/4 tank of diesel, we live in rural Devon so can't manage without a car. Universal credit hits tomorrow so will have a bit of breathing space. It's just exhausting worrying about money.

It was the OP's choice to prioritise a shed over other stuff. Why are you worried OP about having to explain to people why you are walking and not driving, if anyone asks just tell them the truth, but don't plead poverty.

Poverty is relative.

I am sorry that anyone is struggling.

Worrying so much about money with no hope in sight is wearing mentally. That’s one reason why poor people often have worse health outcomes.

Yes we could all budget better. But it’s soul-destroying on lower incomes.

I have never been poor like this and probably won’t ever be. I have lots of sympathy for those in that situation.

Maybe a random comparison but it is interesting that when it comes to diets, people are a little bit more understanding. They understand that it can be hard to keep to a diet and you often have blips and can’t always commit to the regime every day despite being aware of the benefits. An occasional ‘binge’ is forgiven and understood. Even encouraged. When it comes to budgeting however, there is not quite the same understanding for how difficult it is to stick to a strict budget day after day with no treats or respite in sight.

They really are. Orange juice etc is so expensive and it isn't good for you.

Hi OP, I'm another who wouldn't describe myself as living in poverty as in the grand scheme of things everything is ok but things are just very depressing right now.

I am very good at budgeting, I'm militant about it in fact. I know we will get the bills paid each month. But it's just not stretching as far as it used to even just a year ago. Even a few months ago things felt better, but a combination of changes at my husband's workplace meaning that he now brings home ~£400 less per month than he used to and also some bad luck that meant we had to take a loan to pay for something unexpected, means that life is just depressing at the moment. Going to get some food later as we're nearly out and we only have £12.80 left until the weekend. This is doable and it will be fine, but it's just bloody depressing looking at all the food you'd love to buy and knowing you just can't. Not even anything totally crazy, I just gaze longingly at the own-brand "up" from the absolute cheapest one 🤣

My children will eat well (well, one of them is pre-weaning anyway so no worries there) as I always ensure they do, but I've been skipping meals when I can.

I can't even remember the last time I had my hair cut, I've been hacking away at it myself for at least four years I'd say. I haven't bought any new clothes in two years minimum I'd guess - except for a pair of maternity leggings in my third trimester - and when I say new, I mean new to me. I've only been buying second hand for years and years, at first just for ethical reasons but it's necessity now.

I totally understand why you bought the shed. Was it sensible, I don't know. But I understand. Sometimes you just want one thing in your life to be just a little bit nicer.

I definitely think a solidarity thread is a good idea.

I'm technically on a good wage however two maternity leaves in two years and childcare means we have fuck all left.. it's a week until payday (luckily child benefit hits sat!).

Ive a full fridge, full cupboards and full freezer so food wise we are fine but it's just bloody depressing!!

I pay everything though and do think there may be some unintentional financial abuse from DH so tonight we are sitting down together and having an honest chat about finances as I run out of money midway through the month which isn't right on our two salaries!

Thank you, that's a very kind offer. Since I took his trousers down they fit and are in fairly decent nick and next month (I think?) the school are doing a uniform swap thing where parents bring items that no longer fit and can collect ones that do. Also, we are close to a Next warehouse and they kindly donate a lot of brand new uniform items that parents can then pick up free if we're lucky enough to get there first, so they might be more use to someone more in need?