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Original poster

To overrule husband cancelling family holiday?

147 replies

jesuarry · 15/05/2023 17:46

Have a 3 year old and an infant, 3 year old has been acting up today, and he smacked my husband who I heard lose it and say "hit me one more time and we're not going on holiday" obviously he did it again and I heard him say that's it, we aren't going. I went in to the room and said don't be ridiculous, we aren't cancelling a holiday that we've fully paid for. Don't make threats we can't keep. Started saying to 3 year old that it's not ok to smack, husband interrupts and says I can keep it, we aren't going and storms off.

I mean, we are. We leave a week today and we have paid in full we can't cancel it because of a 3 year old lashing out?! He's now texting me from upstairs saying it's cancelled and I need to back him up on this and not undermine him "like always" I don't undermine him but he makes threats we can't keep and that are to totally unrelated!!!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/05/2023 19:07

The only people it's punishing are the ones who paid for it. The 3 year old will just forget about it.

Colourfingers2 · 15/05/2023 19:07

I’ve got 4 kids. Twins of 17 boys, A 10 year old daughter and a 6 year old son.
I’m a Decorator and Builder and I’m almost half a century old.
You can tell him he’s being a complete Dickhead and that you’re going with the kids and if he wants to stay at home and sulk that’s his choice.

Premiumchange · 15/05/2023 19:12

He's being a fucking idiot. His problem started when he gave a 3 year old an inappropriate punishment. Then carried on when he wouldn't re-evaluate and instead stropped off upstairs like a sulky teenager. I hope this sort of behaviour is rare. Tell him to make his choice, but the holiday goes ahead with or without him.

WhotheHellisEdgar · 15/05/2023 19:13

I get you, it's so frustrating! My DH is the same, threatens the most ridiculous thing and then blames me when I don't back him up.
.... in the car for 3 hours with two squabbling toddlers... keep fighting and I'll put you out of the car here in the side of the motorway... Christ Almighty! It's like 3 kids in the car. He would never actually do it, so why say it???

Also, a week to a 3yr old is a lifetime. Your DC will have no idea that her slapping her father , not going on holiday are related. She has no idea what it actually means. The only ones being hurt by his ridiculous threat is you two.

Booklover40 · 15/05/2023 19:14

Attractedtotheofflimits · 15/05/2023 17:51

You should have stayed quiet and not said anything at all. He may not have cancelled the trip. Because you said something he probably felt like he has to take charge and put his words into action

Yes, stay quiet you silly woman you! Who do you think you are to challenge your husband for his ridiculously stupid behaviour?

Your dh sounds like a piss-poor parent tbh and a childish bully to boot.

VisionsOfSplendour · 15/05/2023 19:16

He hasnt actually cancelled a paid for holiday because he can't manage a 3 year olds tantrum has he?

Thats madness, there has to be limits on a united front, I hope you've all calmed down and made up now

Goldbar · 15/05/2023 19:19

He's an arse.

I'd tell him that if he wants to follow through with the consequence, he can stay home with the 3yo. But you're going on holiday.

GatoradeMeBitch · 15/05/2023 19:24

Sounds like you're dealing with two 3 year olds.

If he really doesn't want to go on the holiday let him stay home and sulk, take a friend.

Unsure33 · 15/05/2023 19:24

I think you should apologise for undermining him because in parenting it is extremely important you are singing from the same hymn sheet .

then you need to agree between you how to get back on track .

he should know his threat was silly Even at end of tether , but any discussion about differing parenting methods should be in private .

OCDmama · 15/05/2023 19:25

Attractedtotheofflimits · 15/05/2023 17:51

You should have stayed quiet and not said anything at all. He may not have cancelled the trip. Because you said something he probably felt like he has to take charge and put his words into action

Woah. Dangerously submissive here!! The husband doesn't get to make all these decisions unilaterally, and the OP is free to question his behaviour. If she can't than there are problems with the relationship.

OP was right to intervene. The whole thing would make no sense to a three year old.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 15/05/2023 19:26

This was the kind of shite my husband used to come out with as well OP. Absolutely pointless things you can’t follow through on and that the child doesn’t give 2 fucks about. Annoying.

coeurnoir · 15/05/2023 19:26

Yes, stay quiet you silly woman you! Who do you think you are to challenge your husband for his ridiculously stupid behaviour?

It's nothing to do with her being a woman Ffs. It's about one parent undermining another in front of the child. The husband overreacted, as even mothers have a tendency to do sometimes; said something stupid which, again, even mothers can do sometimes and then felt he had to follow through. I would like to meet the perfect parent who has never fucked up and made a stupid, empty threat when the kids were being a pain. I certainly did.

What I never did - or my husband ever did - was then jnterfere in the moment and contradict each other. We would always wait until we were in our own and then raise it and invariably it would end up as the two of us laughing about it.

We've been divorced for many years now but still occasionally have those "do you remember when you told x that if he didn't stop screaming you would cancel a trip to grandmas?" (When we needed her to babysit for some reason so shooting ourselves in the feet 🙄

Achwheesht · 15/05/2023 19:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Superdupes · 15/05/2023 19:30

He's lost control himself and trying to punish and get control over the 3 year old by threatening him wildly with ridiculous things. It's just crap parenting. Your 3 year old won't even have any idea he's missing anything because he's too young to appreciate what a holiday is.

DH needs to try distracting and actually doing something with the 3 year old that DS enjoys and then withdraw his attention if he misbehaves. DS will want to behave because he will want the attention rather than misbehaving to try to get attention.

Tell him to stay home with the 3 year old and you'll go on the holiday without them. He's such an arse.

SnowyPetals · 15/05/2023 19:34

Your DH needs to learn how to manage his irritation. There will be loads of times when your young children act up. He needs strategies for dealing with it so he doesn't resort to such ridiculous sweeping "punishments". Your DS smacking his dad results in something like his favourite toy going away for half an hour, not cancelling an expensive trip he doesn't even know about in a week's time.

CountZacular · 15/05/2023 19:35

coeurnoir · 15/05/2023 19:26

Yes, stay quiet you silly woman you! Who do you think you are to challenge your husband for his ridiculously stupid behaviour?

It's nothing to do with her being a woman Ffs. It's about one parent undermining another in front of the child. The husband overreacted, as even mothers have a tendency to do sometimes; said something stupid which, again, even mothers can do sometimes and then felt he had to follow through. I would like to meet the perfect parent who has never fucked up and made a stupid, empty threat when the kids were being a pain. I certainly did.

What I never did - or my husband ever did - was then jnterfere in the moment and contradict each other. We would always wait until we were in our own and then raise it and invariably it would end up as the two of us laughing about it.

We've been divorced for many years now but still occasionally have those "do you remember when you told x that if he didn't stop screaming you would cancel a trip to grandmas?" (When we needed her to babysit for some reason so shooting ourselves in the feet 🙄

What I never did - or my husband ever did - was then jnterfere in the moment and contradict each other. We would always wait until we were in our own and then raise it and invariably it would end up as the two of us laughing about it.

I don’t actually think this is healthy at all. My parents used to do this (and this is the extreme end) but would have my F breaking down my bedroom door or throwing my belongings across the room and my M thinking it best to raise it later so they could be united. But even at the lesser end with stupid threats, kids should be able to see one parent challenge another when something is ridiculous and the parent is just wrong. It’s really old fashioned to think children should never see their parents challenged.

Butchyrestingface · 15/05/2023 19:35

Has the mad bastard actually gone and done it though?

Like fuck would I be missing out on a holiday because a grown-ass adult wants to play a pissing contest with a three year old.

Manichean · 15/05/2023 19:35

Maybe this twat of a man does not want to go on holiday with his family and is using this 'punishment' to ensure his wife goes with the kids and does all the childcare, while he stays at home scratching his arse, with a big self-righteous look on his face and doing sweet fuck all.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 15/05/2023 19:41

Unsure33 · 15/05/2023 19:24

I think you should apologise for undermining him because in parenting it is extremely important you are singing from the same hymn sheet .

then you need to agree between you how to get back on track .

he should know his threat was silly Even at end of tether , but any discussion about differing parenting methods should be in private .

I'd have undermined my ex if he'd come out with anything as stupid as that. He sounds like a twat OP. Just tell him you're going with the kids, and he can stay home if he wants. Maybe he could use the time to grow up and parent properly.

MCOut · 15/05/2023 19:49

Poor you OP. I don’t think that he can argue that you were undermining him when he was being so ridiculous. Threatening a 3yo by cancelling a paid for holiday, taking place next week…

Unsure33 · 15/05/2023 19:51

OCDmama · 15/05/2023 19:25

Woah. Dangerously submissive here!! The husband doesn't get to make all these decisions unilaterally, and the OP is free to question his behaviour. If she can't than there are problems with the relationship.

OP was right to intervene. The whole thing would make no sense to a three year old.

Show quote history

No one said she was not right , but not in front of the child! Children are clever and will play on any disagreement between parents .

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 15/05/2023 19:52

Hard work having 2 toddlers isn't it op?

FatAgain · 15/05/2023 19:53

How can you feel undermined by a 3 year old 😂😂😂

What. A. Man 🙄

FatAgain · 15/05/2023 19:53

I mean in front of!

Unsure33 · 15/05/2023 19:54

SnowyPetals · 15/05/2023 19:34

Your DH needs to learn how to manage his irritation. There will be loads of times when your young children act up. He needs strategies for dealing with it so he doesn't resort to such ridiculous sweeping "punishments". Your DS smacking his dad results in something like his favourite toy going away for half an hour, not cancelling an expensive trip he doesn't even know about in a week's time.

No one disagrees with that . It needs a quiet conversation to agree boundaries and coping tactics that both parents can use .