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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To overrule husband cancelling family holiday?

147 replies

jesuarry · 15/05/2023 17:46

Have a 3 year old and an infant, 3 year old has been acting up today, and he smacked my husband who I heard lose it and say "hit me one more time and we're not going on holiday" obviously he did it again and I heard him say that's it, we aren't going. I went in to the room and said don't be ridiculous, we aren't cancelling a holiday that we've fully paid for. Don't make threats we can't keep. Started saying to 3 year old that it's not ok to smack, husband interrupts and says I can keep it, we aren't going and storms off.

I mean, we are. We leave a week today and we have paid in full we can't cancel it because of a 3 year old lashing out?! He's now texting me from upstairs saying it's cancelled and I need to back him up on this and not undermine him "like always" I don't undermine him but he makes threats we can't keep and that are to totally unrelated!!!

OP posts:

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 15/05/2023 21:00

He's made a tit of himself over a 3 year old acting like a 3 year old

Cockapoodled · 15/05/2023 21:00

Why does your husband get to decide for you if you go on holiday? That bit would bother me , like his opinion carries more weight.

bluebeardswife7 · 15/05/2023 21:19

EarthlyNightshade · 15/05/2023 17:54

Can you still go and DH stay home with 3 year old?

Omg- this!!

Attractedtotheofflimits · 15/05/2023 21:36

GuevarasBeret · 15/05/2023 18:01

Alternatively, he could just grow the fuck up, and stop behaving like an absolute loon.
”You should have stayed quiet” my arse!

Show quote history

Whose rattled your cage today???😂😂😂

katepilar · 15/05/2023 21:38

He is so ridiculous.
Apart from that - he is a parent and its up to him to find ways to teach his children not to hit.

rwalker · 15/05/2023 21:53

I’ll hold my hands up over the years I’ve made a few stupid unenforceable threats
out of tiredness, frustration or desperation
not my finest hour but we don’t always get it right

letting it all settle down and discussing it later would of been better

Boltonb · 15/05/2023 22:11

Remember, it's important to present a united front when dealing with discipline and parenting matters.

Totally disagree with this. It’s far more important to demonstrate to children that sometimes people make mistakes, or say silly things, and that even adults/parents make mistakes.

“We’re not cancelling the holiday/getting rid of the hamster/never going swimming again. Daddy didn’t mean it, he’s just feeling cross and he needs to take some breaths and calm down”

Natural consequences and not losing your temper could be “hitting is not ok. It hurts. If you’re hitting, you can’t sit on mummy’s lap/be carried etc, so you’ll need to go down. We can’t read this book anymore if you’re going to keep hitting” etc

Much more effective than “THAT’S IT. I’M CANCELLING THE HOLIDAY AND THROWING AWAY ALL OF YOUR TOYS” and I’d expect the rational parent to point that out, even if it’s infront of the children.

United front at all costs is nonsense

ImAvingOops · 15/05/2023 22:26

It's all very well for the h to want backing up and not to be undermined, but the OP can't support stupid shit that she disagrees with!
He's gone and backed himself into a corner now and it's going to be hard for him to come back from it.
I wouldn't let him cancel my holiday though, just because he's a fucking idiot with no idea of how to manage a 3 year old!

Snowtrails · 15/05/2023 22:33

Starting a sentence with " Hit me again" to a three year old is not a good idea. That would have been what he heard. Your son probably heard " hit me again. .. holiday"!

Achwheesht · 16/05/2023 10:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/05/2023 10:49

Wonder if the OP will be back....

ArrrMeHearties · 16/05/2023 11:09

Your son is 3 so while yes he should get a row for the lashing out as you would with a 3yo by telling them it's bad etc. How can your husband jump to cancelling the holiday? Does he actually even want to go and is using 3yo's behaviour as an excuse

randomsabreuse · 16/05/2023 11:42

3 year olds don't care about holidays, or understand that one is coming/might be cancelled beyond it being something grown ups are looking forwards to... It is also useless consequences for a 3 year old - way too separate in time.

Holidays are for grown ups, 3 year olds really don't appreciate them beyond more time with the parents doing "fun" stuff and staying in a different place. My 4 year old gets the idea of staying in a hotel/eating in a "pub" but thinks all the hotels are the same place and is confused that hotel doesn't always mean the same activities!

hopeishopeless · 16/05/2023 18:33

I think you should apologise for undermining him because in parenting it is extremely important you are singing from the same hymn sheet

It is important, but not when one parent has gone overboard with a ridiculous and unrelated punishment. Then it's your duty to intervene and give the child the more important message that all parents sometimes feel frustrated and angry and say really, really stupid stuff that they don't mean.

Personally, I'd be going on holiday with the DC and leaving him at home.

GuevarasBeret · 16/05/2023 18:54

Unsure33 · 15/05/2023 19:24

I think you should apologise for undermining him because in parenting it is extremely important you are singing from the same hymn sheet .

then you need to agree between you how to get back on track .

he should know his threat was silly Even at end of tether , but any discussion about differing parenting methods should be in private .

No, that’s what abusers demand. Absolute compliance regardless of how off the wall their behaviour is.

and the end of the day, children lose respect for parents that do this by the time their 11 or 12. Which parent wants to give a teenager ammunition for knowing they’re full of shit.

Lifeisapeach · 16/05/2023 19:32

He’s being ridiculous.

But you 100% undermined him in front of a 3yo. There’s a time and place for that confrontation and that wasn’t it.

Sunshine275 · 16/05/2023 19:42

Your husband had completely over reacted and it sounds utterly controlling and ridiculous.

CabernetSauvignon · 16/05/2023 20:03

Is he still sulking upstairs? At this point his behaviour is worse than your toddler's.

DangerousAlchemy · 16/05/2023 20:40

Where's the Op gone??? So many posts like this atm 🙄🙄

Frankenpug23 · 16/05/2023 20:43

Cancelling the holiday is only really a consequence for him and you - the 3yo will have no concept of this. You need to both be on the same page here - what is your course of action when your DC hits and stick to it.

There is no doubt your husband is an idiot for cancelling it and then hiding upstairs - texting you - but you did undermine him. There does need to be a consensus on a plan which you enforce together.

CallieG · 16/05/2023 22:03

Let your husband stay home, make sure you have everything you need & make sure he doesn’t try to cancel your flights/accomodation/ etc.

toddlers need immediate consequences, cancelling a family holiday because of one stupid incident & it’s your husbands fault any way he said “ do that again” so the kid did it again, the bit about cancelling the holiday would have sounded like blah blah blah to a 3 year old.
His reaction was Way OTT , he should have said, “We don’t hit in this house” then Time out for repeat offences, One minute for each year of age, so 3 minutes for a 3 yr old.

I suggest buying your husband a copy of The toddler tamer by Dr Christopher Green.

RobertNotBob · 17/05/2023 19:13

Who's being the stroppy toddler here - DS or DH? I guarantee DS has already forgotten the incident and any threats made.
If DH maintains his ridiculous position, take the kids and go without him.

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