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Original poster

Lads holiday

109 replies

Kristenb6 · 15/05/2023 23:16

What is everyone’s opinions on “Lads holidays” in their 40s? My husband has told me he would like to go on holiday with friends next year for his upcoming big birthday, our children have never been on holiday nor have we together or as a family in over a decade for various reasons. We currently live in a house that is too small and our children are crammed into rooms where 2 there are in one room and 3 in the other. Our youngest also has special needs so holidays have not been a priority lately. My husband works hard as do I, we both have well paid jobs and share everything and divide our incomes equally. Am I being unreasonable for thinking that the money would be better spent on a bigger house for our family or we could go on holiday together? I just couldn’t imagine leaving him and the kids to go on a girls holiday with my friends given our situation!

OP posts:
Lucyislooking · 17/05/2023 07:37

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DollyTrolly · 17/05/2023 07:38

Yes and yes

TakeAParent · 17/05/2023 07:39

Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 09:18

yes the sofa sleeping meaning both of us make the move so that our teen can finally have a bedroom to themselves, the younger ones are sharing with our youngest who has special needs and it’s quite difficult situation and stressful for them nobody gets any sleep most of the time. (We are already in the smallest bedroom and there’s room for our bed only) I feel like he is not thinking long term, him going off on holiday by himself wouldn’t impede a house move by too much admittedly but it’s the principle of it- I certainly wouldn’t dream of going off on holiday with the girls given our situation! someone asked earlier it’s more the money factor rather than him wanting a holiday (we would all love one let’s be honest!) but we have sacrificed over the years and continue to do so while he is only home half the year due to work and living in cramped conditions so he benefits more than any of us. I have said he can go on the holiday if he wishes but I do feel like I will resent him if he decides that this is more important to him than a family break and taking away from the house savings

’I have said he can go on the holiday if he wishes’

Be careful he doesn’t throw this back at you. I would say that you cannot stop him but be clear that you do not agree with it as it takes valuable funds away from the family pot.

He sounds selfish.

DollyTrolly · 17/05/2023 07:39

DollyTrolly · 17/05/2023 07:38

Yes and yes

Did your dh call it a “lads holiday” and did your dh vote leave?

This was in response to this .....

And he's by no means on a low income.

You need to check your prejudices 🤷🏼‍♀️

TakeAParent · 17/05/2023 07:40

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Your posts are making me laugh. My husband is none of the things you mention and definitely didn’t vote leave. He has been away with friends in his forties and fifties but didn’t call it a ‘lads holiday’. Is that ok? I am trying to work out which is the crucial bit!

Itsanotherhreatday · 17/05/2023 07:42

Living in cramped conditions? Yet you continued to have children knowing your own circumstances and now is the time to save?

Wow - I have no issue with DH going on holiday and why not? You should do the same especially if ‘you need it more’

If he’s clueless about finances then why not show him? Give him a monthly update and put him in charge?

Lucyislooking · 17/05/2023 07:45

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Lucyislooking · 17/05/2023 07:48

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Lucyislooking · 17/05/2023 07:50

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TheaBrandt · 17/05/2023 07:51

I don’t really understand your life plan here. Five kids in cramped conditions isn’t optimal is it?

Spookysnake · 17/05/2023 07:51

The whole "lads' holiday" concept is incredibly primitive anyway; generally it's just an excuse for boozing and cheating.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 17/05/2023 08:00

I can't believe anyone thinks it's ok for a father to prioritise a lads holiday over one with his family.
That said it's obvious some only posted to boast that they can afford both family holidays and separate holidays with their friends, absolutely fine but that's not the case here.

DrManhattan · 17/05/2023 08:04

Not good op. Feel like he's checked out of family life and happy to let you do all the heavy lifting. His family should be coming first.

DollyTrolly · 17/05/2023 08:05

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Depended which colleagues he was speaking to..... unfortunately lots of them are as narrow minded as you appear to be.

It's no different to me keeping my gender critical views relatively quiet amongst my academic colleagues.
Unfortunately higher education isn't the place for the free exchange of ideas it once was.

However, none of your assumptions and ill informed stereotypes help the OP do they?

Lucyislooking · 17/05/2023 08:06

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Lucyislooking · 17/05/2023 08:07

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DollyTrolly · 17/05/2023 08:09

Your posts are making me laugh. My husband is none of the things you mention and definitely didn’t vote leave. He has been away with friends in his forties and fifties but didn’t call it a ‘lads holiday’. Is that ok? I am trying to work out which is the crucial bit!

Madness isn't it?

Maybe if we refer to it as a weekend away with friends it would be viewed differently....although in my dh's case it's a trip to watch a sporting event and will involve lots of drinking so really is a 'lads' holiday.

DollyTrolly · 17/05/2023 08:11

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Why?
What's it got to do with you? Why is it so mind boggling that someone would have a different opinion to you?

Not all leave voters fit your stereotype.

Lucyislooking · 17/05/2023 08:12

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Lucyislooking · 17/05/2023 08:13

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Catspyjamas17 · 17/05/2023 08:16

DH and I both go away with friends for a weekend/long weekend but probably not longer due to cost. But we only have two kids who are older now - completely difference circumstances.

Soapyspuds · 17/05/2023 08:17

If you both have well paid jobs then there is no reason he cannot have a moderate or low cost holiday and you all have a family holiday too

You need to look at your outgoings if you cannot afford both.

I would not begrudge my OH a trip away with their friends childcare permitting.

Soapyspuds · 17/05/2023 08:18

Having read the updates I think he needs to sacrifice his hobbies for a while to balance the books. Sorry I did not initially read 5 children.

SecretVictoria · 17/05/2023 08:21

Itsanotherhreatday · 17/05/2023 07:42

Living in cramped conditions? Yet you continued to have children knowing your own circumstances and now is the time to save?

Wow - I have no issue with DH going on holiday and why not? You should do the same especially if ‘you need it more’

If he’s clueless about finances then why not show him? Give him a monthly update and put him in charge?

I agree with this. Generally I’d be fine with it, your living circumstances mean I might think differently. BUT if I lived in a small 3 bed, I wouldn’t have had 5 kids and then be trying to save.

DrManhattan · 17/05/2023 08:22

WTF has Brexit got to do with this? (apart from the fact he will now have to queue to get through passport control)