Lads holiday

[Kristenb6]

What is everyone’s opinions on “Lads holidays” in their 40s? My husband has told me he would like to go on holiday with friends next year for his upcoming big birthday, our children have never been on holiday nor have we together or as a family in over a decade for various reasons. We currently live in a house that is too small and our children are crammed into rooms where 2 there are in one room and 3 in the other. Our youngest also has special needs so holidays have not been a priority lately. My husband works hard as do I, we both have well paid jobs and share everything and divide our incomes equally. Am I being unreasonable for thinking that the money would be better spent on a bigger house for our family or we could go on holiday together? I just couldn’t imagine leaving him and the kids to go on a girls holiday with my friends given our situation!

Has he said it will cost £1.5k or is that what you have decided it would cost? If he's only planning 3-4 nights as you mentioned then that could easily be under £500 if he is flexible about where and when. I'm doing 5 nights Italy in Oct for less than 1k inc spending money and that's by myself so not splitting hotel costs. Going with mates they will be able to get an Airbnb. I just had 3 nights in Spain and my share of the Airbnb was £120.

If he can do it for around £500 then I don't see the problem. That won't get you a bigger house or the family holiday you want. Maybe he could look at selling some of his things to go towards it or other ways he can minimise the impact on family budget.

I don't know. My immediate reackon was selfish. But then you say you've looked into family holidays and due to complex needs not been able to get anywhere? Part of me thinks that this might be his opportunity to go and have a nice carefree and relaxing holiday (which a holiday with 5 kids isn't going to be ever), and it sounds like life is generally quite hard going. If I worked hard in a well paying job I think I would want that too.

Could you do the same? Have a weekend away - on your own or with friends?Sounds like you could maybe both use a break.

I wouldn't even think of going away in his situation. (And I've had a few girls trips abroad myself). But family holidays and the kids come first. Anything left over is then shared.

Hi, I literally just created an account to write this. Long time lurker reading posts.

please check your local send offer to help with days out & free family passes so your children can access days out. Usually Critria is DLA or ehcp.
pop into google

send local offer & your county council & it should come up.

yabu however I'd compromise with max 2 nights away max £500.

so I have been on a few girls holidays recently.. however my children have also been on holidays/breaks away/ days out so it’s not an issue and the same for my husband.

in your instance, I would feel the same as you.

Depends on the type/price of holiday I guess. Are they flying, ferrying or driving? Are they sharing accommodation? Planning to eat out or take turns cooking? Are they perhaps hiking and camping in the tents? Can be a 500 pound trip, can be a 5000 pound trip.

Not against lads holidays but there is a question of priorities here. A holiday is short term but living in cramped conditions is a daily struggle that needs to come 1st. You’ll all be happier once in a new home then he can save for holidays etc.

id sit him down and discuss how you feel & that he is putting himself above the family & that’s not good for anyone in the long term.

myself & my DH haven’t been abroad in nearly 8 years, since our honeymoon as we had a child & had to save to move etc. yeah it’s been a bit crappy & I can’t wait for a family holiday abroad but we’ve done some cheap camping hols & created some lovely memories so maybe your partner should consider something in UK as a compromise etc

I would have no problem with my H going away and he would feel the same about me BUT, in your situation i wouldn't want it and i know my H wouldnt even consider it if it impacted on our children being able to have a holiday etc.

It sounds like you have plenty of other things to spend your money on….: couldn’t they do something a bit scaled back? Weekend in xcity/ butlins or something.

Id also be a bit annoyed about taking a week annual leave cos it’s all so sparing anyway with school holidays (I’m assuming you have school age children 🤷‍♀️)

my husband and friends tried to book a 3-4 night thing for their joint 40th - they also wanted individual parties- I. My mind it’s one or the other.

Turns out they couldn’t organise themselves enough to actually find a date/ money/ accommodation etc so it’s never happened.

There was also so much stuff about a couple of them seemingly having endless money whereas a couple didn’t. It all got quite bitchy- one guy said he couldn’t go as they couldn’t afford it cos of a family holiday they’d booked and some of the others got all huffy and could t seem to understand that they’d had to make a choice between one or the other and the family came first 🤷‍♀️

Agree with this.

Well, if money is so tight that you can barely fit into your house, then no, a holiday abroad with the lads is ridiculous. Even more so if he's regularly getting time out to do hobbies etc, all of which cost money and take time while you're at home caring for the DC.

God, the bar is low.

For the record, DH is going on a lads holiday this year. First time since we've had kids. It's a big birthday. But after years of being skint and exhausted becuase we had no money and a very difficult DC1, things have settled down for us and I think it's going to be great. Now I just need him to plan a holiday with one, or even both, of our DC while I stay home!

Just the last one 😂

lucyislooking
What on earth are you trying to say with your ridiculous stereotypes?

The Ops partner does come across as very selfish but there are selfish people across all social classes, education levels and political persuasions.

A holiday with mates will not even touch on the cost for you to buy a bigger house and move though will it?

it was the lads holiday in forties that leads to my assumption

Well you know what they say about making assumptions......

So, according to you, going on a 'lads' holiday in your 40's means you're on a low income, not well educated, gym obsessed and voted leave?

I must tell my PhD educated, senior academic husband and his similarly educated friends (who, incidentally have never seen the inside of a gym) to cancel their weekend away...... although my DH did vote leave so I guess you got one thing right 🙄

Voting leave = wanting to go on holiday with your mates.

There's some research nobody thought to do 😂

There's nothing wrong with wanting to go on a lads (or girls holiday) whatever your age.

But that's not the issue here. Those types of holiday shouldn't be at the expense of family holidays or the needs of your kids.