Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people not make the effort with appearance anymore

544 replies

Scarletthoo2 · 15/05/2023 11:14

The last couple of months, I've noticed in restaurants, bars and social places that majority of women/young adults have replaced heels for trainers and dresses for jeans and dress pretty much causal when out socialising in bars or eating out. Is this the new norm? Why don't people make an effort anymore? Especially the younger generation. AIBU or is this a minority?

OP posts:
SamW98 · 16/05/2023 20:58

Love the fact that not wearing heels and dresses to go to the pub has now turned into people not bothering to shower and living in rough areas 🤣🤣

I work full time in wealth management and it’s been casual dress in our offices for over a decade. The vast majority of females wear trainers and some keep a pair of shoes on their drawer just in case they have a meeting.

And I would say the majority of women I see on a night out in my affluent home town just outside the M25 dress nicely, have their hair and make up done but high heels are a rare sight. It’s far more common to see trousers with boots or dresses with trainers in the evenings. It only seems to be the TOWIE types still going for the heels and wiggle dress combo.

I absolutely always make a real effort to scrub up when I’m out. Hair make up nails nice outfit co ordinated accessories and nice flat comfy footwear. I’ve got around 40/50 pairs of trainers and Vans in every colour of the rainbow.

Zone2NorthLondon · 16/05/2023 20:59

NeedToChangeName · 15/05/2023 11:21

Thanks for posting those articles, how v interesting
I think the clackity heels and power dresses have had their day,and paradoxically look unprofessional and incongruent

Dandymax1 · 16/05/2023 21:02

High heels and dresses? I'd rather my daughters go out comfortable. I used to wear high heels and dresses but when I was 29 I walked out of a hotel abroad in heels. Stopped my self, asked DH if the outfit would look OK in flats. I've never gone back. Be comfortable. How would wearing something comfortable, diminish the experience?

Aslanplustwo · 16/05/2023 21:04

Incidentally, I do wear loose dresses a lot in the summer, as it is hot here and I couldn't cope with jeans - but can't see how throwing on a dress equates to more effort than putting on a pair of jeans. Btw - I never wear makeup either.

RampantIvy · 16/05/2023 21:17

I’ve got around 40/50 pairs of trainers and Vans in every colour of the rainbow.

Where on earth do you keep them all?

GinBlossom94 · 16/05/2023 21:22

I do get what you mean op, not even heels and short skirts as pp have mentioned a lot, but everywhere is so casual, used to be nice to put your "good" clothes on for a night out, not change into a different version of what you've worn all day. Same with men, used to be smart shirts etc but now they go out in a hoodie or T-shirt

Antisocialfluffmonster · 16/05/2023 21:25

YABU. …. Heels, sure let me just extend my crutches to make it a bit easier to hobble about in them 😂

if I’m going out and I’m paying for my food like everyone else, unless I’m flashing my nipples and flaps, I’ll wear what I’m comfortable wearing. If that’s ripped jeans and biker boots, I’m happy with that. my very hard earned money is just as good as the next person’s

I find it actually appalling that in this day and age, some people are still so concerned with whatever one else is doing they get their knickers in a twist about it.

where has minding your own business and kindness gone?

Elly46 · 16/05/2023 21:35

Not unreasonable, I’ve noticed it too. Our local steakhouse has a no sportswear rule stated on the website but you walk in and it’s all grey tracksuits and caps etc. I rarely wear heels now, I’ve just invested in some smart plain black suede trainers but think it’s nice to be clean and tidy with a smart casual look of maybe trousers and top if I’m making the effort to go to a Pub or restaurant with table
service and it’s nice to see others the same in my opinion. Yanbu x

DoubleFunMum · 16/05/2023 21:37

Yeah, as many, many others have said - this is fashion. Just because you don't follow it and don't want to stay current, doesn't mean you should criticise those who do. Imagine I started a thread saying 'Why do all the oldies still dress like they did 20 years ago, don't they care about their appearance?'

JayniSummers · 16/05/2023 21:39

I barely wipe the remains of the last meal I ate off my chin whilst tying up my hair in a elastic band the postman left on my doorstep, luckily it's not been washed since liz was on the throne so no need for hairspray . I use a dishcloth to give the pits a once over and throw on whatever smells the least like dog I find on my floor floordrobe.

And it's still fook all for you to judge 👩‍⚖️

sadsack78 · 16/05/2023 21:50

When people are are out with friends, they want to have a good time and focus on the experience.

Nobody wants to be the friend limping 10 paces behind because their shoes are killing them, and complaining about being freezing cold because they're wearing a shift dress when they need jeans and a coat.

As pessimistic as it sounds, I think it's good for young women/ girls to wear comfortable, practical shoes like trainers. Heels make it harder to get out of unsafe situations around men etc. It is literally harder to get away.

Teapiggle · 16/05/2023 21:56

I wear fluffy tie dye crocs to my office management job and I’ve never been happier

Alaimo · 16/05/2023 21:59

I was out in Copenhagen a few months ago with colleagues, and we (all in our 30s, early 40s) were the only ones wearing dresses. All the young women in their 20s were in jeans and trainers, I have never felt so old. They're absolutely right though, especially if you're planning to be out clubbing until the early hours of the morning trainers are so much more sensible.

Ginslings · 16/05/2023 22:02

Months? Surely it's been this way for years?

I have scars on my feet from having bunions removed after wearing heels when trainers would have been the sensible option.

All power to these women who chose comfort over looks.

amusedbush · 16/05/2023 22:44

ToWhitToWhoo · 15/05/2023 17:19

YABU, and frankly ableist. There are some people, such as myself, are UTTERLY INCAPABLE of walking safely in high heels, and if a job or social event requires it, I simply cannot apply or attend. There are others, who might not be in the same danger of falling, but who have foot conditions that make high heels incredibly painful.

One can dress smartly without high heels, and this is appropriate for special occasions and events. But honestly, if people are socializing in bars or eating out, often the whole purpose is to relax, and having to 'make an effort' rather defeats the purpose.

And I notice that you speak of the 'majority of women'. Is it that you think that all men dress smartly, or that they don't need to?

Agreed. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hypermobile subtype), plus dyspraxia and a visual processing disorder. My spatial awareness is non-existent and I have ended up getting x-rays/stuck in a moon boot on multiple occasions after falling on a flat surface (stone cold sober and wearing sensible trainers!). My joints hurt all the time without adding high heels to the mix.

I can’t safely wear heels and I make no apology for it. I wear loafers to job interviews and even wore sparkly flats to my brother’s wedding. Nobody bats an eye in real life, thankfully.

jobie70 · 16/05/2023 23:04

I get where you’re coming from.. and I think youre probably of an older generation where women did dress up to go out.. heels, hair, a dress-and makeup were all part of a night out.. if you didn’t get dolled up you looked like a tramp🤣😂.. but time moves on.. and social attitudes change..

Garethkeenansstapler · 16/05/2023 23:12

Sorry but I think saying Op is ableist is a massive reach.

Imastroppycow2 · 16/05/2023 23:15

My money pays for my clothes, therefore my choice…heals are bad for your feet and your back.

JFM27 · 16/05/2023 23:53

Actually i tend to agree,people dont bother anymore. I wear trainers and i might for a casual lunch or drinks but if i go out for an evening meal or theatre say i wouldnt.i wear chunky heels normally sadly my stilleto days are over though i loved them. I do wear trousers a lot but thats mostly the English climate.and the fact im so tiny getting a dress to fit is hard.and yes i always wear make up too. Unkempt and scruffy not for me.on the bus going out for a drink last sat a fellow oassenger complemented nmy friend and i said how nice to see people bothering we both were wearing trousers and chunky heeled boots and make up but we had
made an effort.

I think its British thing i think European women do bother much more how they dress and look. The average British women doesent seem to care.they just tend to not bother what they wear or how they look.their choice but its not mine.

ToWhitToWhoo · 17/05/2023 00:25

Garethkeenansstapler · 16/05/2023 23:12

Sorry but I think saying Op is ableist is a massive reach.

Probably not consciously; but expecting everyone to wear heels is very ableist in its effects. Thank God that it's less expected now than in the past.

DFWM · 17/05/2023 00:41

I hadn't been out for years, then went back to uni and started going back out. The first time I was in heels (and in agony all night), a dress, and was amazed to see others getting into clubs in trainers/jeans. That wasn't allowed when I was 18! They were selling flip flops in the loo, too.

I was relieved mind, and now wear more comfortable shoes and clothes when I go out.

RobertaFirmino · 17/05/2023 01:04

Who am I to tell other women what to wear? All I care about is that people don't stink of BO and have good manners.

Mothership4two · 17/05/2023 01:26

The 'young adults' I know very much make an effort with their appearances, but their 'look' is a lot more casual than when I was their age. Trainers are quite often worn with 'smart' clothes in lots of circles. I wish it had been that way when I was younger when I was squeezing into pencil skirts and stiletto shoes!

Horsemum40 · 17/05/2023 05:16

Because i would much rather be comfortable in jeans and flat shoes and don't even own a dress. I do my hair and makeup when I go out.

Wearing jeans doesn't mean I'm not making an effort

GUARDIAN1 · 17/05/2023 07:39

I'm pretty sure this was a p*ss-take post, especially as voting wasn't enabled. In case it's genuine though, I'm very glad more women are refusing to ruin their feet and backs by wearing heels. Why the hell should women suffer physical pain and real damage to fit with someone's idea of what is appropriate or beautiful? This question would most often be asked of men. If you're a woman then even more shame on you.