Page 18 | Do people not make the effort with appearance anymore

IAmTheWalrus85 · 17/05/2023 13:40

I was at a seminar this morning at one of the big law firms and found myself thinking about this - how much fashion has changed in the corporate world since I started out! When I started out women wore a uniform of suits, blouses, pencil skirts and heels. We thought it made us look powerful to teeter into meetings in massive heels with our knees tied together by pencil skirts, when looking back it did exactly the opposite.

Looking round the room this morning - there were lots of younger women there - I noticed that not a single woman was wearing a skirt suit and I didn’t notice anyone wearing heels, but I thought how stylish, individual, and comfortable lots of the women looked. The woman sitting next to me was much younger than me and she looked so classy and comfortable - but also individual. I’m delighted to see the younger generation dress for themselves in the workplace.

Hobert · 17/05/2023 13:46

I was at a seminar/ networking thing for general counsel last week and thought the same @IAmTheWalrus85 . We were all the age where we would have been in the pencil skirt, heels, blouse uniform when starting out. Everyone looked very nice but with loads more variety and nobody looked uncomfortable. Lots of dresses and make-up and nice hair but no heels at all except some blocky boots.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/05/2023 13:52

It seems as if the OP didn’t get the responses they wanted from this thread - or they wanted to lob a goady OP and then bugger off.

I actually find it sickening and infuriating that some people think that women must wear make up, skirts and high heels otherwise they are lazy slobs who are ‘not making an effort’ or ‘letting themselves go’.

Why do men get to be comfortable and wear sensible footwear, even in the highest levels of business, but women can’t?

ReliantRobyn · 17/05/2023 14:28

Its because of impending nuclear war

ohnonowwhat · 17/05/2023 14:50

I haven't really noticed it round here, most people seem to get changed if they go out in the evening. Not really noticed a difference in heel-wearing either, older people tend to wear flats or low heels but a lot of younger women still wear high heels; probably fewer stilettos but I think that's just fashion. I think if you go to a nice restaurant it would be a bit sad to see people in hoodies and trainers, it somehow feels a bit disrespectful to me? I wonder if it's an attempt to suggest it's not 'special' enough for them to make an effort... I remember one bloke I used to work with who refused to wear black tie to the Christmas do as it wasn't worth dusting off the tux for something so meagre! We didn't think "wow, he must go to really impressive places all the time", we thought "wow, what a cock!". I wear heels as I love heels and weirdly find them more comfy than flats but I don't think wearing flats automatically means you're not making an effort. Trainers I wear to work out, maybe if I was really hungover I'd wear them to a Sunday lunch but not usually. I do live in flip-flops in the summer though so I may well wear them to lunch. I would find either trainers or flip-flops inappropriate for the evening though, if I go out in the evening or to somewhere 'nice' I always change and I always wear nice shoes (in my case heels, but I don't think they have to be!) I do think it's a shame really that women seem so keen to attack other women for their choice of footwear, or any clothing; wearing heels (or a v-neck, or knee-length skirt, or skinny jeans etc) doesn't mean you're suffering to attract the 'male gaze', and I think that's a pretty revolting thing to say tbh.

RachaelN · 17/05/2023 15:42

OP. Have you heard of internal misogyny? Go look it up.

Hopper123 · 17/05/2023 15:51

It's just the current fashion. It's more of a 90s casual trend at the moment especially with uni age, when i was at uni 60's 70's vintage was in amongst the students so it was a lot of mini/maxi dresses and heels. Doesn't mean they're not making an effort though in fact they are probably making a lot of effort to be on trend. I'm not keen on it myself but I'm a middle aged, skinny Jean wearing old fart now apparantly 😂so what do I know. If they like it not really any of our business

RampantIvy · 17/05/2023 16:16

midgemadgemodge · 17/05/2023 13:14

"Let themselves go "
That's bollocks

I see it more as having very different priorities- I don't value "looking good" I see that as a function of lucky genes and wealth and a sign of a mind that needs to follow rules and conventions

I value - music , humour , intelligence , love

None of that require heels or make up

I am not letting myself go if I spend my time and money on learning something new or with my family and supporting my friends , rather than making myself look good

I am valuing myself against things I think important

I also value love, respect, kindmess consideration, humour, intelligence and music over appearance, but the two aren't mutually exclusive.

It is quite possible to value all of the above and still take an interest in your own appearance.

It isn't a moral failing to want to dress up for an occasion. I am going to a wedding in a couple of weeks. I will wear a nice dress and a bit of make up (and flats).

You sound awfully "worthy"

midgemadgemodge · 17/05/2023 16:35

You dress how you want
Please yourself
Let others do the same

Don't judge others as lacking in self respect , respect for others or effort if they chose to dress differently to you or chose to spend less on dress

Don't expect other people to want to be like you

No heels no make up doesn't mean no good

Santina · 17/05/2023 17:52

It's been like this for about 25 years, I remember going to a restaurant with an old boyfriend. I got dressed up, excited to be going out, opened the door to the restaurant and my heart sank. People turned and looked, I thought I was going to get a round of applause for the effort. Me in my little dress and the rest of the restaurant in jeans and jumpers. I love getting dressed up and putting my heels on.

crazeekat · 17/05/2023 18:08

dress as you all like but what the fk with people wearing their minging manky PJ's and slippers and dressing goens too to the supermarket or as i have witnessed, a shopping centre. grosses me out

mumlikeaboss · 17/05/2023 18:33

crazeekat · 17/05/2023 18:08

dress as you all like but what the fk with people wearing their minging manky PJ's and slippers and dressing goens too to the supermarket or as i have witnessed, a shopping centre. grosses me out

Yeah this is an interesting one... Where's the line???

Sure, people can technically wear what they're comfy in but does that make it fine to wear underwear or night clothes in public?!

TheCrafter · 17/05/2023 19:04

Love stuff like this. I have flat feet and wearing heels is just massively painful! Nice to know I'm getting judged lol...

My OH doesn't care if I am "dressed up" or comfy... and if we're out for the evening, his opinion -aside from mine-, is the only one I care about!

TheAudie · 17/05/2023 19:16

Oh fuck off. I’m so glad to see the back of high heels. Painful, awkward to walk in.

houseofstone · 17/05/2023 19:30

I take great pride in my appearance in the sense that I work out, eat healthy, keep my hair neat and tidy with a nice cut, and wear clothes that fit me well. I however don't wear heels, makeup, or tight dresses (late 20s here) because I think it feeds into the whole archaic idea that a man's value lies in how much he makes while a woman's value lies in her sex appeal. Men are allowed to be comfortable and, more importantly, presentable as they are. Why shouldn't women be afforded the same? Give me some Oxford boots, well-fitted jeans, and a nice top and I'm good to go.

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/05/2023 19:36

houseofstone · 17/05/2023 19:30

I take great pride in my appearance in the sense that I work out, eat healthy, keep my hair neat and tidy with a nice cut, and wear clothes that fit me well. I however don't wear heels, makeup, or tight dresses (late 20s here) because I think it feeds into the whole archaic idea that a man's value lies in how much he makes while a woman's value lies in her sex appeal. Men are allowed to be comfortable and, more importantly, presentable as they are. Why shouldn't women be afforded the same? Give me some Oxford boots, well-fitted jeans, and a nice top and I'm good to go.

Great post. You nailed it

JamSandle · 17/05/2023 19:53

Santina · 17/05/2023 17:52

It's been like this for about 25 years, I remember going to a restaurant with an old boyfriend. I got dressed up, excited to be going out, opened the door to the restaurant and my heart sank. People turned and looked, I thought I was going to get a round of applause for the effort. Me in my little dress and the rest of the restaurant in jeans and jumpers. I love getting dressed up and putting my heels on.

But why does it matter?

adriftinadenofvipers · 17/05/2023 20:27

JFM27 · 17/05/2023 11:57

Was i unusual i actually liked heels,im 4 11 maybe thats why ,i certainly didnt wear them for men.and to be honest though i wore them loads my feet are fine,i dont have bunions corns or any foot problems. Being a size 2 i always had to pay a fortune for them so maybe it wasnt wearing cheap shoes. I still wear chunky heels for meals out etc i need the height,lolthough wear trainers generally or maybe for casual drinks.but i dont like basic ugly ones my have to be a bit glam for melol

And trainers are not always comfy i emember trailing around Cambrige with a friend who hadnt broken in her new veja ones looking for plasters,she ended up buying a pair of flip flops,my supagras were fine though.

I love(d) heels too. I love shoes (bit of an addict), clothes, jewellery etc - I just like 'nice' thing!

I'm 60 and up until Covid, I had no problem walking in heels (talking 3/4", sometimes wedges, never stilettos) - in fact I used to be asked how I managed to walk in them! I've got out of practice sadly.

All this crap too about people letting themselves go! My friends regard me as "stylish" (their word, not mine). I'm even more conscious now that I'm older although I was always interested in my appearance (not in a vain way). Anyway I have 20-something daughters who would be very vocal if I dressed like an old wan!

"a sign of a mind that needs to follow rules and conventions" - rubbish! I am the literal opposite. I just like to look good, for me. I like to look co-ordinated because it makes me feel good too. That includes jeans, nice tops, faux leather look leggings, linen trousers, dresses - whatever!

Aslanplustwo · 17/05/2023 20:46

midgemadgemodge · 17/05/2023 16:35

You dress how you want
Please yourself
Let others do the same

Don't judge others as lacking in self respect , respect for others or effort if they chose to dress differently to you or chose to spend less on dress

Don't expect other people to want to be like you

No heels no make up doesn't mean no good

Well said. There is so much judgement on this thread. I am strictly casual, unless going to a wedding or formal occasion, and have never worn heels (I'm nearly 64). However, I realise that others like them and don't judge them for wearing something I wouldn't be seen dead in - everyone should be able to dress how they like without fear of "offending" some uptight person who thinks everyone should be like them. Some of us like to be comfortable, and if we are clean and tidy what is the issue? It takes no more "effort" to put heels on than it does to put any other type of footwear on, ditto a dress/jeans. I thought the days of judging people for what they wore died out decades ago - apparently there are some who just can't let go.

Nothingisblackandwhite · 17/05/2023 20:58

houseofstone · 17/05/2023 19:30

I take great pride in my appearance in the sense that I work out, eat healthy, keep my hair neat and tidy with a nice cut, and wear clothes that fit me well. I however don't wear heels, makeup, or tight dresses (late 20s here) because I think it feeds into the whole archaic idea that a man's value lies in how much he makes while a woman's value lies in her sex appeal. Men are allowed to be comfortable and, more importantly, presentable as they are. Why shouldn't women be afforded the same? Give me some Oxford boots, well-fitted jeans, and a nice top and I'm good to go.

You are spot on .this post It’s almost as internal unintentionally misogyny . It’s so ingrained even some women can’t see it themselves

JFM27 · 17/05/2023 21:53

So agree love pleather leggings my winter staples and yes loved heels wore them for years feet,hips and knees to in fine fettle and im older than you 4 inch days gone but the 2/ 3 inch chunky put in an appearance. Im told im stylish by others to id never dress like an old lady,ive a friend of 90 who doesent.And i always make an effort others can do what they want but ill keep on doing what i do,

Ukrainebaby23 · 17/05/2023 22:25

Hey, you've taken some stick on the thread. Not necessary as it's only your observations.
I'm one of those folks that used to dress up a bit, perhaps a skirt and flats or boots , but now I'm happy if I've had a wash and my clothes are almost clean. I think it's a combination of lockdown and colc. I think businesses are just glad of trade and I don't wanna waste time and money getting glam for a casual trip to the pub at lunchtime. Rarely out at night so don't see what people wear.

I've noticed people wear jeans for church, I've not gone that far.

Aslanplustwo · 18/05/2023 00:24

JFM27 · 17/05/2023 21:53

So agree love pleather leggings my winter staples and yes loved heels wore them for years feet,hips and knees to in fine fettle and im older than you 4 inch days gone but the 2/ 3 inch chunky put in an appearance. Im told im stylish by others to id never dress like an old lady,ive a friend of 90 who doesent.And i always make an effort others can do what they want but ill keep on doing what i do,

Of course you can dress as you like, good for you - but talking about people dressing "like an old lady" shows that while you think you should dress as you like you judge others who prefer a different style. Shame on you.

weirdoboelady · 18/05/2023 00:27

AmbleInAnnBoleyn · 15/05/2023 11:19

bleurgh.

Away with you and your policing of what women wear.

this. I have never worn makeup (well, not since a teenager) and never intend to. And why should I deform my feet and give myself back problems by wearing heels?

PotatoScollop · 18/05/2023 02:02

Scarletthoo2 · 15/05/2023 11:14

The last couple of months, I've noticed in restaurants, bars and social places that majority of women/young adults have replaced heels for trainers and dresses for jeans and dress pretty much causal when out socialising in bars or eating out. Is this the new norm? Why don't people make an effort anymore? Especially the younger generation. AIBU or is this a minority?

Oh do get over oneself dear.

Once you do, I think you'll find that both not worrying about other people's appearances, nor worrying so much about what others think of yours, is quite liberating. The key is to have more to (and in) your life to concern yourself with, in order that the deep penetrating boredom doesn't consume the brain cells so much so as to leave only a superficial mess of slobbering vanity to offer to others.