What is everyone doing on their phones in restaurants, that can possibly be more important than speaking to the person they have made a dinner date with??

[BeachBlondey]

I am getting irrationally annoyed by this. I see it all the time. For eg. Me and DH were at a big restaurant the other day. I could see about 16 other tables from where we were sitting. Apart for us, and two other tables, everyone was scrolling through their phones and not talking to the other people they were out to dinner with. It makes me so sad. On one table, a couple spent the whole meal on their phones, whilst their daughter, aged about 8, simply had her head face down on the table. No interaction with the child at any time. The table right next to ours had 3 people seated at it, 2 of whom scrolled continually, whilst the 3rd person stared into the distance. It's like people are physically there, but not really present. What on earth are we doing to ourselves?

I knew someone was thinking this about me while I was out at dinner on Saturday evening with my 18 year old DS. But the truth is that we were on our way back from a day at his (hopefully) future uni. I had driven 6 hours during the day, chatting with him the whole time, and we just needed to fill out stomachs. We were tired and all talked out. Plus he was texting a friend to help her with her student finance application. Things aren't always what they might look like, so it's better not to judge.

I was in a Café on Sunday and while I was waiting in the queue I could see a family at one table. Mum, dad, two boys - maybe 9 and 4. Both children had heads bent low over a phone, just reaching out to grab a bit of food every few seconds, dad had a phone in front of him which he periodically scrolled through before looking round and back at his food. Mum didn’t have a phone (think the youngest child had hers). It was slow service so I was stood in line for 10 mins and at no point did any of them talk to each other or even really look at each other. Not even the mum and dad. It was very strange and quite sad - I’m sure they talked at other points on their outing, but having conversations at a table seems to be becoming a dying art. How do children learn conversational skills when no-one has them?

I do think it's sad that we've lost so much of our ability to not be absorbed into a screen for a single mealtime and the loss of social skills that comes with it. It's no surprise that loneliness is rising despite our ever more digitally connected world. Digital being the operative word - it's not a sufficient replacement for real human social contact.

It is an addiction and as another poster said, like an adult dummy. I'm reminded of Wall-E where everyone just lives in their screens.

Phone zombies who use their phone while walking are a fucking nightmare though. I only hope when they wander into the road there is nothing coming. They're almost as hazardous as driving phone zombies.

Yeah my DH does this too and it really annoys me! Even if I ask something simple like, "Do you know the weather forecast for tomorrow," he'll get out his phone to check. I actually avoid asking him things that he might want to fact-check!

Unfortunately I work almost 24/7, ( slight exaggeration,but basically, when I'm awake I'm working. running my business totally alone as since Covid I can't afford any staff. If something comes up at dinner, I deal with it, and don't care one bit what randoms think of it, my husband/friends all understand

Probably worth trying to have at least some time where you aren't immediately contactable, even for one hour over dinner, for your own mental health.

I'd be pretty unhappy if dh was permanently glued to his phone (he also runs his own business).

Ridiculous comment.

@Cazelet I can't, my business is slowly dying a death and I'm doing everything I can to stop, which means working around the clock. Not everyone is the same but good for your husband!

I'm sorry to hear this (genuinely). It's really shit. Ours is struggling also. Hope things improve for you 🙏

@Cazelet thank you, I appreciate that

@Cazelet and same to you

Have just watched a story on the news. A14 year old from Michigan realised the school bus he was traveling on was heading for the edge of the road. The bus driver was having a fit and the young lad managed to stop the bus. He was the only child on that bus that had noticed the bus was out of control as he was the only child that didn't have a phone so was actually taking notice of his surroundings, all the others admitted they hadn't noticed a thing as they were looking at their phones.
It is scary that adults and children have no idea what is going on around them, surely your safety is more important than a screen. Twice i have seen adults push a buggy out into the road without looking because they were too busy looking at a screen, to not be that invested in your child's safety is shocking. There has been at least one reported death of a baby killed because it's mum didn't look where she was pushing the pram and i remember one of the Geldolf sisters over turning a pram because she had her nose stuck in a phone.

I must admit to hanging my head in shame a bit when I read your post. That's because part of my work involves auditing processes and policy compliance in different companies. I have to fill out reports on my phone and its best if I do it straight after an audit. I frequently go to a cafe or a pub, meet my DH and we have lunch together whilst I complete the report. I've always thought that anyone looking at us would think how sad she's on her phone instead of talking to the person with her!

Isn't this a bit 2010? The horse is well out the barn...

I have had a lifelong phobia of eating in public. It's nowhere near as bad as it used to be, but often I'll read something on my phone while I eat. It helps and anyone I eat out with is aware of it. I do wonder about how it looks to others.

Not sure why so many people are being arseholes OP.
I agree with you. Bit weird to see people on their phones so much when out.
I am on my phone at the moment, I could do with being on it a bit less.
I know it annoys my husband.
Dont do it when we are out though,
he'd get annoyed and rightly so.

I don’t disagree OP. But we’re lucky enough to eat out a lot, and so sometimes I just let them do it because eg. Sunday brunch, reading a newspaper on a screen or we’re exhausted from the day and just need to zone out. If you saw someone reading a newspaper at a table, would you feel the same?
If we didn’t eat out much and restaurants were a ‘treat’ there’d be no phones at all. Sometimes they’re an extension of our kitchen, so we are less ‘formal’.

Yes I'd feel weird if I saw a couple both reading a book with one hand, forking in food with the other and ignoring each other

This is such an immature comment

Probably because they're the ones staring at their phones in restaurants

Agree with this. DH and I don’t eat out very often but when we do, we’re mostly phone-free but occasionally one or other of us will refer to our phones to check something or do something quickly we’ve forgotten to do that might have a time-critical element to it e.g. book a supermarket delivery slot, order a prescription etc. Neither of us mind the other doing it (and if we did for any reason we’d just ask for phones to be put away for the rest of the lunch/evening), it’s not harming anyone, we wouldn’t do it while the waiting staff were at our table and we have no children to “model behaviour” to, so everyone else in the restaurant can butt out, quite frankly.

Sorry, "irrationally annoyed". Which is still a ridiculous emotion to feel about strangers doing something that's nothing to do with you 🙄

I mean, in what way was it hurting you? If you don’t like it, don’t do it. If I thought the phone police were getting offended at me having a phone there I’d probably use it more in a bid to avoid interacting with you.

I hate socialising, I’d rather be reading a book on my phone, I also don’t particularly enjoy going out for dinner. Normally it’s because I can’t get out of it or I’m travelling for work and am fed up eating pot noodles in the hotel room, if I’m travelling for work I will work on my phone because I don’t want to work when I get back to the hotel room, or on my recovery days off when I get home.

ultimately it makes having to sit through dinner a little bit more bearable for me and I can completely understand why others do it too. I think the only people worried that other people are not enjoying themselves in the way you feel would be appropriate are probably a bit bored themselves and are looking about finding something to think about.

If you never go out to dinner with anyone then this doesn't apply to you does it?