To want my son to go to a higher achieving Uni?

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My son now has A star AA at A-level and is on his year out. He has four unconditional offers from universities (going this September) and three of those unis are considered ‘top’ - Bristol, Durham and Leeds. However, he wants to go Aberystwyth - who have also offered him a place. We think he is aiming too low (most students on the course will have BBB whereas our son has A star AA). AIBU?

You've barely heard of Aber university? Come on! And employers don't care which uni you went to anymore, just that you got a degree, outside of law and investment banking maybe (and not everyone is interested in being a lawyer or a banker, outside of the MN bubble of mothers who are lawyers)

I don't think you are being unreasonable in wanting him to acheive his best and I would feel the same as you, but ultimately he needs to be happy and has to make that decision himself. I would talk to him and explain your thoughts but support him whatever he decides.

The man studied Welsh have you tried learning the Welsh language? It's pretty difficult!

Just because you haven't heard of it doesn't mean its not a successful university! Some of the courses such as international politics have a world leading reputation!

I doubt there are many employers left who would take the university into account. Most just want a relevant (ish) degree. Those who are impressed by certain universities and look down on others aren't maybe the greatest employers anyway. I think that sort of thinking is on its way out.

It's good that you both have opinions about it now you just need to have a conversation which will help him

(and not everyone is interested in being a lawyer or a banker, outside of the MN bubble of mothers who are lawyers)

Heh, spot on. And actually being a lawyer and having worked in some allegedly Topp City Firms, in spite of the Terrible Polytechnic I went to, I'd rather my DDs worked with a pack of wolves, frankly.

Definitely is. I work for a US tech startup and, as I constantly bang on about here, the grad recruitment process is now institution blind as they are big into diversity and non trad talent pools (because evidence-based research shows that that gets them better, more loyal employees). The grads I'm involved with are earning circa 100K in their second year and, thinking of the ones in my team, have degrees from Uni of Hull, Oxford Brookes, Solent, Nottingham Trent and one of the Liverpool ex-polys.

Yeah, I would talk through his reasoning.

That’s only one aspect of whole.

And yes, I went to 2 top city RGs, one of which treated me like shit (I'm English and it's in Scotland, you can probably guess which) and spent 10 years in a US investment bank which was a moral and ethical cesspool. I would rather my dc did virtually anything else than work for a bank.

Because most employers use unconscious bias selection process where you don't even list the university that you attended instead it's done on your knowledge and experience and result that you put in.

Also your statement of being the point of uni is simply not true it's to obtain a formal qualification in a subject by showing in depth understanding and knowledge.

I do think this depends on which subject he is looking to study and why he chose all the universities he chose. I can't speak for Bristol but Leeds is a sprawling city uni, massive student population and nightlife and Durham is a small, green leafy place, everything is within walking distance with a small town like feel to it.

In general ranking terms there is quite a difference between Bristol, Leeds, Durham and then Aberystwyth which although I can say I could not spell past Aberys without looking it up.

I would want to know his reasoning as to why he chose all the universities, not just Aberystwyth.

Maybe he doesn't want to be hot housed and Leeds is too busy.

He's an adult. Let him choose. Unless you are doing the degree for him and going to the university yourself, you really need to step back.

The students will all be assessed and taught at the same level. There isn't going to be any differentiation in the teaching and assessments based on what grades they achieved at A Level. What a bizarre comment.

He's an adult and this is his decision. Leave it alone.

If he asks for your advice or wants to discuss his options with you, fair enough, otherwise don't interfere. If you pressure him in to going somewhere and he doesn't like it he will resent that.

To answer some questions - he would be doing International Relations and French (joint honours). He likes Aberystwyth because he’s spent his whole life in London and has barely seen the sea/countryside! And actually he also has an offer from Swansea which he also prefers over Durham, Exeter and Leeds 🥲

Aber is a great place and a nice uni. It's not all about the academia. You have to be happy there or it is a VERY long 3 years.

Just seen your update with him doing a MFL - believe me, he will be highly desirable in plenty of sectors.

Hang on, Aberystwyth is really well regarded for international relations!

It’s up to him but I would be concerned that the academics wouldn’t push him enough if the offer is so much lower and he’d get bored. Of course, that might be what he wants out of the uni experience and to enjoy the beach in which case he can crack on! If he is doing an internationally oriented course it’s pretty far to an airport though.

Better he gets a degree from Aberystwyth or Swansea than he drops out somewhere else because he isn't enjoying himself.

Kindly, you need to butt out. He's an adult now, and this is his first major life decision. Putting pressure on him to go to a certain place or do a certain thing will only make him resent it. By all means offer him advice, but at the end of the day it's his decision to make.

YANBU. I do think most employers still look at which university candidates attended and that is something they look at for longer over someone’s career than the specifics of the candidates’ A level results. I also think some people regard a good degree grade from a less demanding uni as the equivalent of a lower grade at a better one, e.g a 2:1 from a less traditional uni being the same as a 2:2 from Oxbridge. It may not be fair, but it is often the reality.

That said, it also depends on what your son wants to do and what he is studying. There are some less well regarded universities that have particularly good courses for some industries. Those industries will be aware of those courses. It may be that your son has been looking at that and it has fed into his reasoning? Plus, he will do better somewhere where he is happier. That is not to be ignored as a factor.

You need to have an unemotional conversation with him in which you discuss all of this. He may have reasons for choosing Aber that you’re not aware of and are sensible. But even if not, you can’t force him to go somewhere else so all you can do is make him aware of these issues. He needs to know that this is coming from a place of concern for his future, not snobbishness.

Good luck, OP.

Aber is a fantastic university with the national library of wales literally a 10 minute walk max from campus this is extremely useful when doing a dissertation. It’s politics and international relations is highly respected, honestly if that’s where he wants to go let him, just because the offers are BBB does not and I mean does not mean the academics will be lower despite what people think.

By far the most important things are that he’ll be happy there and will enjoy the course. If he likes the place, and is enthusiastic about the course based on the published course content, he’ll be happy and successful.

Please don’t pressure him to go to a more “prestigious” university, and if he goes to Aber please don’t criticise him or show that you’re disappointed. You’ll damage your relationship with him. One of my dc’s friends was pressured by their parents into going to a “top” uni that they didn’t really want to go to, and is predictably very miserable to the point of a near breakdown. This isn’t uncommon either.