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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people not make the effort with appearance anymore

544 replies

Scarletthoo2 · 15/05/2023 11:14

The last couple of months, I've noticed in restaurants, bars and social places that majority of women/young adults have replaced heels for trainers and dresses for jeans and dress pretty much causal when out socialising in bars or eating out. Is this the new norm? Why don't people make an effort anymore? Especially the younger generation. AIBU or is this a minority?

OP posts:
StrugglingWeight · 15/05/2023 13:43

Floralie · 15/05/2023 13:39

Yes I agree, as is always the way with any thread to do with women. There's always let them do what they want (but x is way better and women are silly for doing y).

Show quote history

It's exactly the same judgement from a different angle

Op is judging women for not looking how she expects. Other posters are judging women for not looking how they expect

It's just about feeling superior to others in someway.

You get it in any thread about women and clothes.

yarikq · 15/05/2023 13:44

Expecting women to wear heels (which are known to cause permanent damage to the feet) is very sexist.

M103 · 15/05/2023 13:45

Yabu

Kyse23 · 15/05/2023 13:48

Think people should just wear what they like which is what they're doing
Some days I wear jeans and trainers and no makeup, some days I wear heels, a dress and full makeup
It's nice to pick what I want to wear and how I want to look

Badgerandfox227 · 15/05/2023 13:48

I literally have one pair of heels these days, I wear them about 3 times a year. I live in (several pairs of) converse and flat sandals. Even to work, I wear converse, and I’m a higher earner. None of my friends would wear heels to a nice meal anymore.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 15/05/2023 13:48

gwenneh · 15/05/2023 11:46

YABU. It's terrific that women dress the way they want, for themselves, as opposed to dressing for the public viewing pleasure of others.

Agreed.

I found myself at a concert with lots of young people a little while ago. I thought it was great to see all of the young women still looking fabulous but not dressed up to the nines like we used to when I was that age. You could totally tell that they’d made an effort, they’d just done so with their trainers and chunky books so they were comfortable dancing. It made me feel far less out of place in my trainers - I’m of an age now where if I can’t go comfy I simply don’t go.

MammaTo · 15/05/2023 13:50

StrugglingWeight · 15/05/2023 13:22

Why do they need to move on?

Allowing women to dress how they want means exactly that. If a woman wants to wear heels and sparkly jewellry, go for it. If she wants to wear joggers and trainers, please do.

Swapping one judgement of women for another doesn't make you any better than the OP, and these women are supposed to be your friends?

Show quote history

Exactly this!

People can get dolled up if they want, because it makes them happy. They might of spent years raising babies and families or careers and neglected themselves and now they have more freedom and decide to get done up.

On the flip side if someone wants to wear jeans and trainers for a meal, go for it.

The polarised comments on this thread that dressed up means you’re dated and casual means trendy is mind boggling.

Yes the trend is casual these days, but that’s what it is - a trend and trends come and go.

justme2022 · 15/05/2023 13:50

I'm 43 and my high heel days are behind me thank fuck. If you're one of those women blessed to be able to walk in them and not end up in pain then I envy you, but I tottered about looking like Bambi on ice and came home feeling like someone have taken a blow torch to the soles of my feet. Flats all the way for me. I do have going "out out" trainers though so I still make a bit of an effort.

Happy birthday @Peridot1 hope you're having a lovely day.

kethuphouse · 15/05/2023 13:50

Because in this age of women making decisions about their own lives, some of us have realised we can go out and enjoy ourselves dressed however we like, without judgement. Oh wait ......

myveryownelectrickitten · 15/05/2023 13:50

It’s only that heels and then ankle boots/shoe boots have been in for a while, and chunky boots not since the 1990s, so now the look has swing back to the chunky/clumpy boots and trainers. We didn’t wear heels to go out in the 1990s - it was considered a very old-fashioned look! Thick chunky feet were in! Then they came back in in the noughties/early 2010s when the “thin feet” kitten heel (then high heel) look was fashionable (after the stack heel knee boot phase of the late 90s/early 2000s).

The chunky foot look was happening before the pandemic, but it’s probably been embraced more after WFH.

It’s just a swing back to a more 70s/90s retro look. Soon the pendulum will be swinging back again and ballet slippers and kitten heels will be the dernier cri of 2030 😂

JFDIYOLO · 15/05/2023 13:52

Note Scarletthoo2 has not been back in ten pages? I too smell a journo … money's on the Daily Express.

Hippyhippybake · 15/05/2023 13:53

I have loved clothes my entire life and will always dress up if going out for dinner / theatre etc. I love beautiful dresses and am usually overdressed compared to other women but I couldn’t care less about it. I wear what I like and I’m happy for others to do the same. I get the occasional snippy comment but it’s water off a duck’s back.

orangemagnolia · 15/05/2023 13:54

I love this country. But, compared to the rest of Europe, we Brits are real slobs when it comes to dressing.

kethuphouse · 15/05/2023 13:54

TrashyPanda · 15/05/2023 11:22

Because trainers don’t fuck up your feet And are designed for practical activities, such as walking. Why cripple yourself wearing heels just for the titillation of others?

because women don’t have to dress up for other people

because women have autonomy over their bodies

because it’s nobody’s business how anyone else dresses

because they have more going on in their lives to judge strangers on external appearance

Practical activities like walking 😂 Beautifully put.

tattygrl · 15/05/2023 13:54

Fashion changes! And it's a positive thing that people can nowadays go out and about without having to meet a certain standard of put-together-ness. I'm someone who loves dressing up and am often on the overdressed side of the spectrum when I go out (or even day to day), but that's because I love it.

Naunet · 15/05/2023 13:55

What is this utter rubbish? I was wearing jeans and t shirts for nights out back in the 90s, as were most of my friends. It may come as a shock to you OP, but not all women are the same, some like to dress up, others don’t, weird innit? Almost as if we have our own personalities, just like men…

Dreamstate · 15/05/2023 13:58

I'd rather not fuck up my feet thanks so they can last me well into my old age. Why would I put myself through the pain and potential of getting bunions.

No thank you!

Dente · 15/05/2023 13:59

I agree OP. There are no boundaries anywhere anymore. Anything goes!

Ihaveshitfriends · 15/05/2023 14:00

I’m a millennial and recently went to a children’s party with parents who are about 10 years younger than me I couldn’t believe how nice they all looked in at kids party! Lots of jeans and flats but well pressed and flawless makeup. They seem to have nicer skin too but I’m not sure if that because I’m noticing my first wrinkles!

FancyFanny · 15/05/2023 14:01

5128gap · 15/05/2023 12:13

Indeed it does not.
I long for the effortless days of chucking on a bit of cheap lycra and slipping into some heels. These days it's all what colour, brand and style of trainers will look sufficiently stylish without requiring a remortgage? What if I accidentally choose a pair someone of my age isnt supposed to wear, and embarass myself? What rise jeans do I need to avoid looking 'dated' or is the unflattering abomination that is cargos required of me?
Am a still able to wear a 'nice top' with jeans, or is this 'agjng'? If so, where can I find a not very nice top to avoid this?
Not to mention all the additional faffery required for hair and make up to 'elevate' an outfit I'd have always worn to Tescos to something that's a suitable 'look' for a night out.

Show quote history

Grin Oh yes- trying to look suitably casual requires equal effort to just throwing on a nice dress and a pair of heeled sandals.

Conkersinautumn · 15/05/2023 14:07

Self care is about managing and developing
your internal life not outward cosmetics.

myveryownelectrickitten · 15/05/2023 14:08

orangemagnolia · 15/05/2023 13:54

I love this country. But, compared to the rest of Europe, we Brits are real slobs when it comes to dressing.

Only if you think of Europe as France/Spain /Italy etc.

Compared to the Dutch or Germans, Brits are dressed up!

BriarHare · 15/05/2023 14:12

Where have you been OP 😆

Women no longer totter about in heels.

shadowchancesassy · 15/05/2023 14:13

I love watching these videos when they come up on insta. Feminine beauty wins.

Garethkeenansstapler · 15/05/2023 14:13

shivawn · 15/05/2023 11:17

Dressing casually doesn't mean not making an effort with your appearance.

This. I don’t think it’s a big deal as long as the clothes are clean, presentable and well fitting. I think making a certain amount of effort with the way you look matters, it’s a courtesy to others not to smell or have your belly hanging out or straggly greasy hair.

But I’m pleased women are not expected to wear such bloody uncomfortable and impractical clothing compared to men who have always benefited from trousers, comfy underwear and more simple cuts.

Frankly I hope underwired bras, thongs and high heels end up in the dustbin of history.

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