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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH hates his life and want to “kill himself”

123 replies

Alwaysmyfaults · 14/05/2023 16:39

When I met DH 7 years ago he was on his own had a good job and a ok amount of savings. He was going on holiday regularly with his family so obviously that became the norm to him.

Fast forward 7 years later 3 kids, it’s so bloody hard we go on holiday once a year now. I work full time he works part time and runs a business which is slowly taking off and will pay off in the end.

His mum and dad and his brother are always bragging about there next holiday. It eats DH up as he can’t go. “I fucking hate my life” “rather be dead” “can’t do anything anymore”

I can’t stand listening to it! It is what it is we’re not in there position. They don’t have young kids and that’s ok.

AIBU to be annoyed with him? I actually don’t mind our life. It’s hard I wish I could spend more time with my kids and go to more places. But it is what it is.

OP posts:
XelaM · 14/05/2023 16:42

Can't you let him join his family for at least one of those holidays per year? Why can't he go with his parents and brother?

Cherryana · 14/05/2023 16:44

His lack of being able to delay gratification is the mark of a child. Eg see that working on his business now will pay off.

Saying something so horrible, which is clearly just exaggerating, is childish.

His lack of appreciation for what he does have in his life eg you and his children - is hurtful.

No wonder it puts you off.

Original poster
Alwaysmyfaults · 14/05/2023 16:48

I work full time who is going to have the kids when he goes on one of these holidays. They don’t go on cheap holiday either. We usually spend 2.5k for ours once a year. They spend 1.5k each.

OP posts:
Iwrote · 14/05/2023 16:48

I'd have no time for this juvenile shit, what did he think would happen if he chose to have 3 children?

Xrays · 14/05/2023 16:49

What now?! He sounds so childish. He chose to settle down and have children - surely he knew that was the choice he was making?! What an idiot! I’d have no time for this. It’s like a toddler having a tantrum.

BirbFriend · 14/05/2023 16:49

Why did he agree to have 3 kids in such a small space of time?

RaininSummer · 14/05/2023 16:50

He needs to grow up

Blancmangemouse · 14/05/2023 16:51

He sounds like a spoilt child!

ArcticSkewer · 14/05/2023 16:51

Presumably he chose to have 3 children, and close together as well? What was his thinking at that point?

Achwheesht · 14/05/2023 16:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Atishoos · 14/05/2023 16:52

I'd just say well back you go to your parents and brother right now. See ya in court.

This sounds like a nightmare. A fourth child in fact, and I couldn't live with that. I doubt it will improve as you say it will over time when the business takes off properly. There will always be something he is not satisfied with I think.

Anyway have you any suggestions or solutions yourself, what would you like to see evolve here?

Springissprunging · 14/05/2023 16:52

Maybe he needs to work fill time in a well paid job if he wants to be going off on holiday multiple times a year

I totally understand working a part time job and part time in a business that will pay off eventually but Im guessing that was his choice? He doesn't get to choose to bring less money in in the short term and complain about the short term consequences.

Northernsouloldies · 14/05/2023 16:53

Aaw diddums, only one holiday a year. He needs to grow up. Some don't get a holiday for years and bollocks to him getting an extra holiday with his parents. He's a grown man with his own family ffs. Op how do you put up with such crap.

QuintanaRoo · 14/05/2023 16:53

He needs to count himself lucky. He runs his own business and can afford a 2.5k holiday once a year. He’s much better off than most.

Floralie · 14/05/2023 16:53

I mean it does sound crap to be honest to go from having money and being able to go on holidays regularly to struggling along- but he (presumably) chose to have children, 3 no less so must have known this would be the case. If he's just having an off day and usually he's fine I'd just ignore, if it's something he goes on about often I'd address it whilst acknowledging he might walk away at that point in an attempt to get his 'old life' back as some men do (his loss), or if he seems to actually be struggling he needs to access some support.

Missingmyusername · 14/05/2023 16:54

BirbFriend · 14/05/2023 16:49

Why did he agree to have 3 kids in such a small space of time?

This?

Why get married and have children, if he would rather the bachelor life.

Saying he will lull himself because he can’t go on holiday?! Perhaps he needs to get a full time job instead of the part time job? Businesses time to build, he sounds impatient. It’s not just the expense of going away, taking three children would be hard work.

QuintanaRoo · 14/05/2023 16:55

And yes, tell him to shit or get off the pot. Either he’s suicidal and needs to be marched down the doctors or he isn’t suicidal and needs to stfu Because it’s not fair on you to hear this.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2023 16:56

I would tell this whinging, petulant, pathetic man child to fuck right off. What a selfish, ungrateful twat. Get rid of this emotional terrorist and protect your kids from this shit.

LookOutBandits · 14/05/2023 16:56

He wants to kill himself because he can't go on holiday with his parents? Blimey.

ZittingBiting · 14/05/2023 16:56

This is a really clear case of your DH being a massive twat.

Even more so that he's suggesting his life isn't worth living because he can't go on holiday multiple times a year and not just being a little bit pissed off/resentful that his life has changed.

ExtraOnions · 14/05/2023 17:00

That’s a lot of change in 7 years … meeting, wedding, 3 kids, change of jobs, setting up a business, probably a new house - I would be surprised if both of you are not totally frazzled.

I am assuming he was fully onboard with all that change, so I’m wondering why he seems so shocked. Saying that, I’m never quite sure anyone is prepared for the work that goes into bringing up children.

Is he genuinely depressed, or, is he venting? Is it a reaction to change ? Whichever it is, he can’t just stomp about, and make you feel bad about it.

Goodfuckingriddance · 14/05/2023 17:00

FFS what is it with men , what a dick,

Fairowing · 14/05/2023 17:01

Can your children hear him say these things? Not just as in the room but anywhere in the house as sound carries.
PP questions need answering as to whether he means this and needs help or whether he is just sulking and traumatising his children

CosmosQueen · 14/05/2023 17:02

Iwrote · 14/05/2023 16:48

I'd have no time for this juvenile shit, what did he think would happen if he chose to have 3 children?

Absolutely.
Petulant prat, he sounds awful.

ZittingBiting · 14/05/2023 17:02

Floralie · 14/05/2023 16:53

I mean it does sound crap to be honest to go from having money and being able to go on holidays regularly to struggling along- but he (presumably) chose to have children, 3 no less so must have known this would be the case. If he's just having an off day and usually he's fine I'd just ignore, if it's something he goes on about often I'd address it whilst acknowledging he might walk away at that point in an attempt to get his 'old life' back as some men do (his loss), or if he seems to actually be struggling he needs to access some support.

OP hasn't said they're 'struggling along'. They have a 2.5k holiday once a year.

That's not really a definition of 'struggling along'.

The DH is bitching that he can't go on holiday more regularly with his family who don't have 3 young children like he chose to have.