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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people not make the effort with appearance anymore

544 replies

Scarletthoo2 · 15/05/2023 11:14

The last couple of months, I've noticed in restaurants, bars and social places that majority of women/young adults have replaced heels for trainers and dresses for jeans and dress pretty much causal when out socialising in bars or eating out. Is this the new norm? Why don't people make an effort anymore? Especially the younger generation. AIBU or is this a minority?

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 16/05/2023 18:44

We’re too busy buckling under the weight of vastly unequal distribution of generational wealth to bother about the trivial matter of how to dress. As you were.

IrisSibirica · 16/05/2023 18:53

YABU OP.
I'm 47 and won't wear heels or tight bodycon dresses to go out and I dress smart but casual. I prefer to make the effort by going to the gym and having a fit body. I have a ten-year old girl and I am well aware that the way I dress will influence her.
I want her to dress for herself and be comfortable and confident. We've all once been/seen that person wearing high heels shifting their weight on to a different foot with burning heels at the end of a long day - and I feel really good that women now have the confidence to dress for themselves.
If you feel like wearing high heels, fab! - and if you don't, then you're still in good company.

TheLostNights · 16/05/2023 18:56

I'm late thirties and just can't be bothered. Don't have the figure I used to have, money is tight and I'm ugly so nothing I wear will change that. These days I prefer to be comfortable rather than stylish.

Wisenotboring · 16/05/2023 19:03

You really think no heels means no effort?

CrazyHedgehogLover · 16/05/2023 19:04

I’m 27 and i literally hate wearing dresses or heels! I’m much more of a comfy oversized top/jumper/leggings, I also wear pumps/trainers when out for meals🙈 I must be your worst nightmare 😂

I do make more of an effort with my face makeup and would put some eyelashes on and do contour etc.. that’s as much as you’ll get from me!

i wore heels once and nearly broke my ankle, why would I choose uncomfortable pain as opposed to wearing comfy trainers?

when I do see people in dresses/heels etc there always shivering and cold and complaining that there feet hurt, no thankyou!

fetchacloth · 16/05/2023 19:14

JulieHoney · 15/05/2023 11:20

What an outdated way of thinking, OP. YABU

Totally agree - it is the 21st century after all.
A YABU from me too.

lookingforchangenowww · 16/05/2023 19:15

Show us how you dress up in 3 hours to go to a restaurant OP :)
curious !

ellie09 · 16/05/2023 19:21

I've just turned 30 and I never wear a dress and heels anymore. Its just not practical, or comfortable.

I will still do my make up and hair though and wear something smart casual.

I recently bought my first pair of "mom jeans" rather than my skinny jeans and I am loving them. So comfortable and more flattering on me also.

I save dress and heels now for special occasions such as a wedding or a Christmas party. Even then, I hate the thought of it!

TheresSomethingOnTheWing · 16/05/2023 19:23

EYE ROLL. That is all

Atishoos · 16/05/2023 19:30

Just be yourself is my motto, but also when going out somewhere try and scrub up a bit too.

I was on hols last week and it was very warm. I packed two (non iron) dresses, reader - they stayed in the wardrobe! I am not a dress wearer except for weddings, funerals, and VERRRY special occasions though so that might explain it, I don't know why but I just don't feel right in dresses. Mad isn't it?

Anyway I had some nice linen/cotton ankle grazers and wide leg trousers. Lovely and light to wear, combined with linen tops and statement jewellery together with gold/silver flat espadrilles I felt great, very comfortable, and DH said I looked great, which I don't expect but it's nice just the same. And I could walk without breaking an ankle or two!

Maybe it's a confidence thing with me re the dresses. At a wedding etc. every woman (generally) wears a dress, so I don't feel I stand out. Maybe that's it, I dunno.

strawberryFforever · 16/05/2023 19:34

Last couple of months?

You need to get out more

Nily4567 · 16/05/2023 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CheshireCat1 · 16/05/2023 19:44

People still dress up for weddings, parties and the races.

Buffs · 16/05/2023 19:46

YABU

Butchyrestingface · 16/05/2023 19:55

The last couple of months, I've noticed in restaurants, bars and social places that majority of women/young adults have replaced heels for trainers

You should be celebrating this, at least.

Pepsi2001 · 16/05/2023 20:04

You are being old fashioned and ridiculous. This thread didn't go how you expected!!

icelolly12 · 16/05/2023 20:14

The fashion now is athleisure. Personally I do think we have lost a lot of interesting and unique and quirky looks now as youngsters seem to look the same and don't seem to express themselves in their outward appearance .

I am very happy the the heel has died out. Although maybe in another decade it will come back. I certainly won't be embracing it if it does as my days of hobbling out of a nightclub with feet on fire are over.

Rhaenys · 16/05/2023 20:15

I’m no longer interested in being uncomfortable just to look good.

sumayyah · 16/05/2023 20:15

I dress up at all times because that's how I feel comfortable

My daughter would leave the house in PJ's if I let her....... Because that's how she feels comfortable

I don't really give a tiny rats ass what anyone else wears to go out because it's none of my business and doesn't affect my day

nutmegnook · 16/05/2023 20:23

Scarletthoo2 · 15/05/2023 11:14

The last couple of months, I've noticed in restaurants, bars and social places that majority of women/young adults have replaced heels for trainers and dresses for jeans and dress pretty much causal when out socialising in bars or eating out. Is this the new norm? Why don't people make an effort anymore? Especially the younger generation. AIBU or is this a minority?

Agree. I was near a college today and noticed a big group of make and females all had joggers on. Just looked scruffy.

iamturtle · 16/05/2023 20:29

I rather agree though many won't - and on a site designed for middle-aged mothers, most will probably disagree! A lot of it is laziness and possibly lack of money, many don't probably don't want to shower and change before going out so just wear whatever they wore all day. I think once you've had children it's very tempting to give up a bit and so make silly excuses like 'male gaze', even though it's extremely well documented that most men hate women teetering about in stilettos 😂. But think they don't want to acknowledge that they're getting older and frumpier, which is sad really - priorities change and that's ok, making themselves feel better by sneering at women who do still have the time and money to make an effort is a bit sad. Going out does feel a lot more special when people bother to dress nicely, else you may as well go to a sports bar for cheeseburgers. If it's any consolation, in better restaurants or areas where money's not an issue people still manage to put on clean shoes and a nice top at least so not everyone's given in to the frump!

Would say that heels are not necessary though, a clean pair of well made shoes is always fine whatever the style. Find it very weird people saying they don't see heels anymore though, where are they looking?! In London and Home Counties at least they're certainly as popular as ever, although many women now wear flats to commute and change at work... maybe these women who say they don't see them don't work, or don't live in a nice area?

Theeyeballsinthesky · 16/05/2023 20:37

Lol nice try - women who don’t wear heels live on sink estates & don’t work - riiiight

I live in an extremely naice area and I work - but women here don’t wear heels because apart from anything it’s a village & pavements are a bit in short supply hence women wear riding boots/wellies in the winter & sneakers/Birkenstocks in the summer.

RampantIvy · 16/05/2023 20:39

This thread seems to have turned into a race to the bottom as to who can make the least amount of effort.

I can't wear heels any more thanks to arthritis so I am pleased that I don't feel I should. I WFH 3 days out of 4 and just wear comfortable and casual clothes.

We do have a smart casual dress code at work, which I am OK with, and when I go out I will make an effort because I want to. I'm 64 so it is most definitely not for the male gaze Grinmake

However, all my clothes and footwear are comfortable.

Isinglass20 · 16/05/2023 20:45

If you want to see over made up women wearing v high heels, tight skirts, low buttoned blouses then go to your local civil court and look at young female solicitors /barristers out to influence the court and op (male) legal team. 🤣🤣

Aslanplustwo · 16/05/2023 20:56

YABU. I'm 64 and have never worn high heels in my life, so it's good to see that others have finally realised comfort is more important. I've also spent most of my life looking casual rather than "dressed up" - just because that's who I am. I'm not in the UK, but people rarely get dressed up just to go to a restaurant or bar. Also agree with various pps, wearing casual clothes doesn't equate to not making an effort.