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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lads holiday

109 replies

Kristenb6 · 15/05/2023 23:16

What is everyone’s opinions on “Lads holidays” in their 40s? My husband has told me he would like to go on holiday with friends next year for his upcoming big birthday, our children have never been on holiday nor have we together or as a family in over a decade for various reasons. We currently live in a house that is too small and our children are crammed into rooms where 2 there are in one room and 3 in the other. Our youngest also has special needs so holidays have not been a priority lately. My husband works hard as do I, we both have well paid jobs and share everything and divide our incomes equally. Am I being unreasonable for thinking that the money would be better spent on a bigger house for our family or we could go on holiday together? I just couldn’t imagine leaving him and the kids to go on a girls holiday with my friends given our situation!

OP posts:
DoggosAloud · 15/05/2023 23:19

I’ve no problem with them in general.

However, in your situation, I’d be very annoyed that this is a priority over you all having a break together. It seems selfish.

saltandpepper86 · 15/05/2023 23:21

Agree with doggosaloud, in general no problem, in your situation absolutely no way in hell is it acceptable

CountZacular · 15/05/2023 23:21

Holiday with friends? Fine. Holiday with friends when his own children have never been on one and are stuck in cramped conditions? Incredibly selfish of him.

Shookethtothecore · 15/05/2023 23:22

Generally no issues. But in your circumstances I would be fuming.

SamW98 · 15/05/2023 23:26

No problem with couples who have separate holidays with their mates but not at the expense of a family break.

For me it would be family holiday as priority and lads/girls holidays as an extra luxury

AnonyMenOhPee · 15/05/2023 23:26

Well the cost of a one off holiday for one person isn’t going to go far towards a house is it?

it’s also nowhere near what it would cost to take 7 people away. It sounds like it’s not something he does ever, so provided you could agree on a budget and stick to it then I’d let him go. You only live once after all.

NoTouch · 15/05/2023 23:28

Depends on how much the lads holiday is costing. If it is cheap and this money wouldnt make a holiday for 7 affordable or a dent in what would be needed for new housing, I'd not write it off for those reasons alone.

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:29

@NoTouch In that case OP should get one too.

Daffodil92 · 15/05/2023 23:29

CountZacular · 15/05/2023 23:21

Holiday with friends? Fine. Holiday with friends when his own children have never been on one and are stuck in cramped conditions? Incredibly selfish of him.

This.

NoTouch · 15/05/2023 23:30

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:29

@NoTouch In that case OP should get one too.

Where did I say she shouldn't?

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:31

I didnt say that you said she shouldnt.

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:32

Where is it that he wants to go OP?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/05/2023 23:32

Daffodil92 · 15/05/2023 23:29

This.

Show quote history

This for me too

Original poster
Kristenb6 · 15/05/2023 23:50

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:32

Where is it that he wants to go OP?

Unsure where he is planning as it’s not yet been confirmed, I should add we don’t own our property currently and are saving for our first house to buy. I feel like using the savings for this will only prolong our cramped living conditions, granted a holiday for one won’t cost the same as for 7 but it will make a dent and this is why we agreed to not have a holiday as a family so it has surprised me. He travels around due to the nature of his work so if anything I’m the one needing the break more! His friends all go on holiday with their families several times per year and own their own properties so from a personal view should they want to holiday with friends and it’s an extra luxury they can afford then I wouldn’t have a problem but seeing as our situation is very different I can’t help feeling a little put out by it

OP posts:
Orders76 · 16/05/2023 00:03

Can you sit down and do a plan for 2 holidays?

Family holiday, UK, 4 nights 1000
Husband break 2 nights 500

That's somewhat fair, and if you do both together, it shines light on unfairness and includes your family.

Original poster
Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:12

I would think it would be more than that to go abroad, by the time you factor in air fares, hotels and spending money he also mentioned earlier it would be nearer 1500 for 3-4 nights for his holiday alone. We have looked into holidays together but the complex needs of our youngest child means we have yet to find anything suitable that would accommodate his needs for that price.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 16/05/2023 00:14

So his kids have never been even on a holiday to Wales or the South Coast, and he wants to jet off on a 1.5k boys trip?

Now normally I'm cool wife, but he sounds utterly clueless.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/05/2023 00:16

AnonyMenOhPee · 15/05/2023 23:26

Well the cost of a one off holiday for one person isn’t going to go far towards a house is it?

it’s also nowhere near what it would cost to take 7 people away. It sounds like it’s not something he does ever, so provided you could agree on a budget and stick to it then I’d let him go. You only live once after all.

I'm unsure of ops child's needs, but they could get a air bnb on the coast for a few days for the price of a lads holiday abroad once you factor in all the extra costs

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/05/2023 00:26

I guess it depends on what type of holiday? Has it been a dream for a group of them to do the trans siberean railway or route 66 or something else along those lines.

Original poster
Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:27

SleepingStandingUp · 16/05/2023 00:14

So his kids have never been even on a holiday to Wales or the South Coast, and he wants to jet off on a 1.5k boys trip?

Now normally I'm cool wife, but he sounds utterly clueless.

I am one of those normally cool wives too, but this has honestly thrown me. A midlife crisis maybe? I would love to know more opinions. We have never been on holiday list children, a lot of our outgoings are spent on his own hobbies and interests. He is of the opinion that we can offer more to the kids (by way of disposable income) if we stay in a smaller house and has suggested even that we sleep in the lounge so that it frees more space up for the children and our eldest can have a room to themselves. He is not always home he works away a lot so generally I am with the kids when I am not working 24/7. I realise he might just want a holiday and some downtime with his friends as life is stressful and full on at home I get it but I do think it’s incredibly selfish of him to even suggest it when we are living this way in the first place

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 16/05/2023 00:32

"a lot of our outgoings are spent on his own hobbies and interests"

I thought as much

Original poster
Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:37

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/05/2023 00:26

I guess it depends on what type of holiday? Has it been a dream for a group of them to do the trans siberean railway or route 66 or something else along those lines.

Given the chance yes this would be exactly it but way out of budget- our savings pot would be emptied!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:44

JenniferBooth · 16/05/2023 00:32

"a lot of our outgoings are spent on his own hobbies and interests"

I thought as much

Unfortunately this is true. Don’t get me wrong none of us are hard done by but sometimes I think if he just reigned in a bit it wouldn’t feel like we are working month to month just getting by. He has no clue when it comes to budgeting I usually deal with that side of things and our savings have been building lately. It costs a bit for a family day out usually depending on what we do and he will complain about that but no problem spending the money if it were something for himself. For me it’s the kids first and if there’s anything left over I will treat myself if we can afford to

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 16/05/2023 00:56

air bnb on the coast for a few days

Would be at least 200 a night. Prices have become ridiculous since Covid lockdown opened up again.

The days of cheap travel are over.

our children have never been on holiday nor have we together or as a family in over a decade for various reasons. We currently live in a house that is too small and our children are crammed into rooms where 2 there are in one room and 3 in the other. Our youngest also has special needs

And he wants to go on a "Lad's getaway"? Jesus. I get it he needs to get away, but what about YOUR get-away for a few days OP?

UsingChangeofName · 16/05/2023 00:56

As per the first reply. I don't generally have an issue , in principle with one half of a couple going away with their friends.
However, I am not in anything like the same circumstances as you are.

In your circumstances, YANBU