Lads holiday

[Kristenb6]

What is everyone’s opinions on “Lads holidays” in their 40s? My husband has told me he would like to go on holiday with friends next year for his upcoming big birthday, our children have never been on holiday nor have we together or as a family in over a decade for various reasons. We currently live in a house that is too small and our children are crammed into rooms where 2 there are in one room and 3 in the other. Our youngest also has special needs so holidays have not been a priority lately. My husband works hard as do I, we both have well paid jobs and share everything and divide our incomes equally. Am I being unreasonable for thinking that the money would be better spent on a bigger house for our family or we could go on holiday together? I just couldn’t imagine leaving him and the kids to go on a girls holiday with my friends given our situation!

I would see no issue with this in general, however to say you’ve not had a family holiday. This should take priority, why would be chose a holiday with the lads over a family holiday you’ve never had would annoy me.

This.

It's really it fair to continue to derail this thread so I'll respond to these points and then leave it.....

Because I’m fascinated how someone working in academia at a senior level voted to leave the EU. It blows my tiny brain.

Because he researched it extensively and made a decision that felt right to him.

if nothing else - it impacts his industry so much

It's one of many, many things that impacts the higher education sector and you need to remember that many academics also work alongside industry and that will impact their views on politics.

and surely he had many international colleagues?

He still does..... that's not changed. I also work at a university and still have lots of international colleagues and increasing numbers of international students.

In my experience It hasn't meant we stopped working with colleagues from the EU, it's just changed the process in some cases. Plus, the vast majority of my international colleagues are not from EU countries anyway.

You have a major DH problem

Do you have a written budget? You need one and you need to spell out where the money needs to go

It also sounds like you don't have much of a say in your lives

I’m not sure how this thread has taken a political turn … whatever our voting preference or social class is it’s good to get opinions from all backgrounds. As someone previously asked why keep having children if we can’t fit into our house, we didn't intend in our 5 year plan previous to cover that we would end up in this house, however, here we are. Can’t return the children can we? And we had our children because we wanted to have a big family and can afford to. Obviously it is a drain on finances so holidays have fell by the wayside… The problem is I have ALL the say on our lives. From finances to the running of the household and everything in between. DH works away frequently so I do the main bulk of the work at home and care for the kids as well as my own career. This is why I was asking if I was being unreasonable for not wanting my DH to go on holiday with friends but as we are both saving and putting money into the pot, we are both working hard I wanted to know what others would do if in my situation. Ultimately we are working towards a bigger house and saving and I’m sure it’s possible that we will get a family holiday together one day. For me I can see the bigger picture and long term goal, he on the other hand cannot but at the same time I don’t want to stop him from doing what he wants 🤷‍♀️

Honestly I think you need a really BIG chat on a night when he's home and the kids are asleep.

Most of your disposable income goes in HIS hobbies, but living in an over crowded house is supposed to be so there's more money for the kids.

He wants to move into the living room in a house he's only living part time in due to work meaning that you are the one who ends up with no private space and you're the one doing most of the physical stuff of turning it into a bedroom every night and a living room every morning.

He gets plenty of time away from the kids with work and hobbies. You get none. No free time and no allocation of disposable income.

He refuses to holiday with you and the kids but wants to go off on holidays alone.

As an aside, I have a kid with complex needs and I know families with way more complex kids. They all manage holidays. Ask on a new thread here for ideas with details about your lads needs. There are ways and means and Family Fund.